All Fours
Chapter 15
by July;, MirandaThe chapter opens with the narrator’s vivid fantasy of recording a seductive dance for Davey, intending to reveal more of herself than he’s seen before. She imagines the dance as a direct, uncomplicated invitation, bypassing moral hesitations. The act is framed as urgent, driven by a darkly humorous acknowledgment of her mortality—she wants to experience sex with him before facing the mundane reality of living for decades afterward. This sets the tone for her desperate, almost obsessive pursuit of Davey, blending desire with a sense of impending doom.
Upon recording herself, the narrator is shocked to discover her body has changed, her butt no longer matching the idealized image in her mind. This realization sparks a crisis, forcing her to confront her physical unpreparedness. She reflects on her historically sedentary lifestyle, mocking her own weakness but also questioning the value of investing time in a “temporary body.” However, faced with a hormonal timeline suggesting she has only months before a metaphorical “cliff’s edge,” she commits to a grueling three-month fitness regimen. The stakes are clear: success means sex with Davey; failure means lifelong regret.
The narrator joins a local gym, where trainers Scarlett and Brett guide her through punishing workouts. She endures the repetitive, exhausting process, fueled by alternating fantasies of Davey—sometimes as a lover, sometimes as someone she must save or even punish. The physical labor becomes a mental battleground, oscillating between desire, rage, and eventual numbness. The gym’s ethos of “failure as success” mirrors her emotional journey, where progress is measured in perpetual struggle rather than resolution. By the end of each session, she’s physically drained but euphoric, suggesting a temporary escape from her fixation.
In a conversation with Jordi, the narrator’s motivations are challenged. Jordi questions what happens after achieving her goal, comparing her pursuit to Wile E. Coyote’s futile chase of the Road Runner. The metaphor hints that Davey might be an unattainable illusion, and catching him could leave her without purpose. The narrator dismisses this, but the exchange underscores the chapter’s central tension: whether her obsession is about Davey or the act of chasing itself. The chapter closes with her clinging to the fantasy, even as the cracks in its logic begin to show.
FAQs
1. What is the protagonist’s primary motivation for wanting to transform her physical appearance through exercise?
Answer:
The protagonist’s main motivation stems from her desire to have sex with Davey before what she perceives as an impending personal “cliff’s edge” (page 178). She views this encounter as a last-chance scenario, contrasting it starkly with “a life of bitterness and regret” (page 178). Her sudden commitment to rigorous training—despite previously considering exercise a poor investment in a “temporary body”—reveals how her obsession with Davey overrides her former philosophy. The detailed visualization of how her improved physique would feel “in his hands” (page 179) underscores how her physical transformation is entirely tied to this romantic/sexual goal.2. How does the author use the gym environment to reflect the protagonist’s emotional state and personal growth?
Answer:
The basement gym, with its repetitive “lift and lower” routines and ever-increasing challenges, mirrors the protagonist’s obsessive, cyclical thoughts about Davey (page 179). Initially, she views the workouts as “basically what Hell was”—a pointless struggle—but gradually, the physical exertion becomes a conduit for her complex emotions: first as a way to fantasize about intimacy (“my body was for our enjoyment”), then as an outlet for rage (“I would destroy him”). The transition to a meditative state (“no thoughts, just the sound of my breath”) suggests temporary emotional catharsis, highlighting how her physical journey parallels her psychological turmoil.3. Analyze the significance of Jordi’s “Wile E. Coyote” analogy in the context of the protagonist’s fixation on Davey.
Answer:
Jordi’s analogy (page 180) critiques the protagonist’s single-minded pursuit by comparing Davey to the Road Runner—a “chimera” or unattainable illusion. The question “what happens after?” challenges the protagonist’s assumption that consummation with Davey would resolve her existential angst. By framing Davey as a narrative device rather than a real solution, Jordi implies that the protagonist’s obsession might be more about self-definition (like the coyote’s identity hinging on the chase) than genuine connection. This foreshadows potential disillusionment if her goal is achieved, as the ice cream scene contrasts her “gleeful” fantasies with Jordi’s sober realism.4. How does the protagonist’s relationship with her body evolve throughout the chapter, and what literary devices emphasize this transformation?
Answer:
The chapter traces a shift from bodily neglect to hyper-awareness, marked by visceral imagery and irony. Initially, the protagonist admits to avoiding exercise (“my arm got tired brushing my teeth,” page 178), yet her horrified reaction to her butt’s changed appearance (“a pair of fat arms,” page 178) sparks drastic action. The juxtaposition of clinical terms (“hormone graph,” page 178) with absurd metaphors (“tushy on my front side”) underscores her disjointed self-perception. By the gym scenes, tactile language (“bright, burning muscles”) and kinetic descriptions (“heaved black metal balls”) convey her newfound physical engagement, though her motivations remain psychologically fraught.
Quotes
1. “I wanted to have sex with him before I died, because after I died I’d have to go on living for another forty-five years.”
This darkly humorous line captures the narrator’s existential dilemma and twisted logic about mortality and desire. It introduces the chapter’s central tension between immediate gratification and long-term consequences.
2. “The two paths were suddenly obvious: sex with Davey vs. a life of bitterness and regret”
Presented as a stark dichotomy, this quote crystallizes the narrator’s all-or-nothing thinking about her obsession. The formatting as a dramatic choice between two extremes reveals her distorted perspective on relationships and fulfillment.
