All Fours
Chapter 25
by July;, MirandaThe chapter opens with the narrator grappling with rumors about her marriage to Harris, as word spreads about their unconventional relationship dynamics. While she resents the assumption that they must be divorcing, she argues to her friend Jordi that marriage should be fluid, like parent-child relationships, rather than a rigid binary. Jordi, whose partnership with Mel remains her primary focus, gently reminds the narrator that her perspective may isolate her as a minority viewpoint. This exchange highlights the narrator’s struggle to reconcile societal expectations with her personal beliefs about relationships.
During a visit to Jordi’s art exhibition, the narrator observes how the gallery space fails to accommodate Jordi’s large-scale sculptures, prompting Jordi to announce her decision to quit her advertising job. Their conversation shifts to hormonal changes and perimenopause, as they search online for a graph depicting hormonal decline—a metaphor for the narrator’s evolving self-perception. The narrator reflects on how her preoccupation with hormonal shifts has faded, replaced by a detached curiosity, suggesting her personal growth has altered her relationship with her body.
A mundane grocery trip takes a surreal turn when the sounds of the store trigger a vivid flashback to the narrator’s traumatic experience in the NICU with her newborn, Sam. The sudden sensory memory overwhelms her, and Jordi comforts her afterward. This episode underscores the lingering psychological impact of past trauma, which resurfaces unpredictably in daily life. The narrator’s attempt to reconnect with an online support group for mothers who shared similar experiences fails when she discovers the forum has vanished, leaving her feeling untethered and isolated.
The chapter closes with the narrator’s quiet resignation to these losses—both the tangible loss of her support community and the intangible erosion of certain fears and fixations. Her flashback and the vanished online space emphasize the impermanence of comfort and the importance of cherishing fleeting connections. Meanwhile, her evolving views on marriage and hormones reflect a broader theme of personal transformation, as she navigates midlife changes with both resilience and vulnerability.
FAQs
1. How does the narrator view divorce in contrast to her ideal vision of marriage?
Answer:
The narrator expresses frustration with the binary nature of divorce, arguing that it reinforces the supremacy of marriage as an all-or-nothing institution. She prefers a model where marriage remains important but evolves over time, similar to parent-child relationships. In her view, marriage should start as primary, become less central (which she sees as healthy), and potentially become primary again later in life. This reflects her desire for a more flexible, dynamic approach to relationships rather than rigid societal norms (Chapter 25, pp. 272-273).2. What symbolic significance does the “hormone graph” hold for Jordi and the narrator?
Answer:
The hormone graph initially represented a steep, alarming decline in hormones during perimenopause, which both women remembered vividly. However, when they search for it later, they find varying diagrams—some gentle, some jagged—suggesting that perceptions of hormonal changes are subjective. This mirrors the narrator’s personal growth: her anxiety about hormonal decline has faded, replaced by acceptance. The graph serves as a metaphor for how women interpret life transitions based on their individual needs and fears (Chapter 25, p. 273).3. Analyze the narrator’s flashback in the grocery store. What does this reveal about her unresolved trauma?
Answer:
The sudden flashback to her newborn son in the NICU, triggered by the sounds of the cash register, reveals the narrator’s lingering trauma from that experience. The vivid description—Sam covered in cords, the panic over alarms—shows how deeply this memory is etched in her mind. Her reaction (apologizing to the cashier) highlights how trauma can resurface unexpectedly, disrupting the present. This moment underscores the isolation of her experience as an FMH (fetal-maternal hemorrhage) mom and her reliance on the now-defunct online support group (Chapter 25, pp. 274-275).4. Why does the disappearance of the FMH moms’ chat group have such an emotional impact on the narrator?
Answer:
The chat group was a rare space where the narrator and other FMH moms shared a unique, painful bond. Its disappearance symbolizes the fragility of support systems and the isolation of niche traumas. The narrator regrets taking it for granted, realizing too late that even “modest comfort” mattered. Her reflection—”One should always be asking themselves What if I lost this?“—reveals her grief over losing this connection and her broader struggle to find understanding in a world that overlooks such specific hardships (Chapter 25, p. 275).5. How does Jordi’s decision to quit her advertising job reflect the chapter’s themes of transition and risk?
Answer:
Jordi’s career shift aligns with the chapter’s exploration of life changes—whether hormonal, relational, or professional. Her five-year plan acknowledges risk but emphasizes the importance of navigating transitions intentionally (“how we make our way down the cliff”). This mirrors the narrator’s own journey through perimenopause and marital redefinition. Both women confront societal expectations (e.g., stable careers, rigid relationships) and choose paths that prioritize personal growth over convention, highlighting the theme of self-determination amid uncertainty (Chapter 25, p. 273).
Quotes
1. “Divorce only reinforces the supremacy of marriage! You’re either married or you’re not, it’s a binary. Whereas if marriage is important but not the organizing principle, then it can keep changing, the way the parent-child relationship does.”
This quote captures the protagonist’s unconventional view on marriage, challenging societal norms by comparing it to evolving parent-child relationships. It reflects the chapter’s theme of redefining relationships and personal identity during midlife transitions.
