All Fours
Chapter 13
by July;, MirandaThe chapter delves into the protagonist’s emotional turmoil and strained relationship with her partner, Harris. She struggles to conceal her inner chaos, particularly her unresolved feelings for someone named Davey, while maintaining a facade of normalcy. Harris senses her distress, mistaking it for post-travel fatigue, but the protagonist deflects with a lie about menopause to avoid confrontation. This deception temporarily garners sympathy, creating a fragile moment of connection, though the underlying tension remains unresolved. The protagonist’s internal conflict is palpable as she oscillates between guilt and relief, using distractions like cleaning and a rubber band habit to cope.
A pivotal scene unfolds during a walk to the dog park, where the protagonist attempts to appear wholesome for their child, Sam. She forces herself to engage with dogs and suppress thoughts of Davey, snapping the rubber band as a physical reminder to stay present. The outing takes an ironic turn when Sam discovers a chair labeled “Call me”—the same chair the protagonist’s lover used to climb into her window. Harris’s oblivious suggestion to take the chair home adds dark humor, highlighting the protagonist’s fear of exposure. Her internal panic contrasts sharply with Harris’s innocent enthusiasm, underscoring the fragility of her lies.
The chapter explores themes of deception and emotional labor, as the protagonist navigates her dual reality. Her lies—first about menopause, then about the chair—reveal her desperation to maintain control while avoiding vulnerability. Harris’s attempts to understand and support her are met with deflection, illustrating the growing disconnect in their relationship. The protagonist’s coping mechanisms, from compulsive cleaning to self-harm via the rubber band, reflect her escalating distress. Yet, these actions also provide a temporary sense of order amid her emotional chaos.
In the final moments, the protagonist’s routine of alternating the rubber band between wrists symbolizes her futile pursuit of balance. Her obsessive cleaning and masturbation serve as distractions from her unresolved grief and guilt. The chapter ends on a note of uneasy stasis, with the protagonist clinging to rituals that neither heal nor conceal her pain. The narrative captures the dissonance between outward appearances and inner turmoil, leaving readers questioning how long her carefully constructed facade can hold.
FAQs
1. How does the narrator attempt to conceal her emotional turmoil from Harris, and what does this reveal about their relationship dynamics?
Answer:
The narrator attempts to conceal her emotional distress by first blaming her tears on a TV show about a struggling travel agency, then claiming exhaustion from her drive. When pressed further, she fabricates having menopause as a “conversation ender.” This reveals a relationship where Harris is perceptive enough to notice her distress but where the narrator feels unable to be emotionally honest. Their dynamic involves surface-level accommodations (Harris offering sympathy for her fake menopause) rather than deep communication, suggesting unresolved tensions and a pattern of avoidance in their marriage.2. Analyze the significance of the “CALL ME” chair scene. What does this moment reveal about the narrator’s psychological state and the potential consequences of her affair?
Answer:
The “CALL ME” chair is a physical manifestation of the narrator’s guilt and fear of discovery, as it was used by her lover Davey to access her window. When Harris and Sam stumble upon it, the narrator experiences panic while trying to appear nonchalant. This moment reveals her fractured psychological state—constantly balancing lies while fearing exposure. The scene foreshadows potential consequences, as Harris’s casual suggestion to take the chair home creates dramatic irony (the audience knows its significance) and tension about whether her secrets will unravel.3. Compare how the narrator interacts with Sam versus Harris in this chapter. What do these interactions suggest about her coping mechanisms?
Answer:
With Sam, the narrator maintains a facade of normalcy, engaging in wholesome activities like visiting the dog park and masking her distress through forced cheerfulness (“Hello, gorgeous” to dogs). With Harris, she oscillates between deflection (the menopause lie) and brief moments of near-honesty (“It’s a little more than that”). These interactions suggest her coping mechanisms are compartmentalized: she shields Sam from her turmoil but resents Harris’s obliviousness, using lies as emotional barriers. The rubber band snapping (a physical pain substitute) underscores her unstable self-regulation.4. What literary devices are employed in the narrator’s internal monologue during the TV scene, and how do they enhance the reader’s understanding of her conflict?
Answer:
The narrator uses irony (claiming the travel agency’s plight moves her while hiding her affair) and metaphor (comparing her potential confession to religious conversion: “Jesus who?”). These devices highlight her self-deception and desperation. The stream-of-consciousness style (“Good God, what had I done”) mimics her panic, while foreshadowing (“this would be the start of us finally breaking through”) contrasts with the anticlimactic reality (Harris discussing work readjustment). Together, they immerse the reader in her chaotic inner world, amplifying the gap between her external performance and internal crisis.5. Evaluate the narrator’s justification for lying about menopause (“Historically there were so many women who hadn’t spoken up…”). Is this a valid rationalization? Why or why not?
Answer:
The narrator’s justification is a flawed rationalization. While she references the legitimate issue of women’s silenced experiences, she co-opts this cultural context to excuse her personal dishonesty. Her lie isn’t activism—it’s self-preservation to avoid accountability. The irony is that she perpetuates the very dynamic she critiques: using biology (menopause) as a shield to avoid emotional transparency. This reflects her pattern of conflating larger truths with immediate conveniences, undermining genuine connection. The chapter subtly critiques this by showing how the lie temporarily relieves tension but deepens her isolation.
Quotes
1. “It was easy to fool Sam because they operated in terms of the things they wanted, moment to moment—not that they weren’t affected by emotional undercurrents but that they couldn’t call me on it very specifically.”
This opening line establishes the narrator’s deceptive dynamic with her family, highlighting how she manipulates their immediate desires to hide her emotional turmoil. It sets the tone for the chapter’s exploration of secrecy and unspoken tensions.
2. “I could get some details from Mary, my older friend who was always talking about hot flashes. ‘Menopause. I’ll need to read up on that.’ ‘That would be great,’ I said, although hopefully he wouldn’t read so much that he discovered I didn’t really have it.”
This exchange reveals the narrator’s desperate lie about menopause to avoid confessing her affair, showcasing both her guilt and the absurd lengths she’ll go to maintain appearances. The dark humor underscores the fragility of her deception.
3. “Maybe I could live my whole life this way, counterbalancing each lie against the next one, nothing ever falling.”
A profound moment of self-reflection where the narrator considers the unsustainable equilibrium of her lies. This captures the chapter’s central tension between maintaining her double life and the inevitable collapse of her facades.
4. “I didn’t say anything. It was hard for me to gauge the translucency of the situation. How obvious was it that this was the chair my lover used to step on to climb into my window?”
This climactic moment at the dog park—where the narrator nearly gets caught through her own love token—brilliantly encapsulates the chapter’s theme of hidden truths threatening to surface. The physical chair becomes a powerful symbol of her infidelity.
5. “Each morning I switched the rubber band to the other wrist to keep the lacerations equal. I alternated between masturbating and cleaning.”
This jarring final image reveals the narrator’s compulsive coping mechanisms, blending self-harm, sexual frustration, and domestic perfectionism. It perfectly concludes the chapter’s portrait of a woman unraveling through extreme behaviors.