All Fours
Chapter 23
by July;, MirandaThe chapter opens with the protagonist accompanying her friend Jordi to buy cigarettes after a shocking revelation. Jordi is incredulous about the protagonist’s new arrangement with her husband, Harris, where each is allowed one night of freedom per week without ending their marriage. The protagonist explains she first confessed her desires to a telephotographer, which Jordi calls a “Third Thing”—a Quaker concept allowing indirect communication of difficult truths. The protagonist grapples with the surreal nature of this new freedom, questioning whether their marital structure can adapt or if it’s destined to unravel like childhood myths.
As the protagonist and Jordi discuss the implications of the arrangement, Jordi probes her about potential romantic interests, leading to a humorous yet revealing moment when the protagonist’s gaze lands on a card for an artist named Lore Estes. The conversation shifts to Harris’s potential dating life, with the protagonist speculating he might seek traditional relationships. She reflects on whether their marital crisis could have been avoided with a shared future project or if her artistic risks delayed an inevitable reckoning. The tone is introspective, blending humor with existential uncertainty.
The narrative jumps forward two months, revealing the couple’s cautious navigation of their new dynamic. The protagonist cherishes the daily thrill of freedom, but the fragility of their experiment is tested when Harris admits to a dinner date with another woman. Though shaken, she tries to rationalize the discomfort as the price of their agreement. The tension peaks when Harris reveals they became intimate, leaving the protagonist visibly rattled yet determined to avoid hypocrisy. Their interaction is charged with unspoken emotions, likened to two people suspended midair without support.
The chapter closes with Harris announcing the woman is now his girlfriend, a label that stings the protagonist. She mourns the loss of her own role as his girlfriend-turned-wife, cycling through anger, jealousy, and reluctant acceptance. The abrupt ending hints at the unresolved tension between their desire for freedom and the emotional fallout of redefining their relationship. The chapter masterfully captures the messy, raw emotions of love, autonomy, and the fear of change.
FAQs
1. What is the “Third Thing” concept discussed in the chapter, and how does it function in communication between people?
Answer:
The “Third Thing” is a Quaker concept introduced by Jordi that serves as a neutral topic of conversation that doesn’t belong to either party in a discussion. It acts as a mediator, allowing the soul—typically shy—to express itself more freely “at a slant” through this indirect channel. In the chapter, the narrator uses the telephotographer as their Third Thing to facilitate an honest conversation with Harris about their relationship. This concept helps avoid direct confrontation and creates a safer space for vulnerable discussions by focusing on an external subject rather than personal emotions.2. How does the narrator’s reaction to Harris’s date reveal the complexities of their new relationship arrangement?
Answer:
The narrator’s reaction—alternating between shock, forced acceptance (“I think this is good”), and emotional turmoil—highlights the psychological challenges of their open relationship agreement. While intellectually embracing the concept of freedom (“I can do anything I want”), the reality of Harris dating triggers visceral jealousy and insecurity, particularly when he announces his new “girlfriend.” The narrator’s imagined violence toward the woman followed by guilt (“dusting her off”) illustrates the internal conflict between progressive ideals and primal emotional responses, showing how theoretical arrangements often clash with human emotions in practice.3. Analyze how the metaphor of “waking up into a dream” (page 260) reflects the narrator’s psychological state after establishing the new relationship terms.
Answer:
The metaphor captures the surreal, disorienting quality of the narrator’s new reality where theoretical freedom becomes tangible. Unlike dreams that evaporate upon waking, this arrangement persists as a conscious choice, creating a paradoxical state of liberation and instability. The repeated phrase “waking up into it instead of from it” emphasizes how the boundary between fantasy and reality has dissolved—their former “marriage dream” (compared to Santa Claus) has been replaced by an uncharted, weightless existence (“hovering in the air with nothing holding them up”). This reflects both the exhilaration and terror of abandoning conventional relationship structures.4. What generational and personality differences between Harris and the narrator emerge in their approaches to the open relationship?
Answer:
Harris demonstrates a more traditional approach by quickly formalizing a monogamous-seeming relationship with his “girlfriend,” stating he has “no interest in exploring at this age.” This contrasts sharply with the narrator’s desire for unstructured experimentation (“someone that butch”) and their artistic temperament that thrives on risk (“satisfied by risks taken in art”). The age gap with potential partners also surfaces—Harris is appalled by the suggestion of dating 28-year-old Caro, while the narrator doesn’t voice similar reservations, hinting at differing attitudes toward age appropriateness in relationships that may reflect broader generational values.5. How does the chapter use physical objects (the cigarette, sculptures, exhibition card) to externalize emotional processes?
Answer:
Objects serve as tangible anchors for abstract emotions throughout the chapter. Jordi’s cigarette smoke mirrors the release of tension and the ephemeral nature of their discussion. Her sculptures become obstacles she weaves through, physically manifesting the complexity of the situation. Most significantly, the exhibition card for Lore Estes—a pinned artifact the narrator fixates on—transforms into a symbolic representation of unspoken desires when Jordi unpins and gifts it. These objects operate as the Third Thing in action, allowing suppressed feelings (attraction, anxiety) to surface through material culture rather than direct confrontation.
Quotes
1. “It’s a topic of conversation that doesn’t belong to either party. The soul, usually so shy, can speak more easily through this Third Thing, at a slant.”
This quote introduces the Quaker concept of the “Third Thing” as a mediator for difficult conversations. It represents a key turning point where the protagonist reflects on how indirect communication (via the telephotographer) helped facilitate honesty in her marriage.
2. “The marriage dream might have been a fallacy, but it was old and familiar, like Santa Claus. Something had to replace it.”