3. “You succeeded by reaching failure again and again… there was only the repetition toward an ever-growing challenge.”
This insightful observation about weight training serves as a metaphor for the narrator’s emotional journey. The gym’s endless cycle mirrors her obsessive pursuit of Davey - never satisfied, always pushing toward an impossible standard.
4. “I would get strong and then I would destroy him, beat the crap out of him… my bright, burning muscles.”
This violent fantasy reveals how the narrator channels her complex feelings about Davey into physical transformation. The quote shows how exercise becomes both an act of self-improvement and imagined revenge.
5. “If he gets the bird, then who is he? What’s the cartoon about? Maybe Davey is supposed to be a chimera.”
Jordi’s Road Runner analogy provides crucial perspective on the narrator’s obsession, suggesting Davey represents an unattainable ideal. This moment of clarity questions whether fulfillment would actually resolve her existential longing.
Quotes
1. “I wanted to have sex with him before I died, because after I died I’d have to go on living for another forty-five years.”
This darkly humorous line captures the narrator’s existential dilemma and twisted logic about mortality and desire. It introduces the chapter’s central tension between immediate gratification and long-term consequences.
2. “The two paths were suddenly obvious: sex with Davey vs. a life of bitterness and regret”
Presented as a stark dichotomy, this quote crystallizes the narrator’s all-or-nothing thinking about her obsession. The formatting as a dramatic choice between two extremes reveals her distorted perspective on relationships and fulfillment.
3. “You succeeded by reaching failure again and again… there was only the repetition toward an ever-growing challenge.”
This insightful observation about weight training serves as a metaphor for the narrator’s emotional journey. The gym’s endless cycle mirrors her obsessive pursuit of Davey - never satisfied, always pushing toward an impossible standard.
4. “I would get strong and then I would destroy him, beat the crap out of him… my bright, burning muscles.”
This violent fantasy reveals how the narrator channels her complex feelings about Davey into physical transformation. The quote shows how exercise becomes both an act of self-improvement and imagined revenge.
5. “If he gets the bird, then who is he? What’s the cartoon about? Maybe Davey is supposed to be a chimera.”
Jordi’s Road Runner analogy provides crucial perspective on the narrator’s obsession, suggesting Davey represents an unattainable ideal. This moment of clarity questions whether fulfillment would actually resolve her existential longing.
— Unknown
FAQs
1. What is the protagonist’s primary motivation for wanting to transform her physical appearance through exercise?
Answer:
The protagonist’s main motivation stems from her desire to have sex with Davey before what she perceives as an impending personal “cliff’s edge” (page 178). She views this encounter as a last-chance scenario, contrasting it starkly with “a life of bitterness and regret” (page 178). Her sudden commitment to rigorous training—despite previously considering exercise a poor investment in a “temporary body”—reveals how her obsession with Davey overrides her former philosophy. The detailed visualization of how her improved physique would feel “in his hands” (page 179) underscores how her physical transformation is entirely tied to this romantic/sexual goal.
2. How does the author use the gym environment to reflect the protagonist’s emotional state and personal growth?
Answer:
The basement gym, with its repetitive “lift and lower” routines and ever-increasing challenges, mirrors the protagonist’s obsessive, cyclical thoughts about Davey (page 179). Initially, she views the workouts as “basically what Hell was”—a pointless struggle—but gradually, the physical exertion becomes a conduit for her complex emotions: first as a way to fantasize about intimacy (“my body was for our enjoyment”), then as an outlet for rage (“I would destroy him”). The transition to a meditative state (“no thoughts, just the sound of my breath”) suggests temporary emotional catharsis, highlighting how her physical journey parallels her psychological turmoil.
3. Analyze the significance of Jordi’s “Wile E. Coyote” analogy in the context of the protagonist’s fixation on Davey.
Answer:
Jordi’s analogy (page 180) critiques the protagonist’s single-minded pursuit by comparing Davey to the Road Runner—a “chimera” or unattainable illusion. The question “what happens after?” challenges the protagonist’s assumption that consummation with Davey would resolve her existential angst. By framing Davey as a narrative device rather than a real solution, Jordi implies that the protagonist’s obsession might be more about self-definition (like the coyote’s identity hinging on the chase) than genuine connection. This foreshadows potential disillusionment if her goal is achieved, as the ice cream scene contrasts her “gleeful” fantasies with Jordi’s sober realism.
4. How does the protagonist’s relationship with her body evolve throughout the chapter, and what literary devices emphasize this transformation?
Answer:
The chapter traces a shift from bodily neglect to hyper-awareness, marked by visceral imagery and irony. Initially, the protagonist admits to avoiding exercise (“my arm got tired brushing my teeth,” page 178), yet her horrified reaction to her butt’s changed appearance (“a pair of fat arms,” page 178) sparks drastic action. The juxtaposition of clinical terms (“hormone graph,” page 178) with absurd metaphors (“tushy on my front side”) underscores her disjointed self-perception. By the gym scenes, tactile language (“bright, burning muscles”) and kinetic descriptions (“heaved black metal balls”) convey her newfound physical engagement, though her motivations remain psychologically fraught.
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