All Fours
Chapter 7
by July;, MirandaThe protagonist finds herself in a beautifully renovated motel room, yet she feels trapped in a state of emotional limbo. Despite the comfort of her surroundings, she struggles with a sense of displacement, neither at home nor fully present in her new location. She questions her purpose there, wondering if she should channel her energy into work, but feels uninspired and isolated. Her only sustenance is trail mix, and her communication with Harris, who expresses relief at her safe arrival, underscores her lingering uncertainty about the journey. The room’s beauty amplifies her inner turmoil, leaving her adrift in a fog of unresolved emotions.
Her solitude is interrupted by the sudden noise of a Memorial Day parade setting up outside her motel. The festive atmosphere contrasts sharply with her melancholic state, as she remains in bed, physically and emotionally drained. The disruption highlights her detachment from the world around her. The chapter then shifts to a poignant moment when Harris texts her on May 31st, Sam’s due date, a painful reminder of a shared loss. This brief exchange underscores the deep, unspoken grief that continues to bind them together, even as they navigate their separate struggles.
The narrative flashes back seven years to the traumatic birth of their baby, Sam. The protagonist recalls the urgency of the delivery, the emergency C‑section, and the devastating realization that something was wrong. The clinical detachment of the medical staff contrasts with her visceral fear and desperation. She describes the surreal experience of seeing her tiny, pale baby on a tray, uncertain if it was alive, while the medical team worked frantically. The absence of clear answers and the rarity of the complication—fetal-maternal hemorrhage—leave her grasping for understanding, a need unmet by the dismissive nurse.
In the aftermath, the protagonist and Harris retreat into a private world of grief, their shared pain creating an unbreakable bond. They avoid sharing their ordeal with others, preferring the sanctity of their mutual suffering. The chapter closes with her texting Harris in response to his message, a simple yet profound acknowledgment of their loss. Their silent solidarity and the weight of their unspoken grief linger, painting a haunting portrait of love, trauma, and the search for meaning in the face of inexplicable tragedy.
FAQs
1. How does the narrator’s experience in the renovated motel room reflect her emotional state after arriving in New York?
Answer:
The narrator’s experience in the beautiful yet isolating motel room mirrors her emotional limbo and existential crisis. Despite the room’s aesthetic appeal, she feels trapped in a “terrible purgatory”—neither at home nor truly present in her new location (page 61). Her inability to work or find inspiration amplifies her sense of displacement, and the contrast between the room’s beauty and her inner turmoil (“the fugue louder, worse”) underscores her unresolved grief and disconnection. Her reliance on trail mix and TV avoidance further illustrates her emotional paralysis.2. Analyze the significance of the Memorial Day parade scene in relation to the narrator’s personal trauma.
Answer:
The sudden chaos of the Memorial Day parade outside her window (page 62) serves as an intrusive reminder of time passing and collective memory, contrasting sharply with her private grief. While the town celebrates a public memorial, the narrator silently marks Sam’s due date—a personal memorial. The “achy feeling” in her limbs suggests somaticized grief, and the parade’s forced cheer highlights her isolation. This juxtaposition emphasizes how trauma exists outside societal rituals, with the narrator’s pain rendered invisible amid communal festivity.3. How does the flashback to Sam’s birth reveal the narrator’s coping mechanisms for trauma?
Answer:
The birth flashback reveals the narrator’s reliance on control, information-seeking, and dark humor to process trauma. Facing a life-threatening emergency, she adopts clinical detachment (“elegantly like astronauts”) and demands immediate action (page 62). Later, her insistence on medical explanations (“a pamphlet or piece of paper”) and search for statistical odds reflects an attempt to rationalize the irrational (page 63). The nurse’s blunt “chat room of mothers with stillborn babies” remark shatters this defense, forcing her to confront the emotional reality. Her and Harris’s silent salute ritual becomes a coded language for shared grief.4. What does the fetal-maternal hemorrhage incident suggest about the themes of guilt and randomness in the chapter?
Answer:
The hemorrhage epitomizes the novel’s exploration of senseless suffering. The nurse’s statement that it sometimes happens “for no reason” (page 63) destabilizes the narrator’s need for causality, mirroring her broader existential crisis. Her immediate rejection of this explanation (“not going to be good enough”) reveals resistance to accepting life’s arbitrariness. The absence of medical literature or support groups for this “very rare” event further isolates her, compounding guilt with the impossibility of closure. This moment crystallizes the central tension between seeking meaning and confronting chaos.5. How does the text message exchange about Sam’s due date illustrate the evolution of the narrator and Harris’s relationship?
Answer:
Their terse, ritualistic text exchange (“Happy May 31”/“same to you”) demonstrates how grief has reshaped their communication (page 64). The brevity contrasts with earlier, more vulnerable texts about the drive, showing how trauma has forged a private language of endurance. Their shared silence in the hospital (“our new reality descending like night”) now extends to digital space, where unspoken understanding replaces elaboration. This reflects both the depth of their connection and the limitations of language in expressing profound loss—their “elegant choreography” now reduced to minimalist acknowledgments of pain.
Quotes
1. “As the sun set it seemed I had, that I was stuck in some terrible purgatory, neither here nor there, not home but not really anywhere else.”
This quote captures the protagonist’s profound sense of dislocation and existential limbo upon arriving in New York. It reflects the emotional core of the chapter—the struggle to find purpose or belonging in a transitional space, both physically and psychologically.
2. “I would’ve cut myself open if that’s what it took.”
A raw declaration of maternal instinct during the emergency birth scene. This line underscores the protagonist’s desperation and agency in a life-or-death situation, contrasting sharply with the clinical detachment of the medical staff.
3. “No reason. Well, that wasn’t going to be good enough to last me for the rest of my life.”
This reaction to the nurse’s explanation of the random tragedy reveals the protagonist’s refusal to accept meaninglessness. It foreshadows her ongoing struggle to reconcile with trauma and the human need for narrative in suffering.
4. “That would be a chat room of mothers with stillborn babies.”
The nurse’s blunt statement delivers the chapter’s most devastating realization. Its clinical tone amplifies the horror, marking the moment when the protagonist fully confronts the potential outcome of her child’s condition.
5. “Our pain was ecstatic! We were of one mind, waiting and praying in concert; us against the surreal world we saw out the car window.”
This paradoxical description of shared grief beautifully captures how trauma created an intense, almost transcendent bond between the protagonist and Harris. It reveals how crisis can simultaneously isolate people from the world and unite them in private understanding.