All Fours
Chapter 30
by July;, MirandaThe chapter opens with the narrator arriving at a crowded venue for Davey and Dev’s performance, feeling physically recovered from prior vertigo but emotionally exposed. Dressed inappropriately for the event, they encounter acquaintances while navigating the ticket line, revealing their privileged access to the show. The narrator reflects on Davey’s rise to fame after years of obscurity, noting how his past at Hertz contrasts with his current success. There’s an underlying tension as the narrator suspects Davey might be watching them, heightening their self-consciousness.
Inside the venue, the narrator adopts a detached demeanor to contrast with the audience’s excitement. The performance begins with Dev, whose dynamic movements gradually introduce Davey in a dramatic reveal. The audience’s collective adoration for Davey becomes palpable, particularly during a shirtless sequence that leaves them in awed silence. The narrator, however, feels a mix of jealousy and resentment, privately scornful of the crowd’s worship and longing for Davey’s attention.
The performance escalates with a participatory chant—“All hands on the function!”—which the audience enthusiastically joins, creating a hypnotic synergy with the dancers. The narrator, excluded from this shared moment, grows increasingly bitter, hoping for a misstep that would diminish Davey’s allure. They fixate on Davey, comparing his current artistry to their past interactions, which now feel insignificant. The narrator’s internal conflict peaks as they oscillate between disdain and desperate longing for recognition.
The chapter concludes with a sudden shift—a thunderous clap interrupts the chant, plunging the room into silence. A somber musical transition accompanies Davey and Dev’s intricate, gravity-defying movements. The narrator, physically leaning forward, is consumed by the spectacle, their earlier resentment momentarily eclipsed by awe. The performance’s intensity underscores the narrator’s isolation, leaving them grappling with the disparity between Davey’s radiant present and their own unresolved past.
FAQs
1. How does the narrator’s physical and emotional state at the beginning of the chapter reflect their internal conflict about attending Davey’s performance?
Answer:
The narrator describes moving “gingerly” with an expectation of vertigo that never comes, suggesting psychological tension rather than physical illness. Their “raw, uncooked” feeling and inappropriate gray suit symbolize discomfort with this reunion. The nervous reaction to being called—initially fearing Claire or Davey’s mother—reveals unresolved anxiety about their past connection. This contrasts with the crowd’s excitement, highlighting the narrator’s isolation despite being “on the list.” The physical descriptions mirror their emotional vulnerability and sense of being out of place in Davey’s new reality.2. Analyze the significance of the audience’s reaction to Davey’s performance. How does this contrast with the narrator’s perspective?
Answer:
The audience’s collective awe—silence during Davey’s shirtless moment, synchronized singing of “All hands on the function”—represents his transcendent artistic power and communal appeal. This contrasts sharply with the narrator’s bitter, isolating experience: they refuse to participate, judge the crowd as “drooling idiots,” and even hope for Davey’s failure. Where the audience sees genius, the narrator sees a betrayal of Davey’s past (his “Sacramento Hertz” life) and a painful reminder of their own “delusion” in believing their past connection was unique. The crowd’s unity underscores the narrator’s emotional alienation.3. What does the chapter reveal about the narrator’s unresolved feelings toward Davey through their observations of the performance?
Answer:
The narrator’s fixation on Davey’s body (“as I had been remembering him”) and desperate hope for a “secret signal” reveals lingering attachment. Their wish for the dance to fail—through “plagiarism” or creative missteps—shows possessive jealousy, as if Davey’s success invalidates their shared history. The memory of their past dances in “room 321” contrasts with Davey’s new artistry, highlighting the narrator’s sense of irrelevance. Most poignantly, their internal monologue (”This too shall end”) and refusal to sing along demonstrate an inability to share in Davey’s joy, trapped in bitterness and self-protection.4. How does the author use theatrical and religious imagery to convey the narrator’s crisis of identity in this chapter?
Answer:
Theatrical imagery (spotlights, staged entrances, audience reactions) frames Davey’s performance as a sacred spectacle, while the narrator’s “mask of faint amusement” underscores their performative detachment. Religious language emerges in contrasts: Davey’s art is described as a “shared dream” (a secular transcendence), while the narrator dismisses their own past practices (“God-filled, sacred Wednesdays”) as “delusion.” The “choir of angels” singing “devotion” becomes ironic—the crowd worships Davey, but the narrator, once devout in their private rituals, now rejects collective reverence, left spiritually empty.
Quotes
1. “All morning I’d moved gingerly, waiting for the vertigo to start again, but it had completely dissolved, like a dream forgotten.”
This opening line captures the protagonist’s fragile emotional state and the transient nature of their anxiety, setting the tone for the chapter. The simile “like a dream forgotten” beautifully conveys how quickly intense feelings can vanish.
2. “From that moment on it was clear that every single person in the theater felt exactly as I had about Davey; they were all head over heels in love with him.”
This pivotal realization shows the protagonist coming to terms with Davey’s universal appeal and their own lost connection. The collective adoration described here becomes a central theme of the performance scene.
3. “I prayed for their dance to go wrong somehow… some kind of creative faux pas that would break his spell over everyone and return him to me.”
This raw admission reveals the narrator’s jealousy and desperation, showing their conflicted emotions about Davey’s success. The internal monologue format makes this particularly impactful as a window into their psyche.
4. “And everything I’d done in there after him was even more preposterous. Audra, Arkanda, all my God-filled, sacred Wednesdays. Just delusion.”
This moment of painful self-reflection represents a key turning point where the narrator confronts their own past actions. The contrast between sacred rituals and “just delusion” powerfully conveys their crisis of meaning.
5. “The two dancers were streaming sweat as they vaulted and turned; how inconceivable that he and I had once done this, danced together, in room 321.”
This nostalgic reflection highlights the distance between past intimacy and present separation. The physicality of “streaming sweat” contrasts with the abstract sense of loss, making the memory particularly poignant.