All Fours
Chapter 28
by July;, MirandaThe narrator attends a potluck with Jordi, feeling emotionally fragile and socially adrift. After Jordi leaves to move her car, the narrator is approached by Tara, a former assistant to the elusive Arkanda, who reveals a surprising connection: Arkanda had reached out due to their shared experience with Fetal-maternal Hemorrhage (FMH). Tara explains that Arkanda’s nanny, Jess, facilitated this connection, leaving the narrator stunned by the revelation and the unexpected personal link to the celebrity. This encounter shifts the narrator’s focus from their recent breakup to the looming mystery of Arkanda’s intentions.
With Tara and Liza’s help, a meeting with Arkanda is arranged, though the narrator remains wary of another cancellation. The choice of location—a discreet motel in Monrovia—becomes a point of negotiation, as the narrator insists on its suitability despite Arkanda’s team’s concerns about privacy. The narrator’s emotional state is palpable as they oscillate between vulnerability and determination, even considering a gift basket as a peace offering. Meanwhile, Jordi’s obliviousness to the narrator’s turmoil is highlighted by her focus on her latest sculpture, a headless woman on all fours, which she describes as a symbol of stability.
The chapter delves into the narrator’s internal struggle, marked by their father’s grim metaphor of the “deathfield”—a state of existential awareness they can no longer ignore. The narrator’s attempt to compartmentalize their pain is juxtaposed with their growing fixation on the upcoming meeting with Arkanda, which holds the promise of closure or further confusion. The green marble sculpture, a recurring but unnoticed presence, serves as a haunting metaphor for the narrator’s own fragmented state, both exposed and resilient.
The chapter culminates in the narrator’s arrival at the motel, where Arkanda’s entourage has already secured the room. The narrator’s nervous anticipation is tempered by a sense of surreal familiarity, as they knock on the door of a room designed to mimic luxury yet hidden in plain sight. The unresolved tension—both personal and professional—hangs in the air, leaving the reader questioning whether this encounter will bring clarity or deepen the narrator’s sense of disorientation. The motel, like the narrator’s emotional landscape, is a paradox of concealment and revelation.
FAQs
1. How does the protagonist’s emotional state manifest during the potluck scene, and what does this reveal about her current psychological condition?
Answer:
The protagonist displays clear signs of emotional fragility and social withdrawal during the potluck. She clings to Jordi (“Don’t leave me”), stands alone holding uneaten chips, and admits to Tara that a recent breakup has left her vulnerable (“My voice cracked; I took a breath”). Her lack of appetite and reddened face when discussing Arkanda further reveal deep distress. This aligns with her father’s metaphor about being in the “deathfield” – a state of acute awareness of suffering. Her interactions suggest depression (disinterest in food/socializing) and emotional instability (cracking voice, tearfulness), compounded by the unresolved pain of her breakup.2. What is the significance of the revelation about Arkanda’s motive for contacting the protagonist, and how does this connect to broader themes in the chapter?
Answer:
The revelation that Arkanda sought connection over their shared experience of Fetal-maternal Hemorrhage (FMH) – facilitated by Jess, the nanny – reframes previous interactions. This disclosure highlights themes of hidden vulnerability (Arkanda’s medical history), interconnectedness (Jess as the unexpected link), and the protagonist’s blind pursuit of professional validation (“chased Arkanda long after she’d ceased to be interested”). The FMH connection transforms Arkanda from an elusive celebrity into a mirror for the protagonist’s personal trauma, suggesting that their meeting might address emotional wounds rather than creative collaboration, as previously assumed.3. Analyze the symbolic meaning of Jordi’s headless marble sculpture and its relationship to the chapter’s title, “All Fours.”
Answer:
The headless woman on all fours embodies paradoxical stability in vulnerability, reflecting the chapter’s central tension. Jordi’s explanation – “hard to be knocked down when you’re on all fours” – contrasts with the sculpture’s decapitation (loss of rational control/identity) and the protagonist’s emotional collapse. The title “All Fours” thus becomes a metaphor for survival posture: the protagonist, like the sculpture, is reduced to a primal state by grief but finds structural resilience in that lowered position. The marble’s polished veins suggest beauty in enduring damage, paralleling the protagonist’s attempt to maintain composure amid breakdown.4. How does the Excelsior motel setting function as both a practical and thematic choice for the meeting with Arkanda?
Answer:
The Excelsior represents the protagonist’s attempt to control vulnerability through curated environments. Her insistence on this location (“hotel in Monrovia… it’s a motel”) mirrors Room 321’s design – “discreet on the outside, exquisite within” – reflecting her own guarded exterior masking inner turmoil. The motel’s paparazzi-proof obscurity contrasts with Arkanda’s usual luxury venues (Le Bristol), forcing the celebrity into the protagonist’s world of unglamorous authenticity. This setting foreshadows their impending conversation about shared medical trauma, suggesting raw, unvarnished truths will emerge in a space that paradoxically feels both alien (“knock on my own door”) and intimately designed by the protagonist.5. What does the protagonist’s shifting attitude toward Liza reveal about her evolving self-awareness?
Answer:
The protagonist’s skepticism toward Liza (“Maybe it was time to get a new manager”) signals growing recognition of how others’ agendas have shaped her pursuits. Liza’s admission about fabricating “potential project” to Arkanda exposes the protagonist’s prior willingness to be led by professional fantasies. However, her choice to still involve Liza in scheduling (“FMH as the magic word”) shows lingering dependency. This tension reflects her transitional state: aware enough to question her manager’s motives but not yet confident to fully assert autonomy. Her desire to tell Kris about Arkanda – then self-correcting (“no reason”) – further illustrates this halting progress toward self-definition.
Quotes
1. “I had to do the things people suggested because I had no ideas of my own.”
This opening line captures the protagonist’s emotional vulnerability and lack of direction following a difficult breakup. It sets the tone for the chapter’s exploration of grief and identity loss.
2. “You’ve actually always been in it, but now you’re aware. That’s progress, in a way. Most people never even know.”
The father’s philosophical observation about the “deathfield” represents a key thematic moment, suggesting that painful awareness can paradoxically indicate personal growth. This existential insight frames the narrator’s emotional journey.
3. “Everyone thinks doggy style is so vulnerable, but it’s actually the most stable position. Like a table. It’s hard to be knocked down when you’re on all fours.”
Jordi’s unexpected commentary on the sculpture serves as a powerful metaphor for resilience. This observation ties into the chapter’s exploration of finding strength in seemingly vulnerable positions, both physically and emotionally.
4. “What a strange feeling to stand in front of room 321 holding a gift basket, and knock on my own door.”
This poignant moment encapsulates the protagonist’s disorientation and self-reflection as she prepares to meet Arkanda. The imagery of knocking on her “own door” symbolizes confronting parts of herself through this encounter.