All Fours
Chapter 11
by July;, MirandaThe chapter opens with an intimate conversation between the narrator and Davey, who shares a vivid sex dream about Aaron Bannister, a kind-hearted boy from his high school. Davey describes the dream with surprising openness, including explicit details, which contrasts with the narrator’s past experiences with older men who avoided admitting to such fantasies. The narrator reflects on generational differences, noting how Davey’s comfort with discussing gay eroticism highlights a cultural shift. Their playful dynamic continues as they search for Aaron online, with Davey expressing regret for not exploring a relationship with him in high school, suggesting a fluidity in his sexuality that fascinates the narrator.
As their emotional connection deepens, the narrator becomes overwhelmed with emotion, crying inexplicably when Davey comments on a photo of her first girlfriend. This moment underscores the complexity of their bond, blending nostalgia, vulnerability, and unspoken desires. The tension between them grows, with both acknowledging their mutual attraction but hesitating to act on it. Davey’s statement, “If I kissed you I’d have to fuck you,” reveals the intensity of their chemistry, yet they resist crossing that line, leaving their relationship in a tantalizing limbo.
The chapter takes a surreal turn when the narrator impulsively catches Davey’s urine in her hand during a bathroom visit. This act, both transgressive and intimate, shocks Davey but also arouses him, leading to a tender moment where he carefully washes her hand. Their conversation afterward explores the boundaries of their desires, with Davey expressing curiosity about reciprocating the experience. The narrator’s mixed feelings—horror, fascination, and a sense of connection—highlight the unpredictability of their interactions and the depth of their emotional and physical exploration.
The chapter concludes with another intimate moment as the narrator prepares to change her tampon, and Davey’s earnest but awkward attempt to assist breaks the spell between them. His genuine yet clumsy effort to participate in her private routine contrasts with their earlier fluidity, creating a moment of tension and vulnerability. This scene encapsulates the chapter’s themes of desire, generational differences, and the messy, unpredictable nature of human connection, leaving their relationship poised between intimacy and restraint.
FAQs
1. How does the narrator’s reaction to Davey’s admission of a gay sex dream differ from her experiences with previous partners, and what does this reveal about generational attitudes toward masculinity?
Answer:
The narrator expresses admiration for Davey’s openness about his gay sex dream, contrasting this with her past partners who either denied having such dreams or found the topic threatening. She notes that older generations of men viewed any association with homosexuality as an existential threat to their masculinity, often having faced violence for being perceived as “arty” (page 125). Davey’s comfort reflects a generational shift where “gayness wasn’t as big a deal,” allowing him to embrace fluidity without fearing his manhood is compromised. This highlights evolving cultural norms around masculinity and sexuality.2. Analyze the significance of the urine scene (pages 126-127). How does this unconventional interaction develop the relationship dynamics between the characters?
Answer:
The urine scene serves as a pivotal moment of intimacy and vulnerability. The narrator’s spontaneous act of catching Davey’s pee—described as “disorienting” yet empowering—breaks social taboos, creating a shared secret that bonds them. Davey’s meticulous hand-washing afterward treats her with reverence, while his admission of arousal shows trust in sharing taboo desires. Their reciprocal curiosity (“Do you have to go?”) suggests a relationship built on mutual exploration rather than traditional scripts. This scene underscores their connection as one that thrives on unconventional, emotionally charged experiences beyond conventional physical intimacy.3. Why does the narrator cry after showing Davey a photo of her first girlfriend (page 125), and how does this moment contrast with their earlier conversation about Aaron Bannister?
Answer:
The narrator’s unexplained tears likely stem from the juxtaposition of nostalgia and unresolved emotions about her past relationship, triggered by Davey’s nonjudgmental reaction (“What a cute couple”). This contrasts with their lighthearted discussion of Aaron, where Davey’s humor (“I should have had sex with him”) framed sexuality as playful. The emotional whiplash reveals how memories of queer identity can carry unprocessed weight, even in a progressive context. Where Aaron’s story was shared as erotic trivia, the girlfriend photo taps into deeper personal history, suggesting that same-sex relationships may hold more complex emotional stakes for the narrator.4. How does the tension between desire and restraint manifest in the characters’ near-sexual encounters (pages 125-127)? What broader theme does this illustrate?
Answer:
Their repeated near-encounters—kissing avoided because it would lead to sex, the urine interaction replacing penetration—highlight a theme of charged sublimation. Davey’s statement, “If I kissed you I’d have to fuck you” (page 126), frames sex as an inevitable force, yet they channel tension into unconventional acts (peeing, tampon discussions) that maintain intimacy while avoiding actual cheating. This illustrates how taboo relationships often thrive on liminality—the thrill of possibility—more than fulfillment. The narrator rationalizes this as a “vaccination against bitterness” (page 126), suggesting their restraint paradoxically deepens the connection by sustaining desire.
Quotes
1. “No man I had ever been with had admitted to a gay sex dream. If pressed, and I did, they would say they didn’t have such dreams, which was even more disappointing. I wasn’t asking them to be bisexual, just to inhabit the full range of their manhood.”
This quote captures the narrator’s reflection on societal expectations of masculinity and how her partner’s openness about his gay sex dream contrasts with previous relationships. It highlights the generational shift in attitudes toward male sexuality.
2. “The closer we got to having sex the more clear it became that we really weren’t going to.”
This pivotal moment underscores the tension and unspoken boundaries in their relationship. The quote represents the chapter’s exploration of intimacy that exists in a liminal space between platonic and sexual.
3. “He did this with great focus, as if my hand was something very dear, a treasure.”
Following the unconventional act of catching his urine, this description of his tender hand-washing reveals the depth of care and intimacy in their connection. It exemplifies how ordinary actions become charged with meaning in their relationship.
4. “Innocent yet totally committed, this was his essence.”
This observation about her partner’s character serves as a key insight into their dynamic. The quote encapsulates why the narrator finds him compelling - his ability to be both naive and fully engaged in new experiences.
5. “I didn’t want him to see my vagina. All vaginas look great if you’r”
The truncated final quote (appearing to continue beyond the provided text) introduces body image vulnerability and the contrast between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy in their unconventional relationship.