All Fours
Chapter 29
by July;, MirandaThe chapter opens with the narrator reflecting on her delayed journey to New York, which took four years instead of the anticipated six days. Now 49, she questions whether her odyssey—marked by symbolic elements like cliffs, caves, and a golden ring—has truly transformed her. She longs for a test to prove her growth, contrasting her current self with who she was four years ago. As she flies to Brooklyn for her book tour, she grapples with unresolved feelings, scrolling through old photos and hesitantly reaching out to an old flame, Davey, before finally sending a casual yet loaded text.
Mid-flight, the narrator’s exchange with Davey becomes increasingly awkward and nostalgic. He responds warmly, revealing he’s also in New York and invites her to an event he’s hosting. Their conversation dances around the past, with both avoiding direct references to their shared history. The narrator agrees to attend, masking her nervousness with enthusiasm. Upon landing, her anxiety manifests physically during a slow cab ride into the city, where hunger and an unidentified unease unsettle her.
Back in her hotel room, the narrator’s discomfort escalates into a bizarre physical ordeal: every time she closes her eyes, she experiences a terrifying sensation of falling. Panicked and unable to sleep, she reaches out to her friend Jordi for help. Jordi diagnoses the symptoms as vertigo, possibly caused by air pressure changes or hormonal fluctuations, and guides her through the Epley maneuver—a series of head movements to reposition a dislodged ear crystal. The narrator attempts the exercise, comparing it to a choreographed dance.
As the chapter concludes, the narrator’s vertigo becomes a metaphor for her emotional turbulence. The physical disorientation mirrors her unresolved feelings about Davey and the uncertainties of her new relationship. The chapter blends humor and vulnerability, capturing the narrator’s struggle to navigate past and present while confronting the unexpected challenges of middle age. The cliffhanger leaves her mid-maneuver, symbolizing her ongoing journey toward balance and clarity.
FAQs
1. How does the narrator’s planned cross-country trip contrast with her actual journey to New York four years later?
Answer:
The narrator initially envisioned a transformative six-day road trip at age 45, framing it as an odyssey with metaphorical “cliffs and caves” that might test her growth. Instead, she flies to New York at 49 for a book tour, reflecting on how time has passed without the dramatic transformation she anticipated. The chapter highlights her unresolved questions about personal change through this contrast—the idealized, rigorous journey versus the mundane reality of air travel and professional obligations (pages 313-314).2. Analyze the significance of the narrator’s vertigo episode in relation to the chapter’s themes.
Answer:
The sudden onset of vertigo—triggered by a displaced “crystal” in her ear—mirrors the narrator’s broader existential disorientation. Just as she questions whether her four-year journey yielded real growth (“Was I really any different?”), the vertigo physically manifests her instability. The condition’s name (shared with Hitchcock’s film about obsession and illusion) and its cure (the Epley maneuver’s deliberate movements) symbolically parallel her need to methodically reorient herself emotionally, particularly regarding her unresolved connection with Davey (pages 315-316).3. What does the exchange with Davey reveal about the narrator’s emotional state and unresolved past?
Answer:
Their text conversation oscillates between casualness and tension, exposing the narrator’s lingering attachment. Her impulsive message about the tiles (a shared memory) and subsequent regret show unresolved feelings, while Davey’s nonchalant “Hahaha” and invitation to his event underscore their emotional mismatch. Her deleted draft (“You might recognize some parts”) hints at autobiographical elements in her book, suggesting she still processes their relationship through her art. The interaction leaves her unsettled, mirroring her physical vertigo (pages 314-315).4. How does the chapter use humor to undercut the narrator’s anxiety? Provide examples.
Answer:
The narrator’s dark humor surfaces in moments of distress, revealing her coping mechanisms. For instance, her frantic joke to the cab driver about a “buoyant forcefield” around Manhattan—which she recognizes as “insane”—contrasts with his practical response (offering gum). Later, her melodramatic internal monologue (“mythological riddle”) about being unable to sleep amplifies her panic, yet the absurdity of comparing vertigo to a labyrinthine trial adds levity. Even the Epley maneuver’s resemblance to an avant-garde dance (Trio A) injects whimsy into her medical crisis (pages 314-316).5. Evaluate Jordi’s role as a stabilizing force in the narrator’s crisis. What might this suggest about their relationship?
Answer:
Jordi’s calm, solution-oriented support (“Put me on speakerphone… Get some air”) contrasts with the narrator’s spiral, marking her as an emotional anchor. Her immediate research into vertigo and guided instructions (the Epley maneuver) demonstrate reliability, while the narrator’s gratitude (“Dear God, thank you for this woman”) implies deep trust. Their dynamic—avoiding melodrama (“a little new for this degree of shit-losing”)—suggests a healthy partnership where vulnerability is tempered by mutual care, foreshadowing growth beyond the narrator’s past relational patterns (page 316).
Quotes
1. “In the end it took me four years—not six days—to get to New York, and I didn’t drive there, I flew. The first stop of my book tour was a reading in Brooklyn. I stared out the airplane window and thought about the cross-country trip that was meant to rigorously transform me at forty-five. Now I was forty-nine.”
This opening passage sets the reflective tone of the chapter, highlighting the gap between expectations and reality in personal growth. The narrator’s delayed journey becomes a metaphor for life’s unpredictable timelines.
2. “When it’s been long enough you don’t even have to refer to the past, for all he knew I barely remembered him. I chewed ice from my plastic cup.”
This poignant observation captures the complex emotions of reconnecting with someone from your past. The physical detail of chewing ice subtly conveys nervous energy and emotional distance.
3. “I couldn’t put my finger on it. If I’d been less hungry I would have noticed it had to do with my blinks.”
This transition marks a turning point where the narrator’s physical discomfort mirrors her emotional unease. The mundane observation about blinking becomes significant foreshadowing for the vertigo episode.
4. “The moment I shut my eyes I felt as if I were falling from a great height such that I immediately sat up and threw my eyes open with a shout.”
This vivid description of vertigo serves as both a physical crisis and a metaphor for the narrator’s psychological state. The sudden loss of control parallels her earlier reflections on life’s unpredictability.
5. “‘Vertigo,’ like the Hitchcock movie; it was a real thing. I stepped away from the window.”
This moment connects the physical symptom to broader cultural references, suggesting the narrator’s tendency to frame personal experiences through artistic lenses. The simple act of stepping away shows her attempt to regain control.