2. “It was as if the internet provided scientific evidence to mirror any anxiety, no matter how arcane, so it had shifted to reflect me as I was now.”
A profound observation about how digital information adapts to our psychological states, illustrating the protagonist’s evolving perspective on perimenopause. This marks a turning point in her acceptance of bodily changes.
3. “Because the comfort was so modest I had assumed I could keep it; I had taken it for granted. One should always be asking themselves What if I lost this? How much would it matter?”
This poignant reflection on losing the FMH moms’ online community underscores the chapter’s exploration of transient support systems and the importance of appreciating small comforts before they disappear.
4. “It was never not a shock, like falling down an open manhole.”
A powerful metaphor describing the protagonist’s flashback to her traumatic NICU experience, illustrating how past trauma can unexpectedly resurface in everyday moments. This represents the chapter’s examination of lingering psychological impacts.
Quotes
1. “Divorce only reinforces the supremacy of marriage! You’re either married or you’re not, it’s a binary. Whereas if marriage is important but not the organizing principle, then it can keep changing, the way the parent-child relationship does.”
This quote captures the protagonist’s unconventional view on marriage, challenging societal norms by comparing it to evolving parent-child relationships. It reflects the chapter’s theme of redefining relationships and personal identity during midlife transitions.
2. “It was as if the internet provided scientific evidence to mirror any anxiety, no matter how arcane, so it had shifted to reflect me as I was now.”
A profound observation about how digital information adapts to our psychological states, illustrating the protagonist’s evolving perspective on perimenopause. This marks a turning point in her acceptance of bodily changes.
3. “Because the comfort was so modest I had assumed I could keep it; I had taken it for granted. One should always be asking themselves What if I lost this? How much would it matter?”
This poignant reflection on losing the FMH moms’ online community underscores the chapter’s exploration of transient support systems and the importance of appreciating small comforts before they disappear.
4. “It was never not a shock, like falling down an open manhole.”
A powerful metaphor describing the protagonist’s flashback to her traumatic NICU experience, illustrating how past trauma can unexpectedly resurface in everyday moments. This represents the chapter’s examination of lingering psychological impacts.
— Unknown
FAQs
1. How does the narrator view divorce in contrast to her ideal vision of marriage?
Answer:
The narrator expresses frustration with the binary nature of divorce, arguing that it reinforces the supremacy of marriage as an all-or-nothing institution. She prefers a model where marriage remains important but evolves over time, similar to parent-child relationships. In her view, marriage should start as primary, become less central (which she sees as healthy), and potentially become primary again later in life. This reflects her desire for a more flexible, dynamic approach to relationships rather than rigid societal norms (Chapter 25, pp. 272-273).
2. What symbolic significance does the “hormone graph” hold for Jordi and the narrator?
Answer:
The hormone graph initially represented a steep, alarming decline in hormones during perimenopause, which both women remembered vividly. However, when they search for it later, they find varying diagrams—some gentle, some jagged—suggesting that perceptions of hormonal changes are subjective. This mirrors the narrator’s personal growth: her anxiety about hormonal decline has faded, replaced by acceptance. The graph serves as a metaphor for how women interpret life transitions based on their individual needs and fears (Chapter 25, p. 273).
3. Analyze the narrator’s flashback in the grocery store. What does this reveal about her unresolved trauma?
Answer:
The sudden flashback to her newborn son in the NICU, triggered by the sounds of the cash register, reveals the narrator’s lingering trauma from that experience. The vivid description—Sam covered in cords, the panic over alarms—shows how deeply this memory is etched in her mind. Her reaction (apologizing to the cashier) highlights how trauma can resurface unexpectedly, disrupting the present. This moment underscores the isolation of her experience as an FMH (fetal-maternal hemorrhage) mom and her reliance on the now-defunct online support group (Chapter 25, pp. 274-275).
4. Why does the disappearance of the FMH moms’ chat group have such an emotional impact on the narrator?
Answer:
The chat group was a rare space where the narrator and other FMH moms shared a unique, painful bond. Its disappearance symbolizes the fragility of support systems and the isolation of niche traumas. The narrator regrets taking it for granted, realizing too late that even “modest comfort” mattered. Her reflection—”One should always be asking themselves What if I lost this?“—reveals her grief over losing this connection and her broader struggle to find understanding in a world that overlooks such specific hardships (Chapter 25, p. 275).
5. How does Jordi’s decision to quit her advertising job reflect the chapter’s themes of transition and risk?
Answer:
Jordi’s career shift aligns with the chapter’s exploration of life changes—whether hormonal, relational, or professional. Her five-year plan acknowledges risk but emphasizes the importance of navigating transitions intentionally (“how we make our way down the cliff”). This mirrors the narrator’s own journey through perimenopause and marital redefinition. Both women confront societal expectations (e.g., stable careers, rigid relationships) and choose paths that prioritize personal growth over convention, highlighting the theme of self-determination amid uncertainty (Chapter 25, p. 273).
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