This poignant reflection captures the protagonist’s emotional struggle with redefining her marriage. The analogy to Santa Claus underscores both the comfort of illusions and the painful process of growing beyond them.
3. “I can do anything I want. It was like so many dreams I’d had, but I woke up into it instead of from it.”
This powerful statement embodies the central tension of the chapter - the exhilarating yet terrifying reality of newfound freedom. The inversion of the dream metaphor beautifully conveys the surreal quality of this life transition.
4. “We looked at each other in shock, like two people hovering in the air with nothing holding them up. No scaffolding, no strings, no wings—but not falling.”
This vivid metaphor describes the couple’s emotional state after confronting the reality of their new arrangement. The imagery perfectly captures the simultaneous terror and wonder of their uncharted relationship dynamic.
5. “Brutal. But there was enough hypocrisy built into life, one shouldn’t choose it.”
This terse realization represents a key moment of acceptance. The protagonist acknowledges the pain of her husband’s date while affirming her commitment to their honest, if unconventional, approach to marriage.
Quotes
1. “It’s a topic of conversation that doesn’t belong to either party. The soul, usually so shy, can speak more easily through this Third Thing, at a slant.”
This quote introduces the Quaker concept of the “Third Thing” as a mediator for difficult conversations. It represents a key turning point where the protagonist reflects on how indirect communication (via the telephotographer) helped facilitate honesty in her marriage.
2. “The marriage dream might have been a fallacy, but it was old and familiar, like Santa Claus. Something had to replace it.”
This poignant reflection captures the protagonist’s emotional struggle with redefining her marriage. The analogy to Santa Claus underscores both the comfort of illusions and the painful process of growing beyond them.
3. “I can do anything I want. It was like so many dreams I’d had, but I woke up into it instead of from it.”
This powerful statement embodies the central tension of the chapter - the exhilarating yet terrifying reality of newfound freedom. The inversion of the dream metaphor beautifully conveys the surreal quality of this life transition.
4. “We looked at each other in shock, like two people hovering in the air with nothing holding them up. No scaffolding, no strings, no wings — but not falling.”
This vivid metaphor describes the couple’s emotional state after confronting the reality of their new arrangement. The imagery perfectly captures the simultaneous terror and wonder of their uncharted relationship dynamic.
5. “Brutal. But there was enough hypocrisy built into life, one shouldn’t choose it.”
This terse realization represents a key moment of acceptance. The protagonist acknowledges the pain of her husband’s date while affirming her commitment to their honest, if unconventional, approach to marriage.
FAQs
1. What is the “Third Thing” concept discussed in the chapter, and how does it function in communication between people?
Answer:
The “Third Thing” is a Quaker concept introduced by Jordi that serves as a neutral topic of conversation that doesn’t belong to either party in a discussion. It acts as a mediator, allowing the soul—typically shy—to express itself more freely “at a slant” through this indirect channel. In the chapter, the narrator uses the telephotographer as their Third Thing to facilitate an honest conversation with Harris about their relationship. This concept helps avoid direct confrontation and creates a safer space for vulnerable discussions by focusing on an external subject rather than personal emotions.
2. How does the narrator’s reaction to Harris’s date reveal the complexities of their new relationship arrangement?
Answer:
The narrator’s reaction—alternating between shock, forced acceptance (“I think this is good”), and emotional turmoil—highlights the psychological challenges of their open relationship agreement. While intellectually embracing the concept of freedom (“I can do anything I want”), the reality of Harris dating triggers visceral jealousy and insecurity, particularly when he announces his new “girlfriend.” The narrator’s imagined violence toward the woman followed by guilt (“dusting her off”) illustrates the internal conflict between progressive ideals and primal emotional responses, showing how theoretical arrangements often clash with human emotions in practice.
3. Analyze how the metaphor of “waking up into a dream” (page 260) reflects the narrator’s psychological state after establishing the new relationship terms.
Answer:
The metaphor captures the surreal, disorienting quality of the narrator’s new reality where theoretical freedom becomes tangible. Unlike dreams that evaporate upon waking, this arrangement persists as a conscious choice, creating a paradoxical state of liberation and instability. The repeated phrase “waking up into it instead of from it” emphasizes how the boundary between fantasy and reality has dissolved—their former “marriage dream” (compared to Santa Claus) has been replaced by an uncharted, weightless existence (“hovering in the air with nothing holding them up”). This reflects both the exhilaration and terror of abandoning conventional relationship structures.
4. What generational and personality differences between Harris and the narrator emerge in their approaches to the open relationship?
Answer:
Harris demonstrates a more traditional approach by quickly formalizing a monogamous-seeming relationship with his “girlfriend,” stating he has “no interest in exploring at this age.” This contrasts sharply with the narrator’s desire for unstructured experimentation (“someone that butch”) and their artistic temperament that thrives on risk (“satisfied by risks taken in art”). The age gap with potential partners also surfaces—Harris is appalled by the suggestion of dating 28-year-old Caro, while the narrator doesn’t voice similar reservations, hinting at differing attitudes toward age appropriateness in relationships that may reflect broader generational values.
5. How does the chapter use physical objects (the cigarette, sculptures, exhibition card) to externalize emotional processes?
Answer:
Objects serve as tangible anchors for abstract emotions throughout the chapter. Jordi’s cigarette smoke mirrors the release of tension and the ephemeral nature of their discussion. Her sculptures become obstacles she weaves through, physically manifesting the complexity of the situation. Most significantly, the exhibition card for Lore Estes—a pinned artifact the narrator fixates on—transforms into a symbolic representation of unspoken desires when Jordi unpins and gifts it. These objects operate as the Third Thing in action, allowing suppressed feelings (attraction, anxiety) to surface through material culture rather than direct confrontation.
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