Martyr!
Cyrus Shams
by Kaveh AkbarThe chapter opens with Cyrus Shams, a disheveled and drug-addled young man, lying in his squalid Indiana apartment, desperately seeking a sign from God. After years of silence, he interprets a flickering light bulb as a potential divine message, though he questions whether it’s a miracle or just faulty wiring. Cyrus reflects on the unfairness of biblical figures like Muhammad and Saul, who received unambiguous revelations, while he is left grasping for clarity. His longing for a tangible connection with the divine is palpable, underscored by his vow to abandon his meager possessions—dirty laundry and stolen books—if God would only confirm His presence.
Cyrus’s existential crisis is compounded by his substance abuse, as he recounts the mix of alcohol, prescription pills, and other drugs he’s consumed. Despite his altered state, he feels relatively sober, which makes the flickering light bulb even more unsettling. He wonders if his desperate yearning could have distorted his perception, creating the illusion of a sign. The chapter delves into his skepticism and hope, as he grapples with the possibility that God might now work through mundane, flawed vessels—like a drunk Iranian-American in the Midwest—rather than through grand, biblical interventions.
The moment of potential revelation passes without repetition, leaving Cyrus in a state of uncertainty. He stares at the light bulb, now resembling a hazy moon through cigarette smoke, but no further confirmation comes. The chapter captures his internal conflict: is the flicker a divine nudge or a trick of his mind? His surroundings—a mess of empty pill bottles, unwashed clothes, and half-read books—mirror his fractured psyche. The weight of his decision looms: should he act on this ambiguous sign or dismiss it as a hallucination?
In the end, Cyrus is left suspended between faith and doubt, his life a chaotic blend of spiritual yearning and self-destruction. The chapter paints a vivid portrait of a man teetering on the edge of revelation and despair, searching for meaning in a world that offers no clear answers. His struggle reflects broader themes of identity, belief, and the human desire for connection with something greater, even in the face of overwhelming ambiguity.
FAQs
1. What substances had Cyrus consumed prior to his potential divine encounter, and how does he rationalize their potential influence on his experience?
Answer:
Cyrus had consumed a combination of alcohol (bourbon), weed, cigarettes, Klonopin, Adderall, and Neurontin throughout the day, with Percocets saved for later. He reflects that none of these were “exotic” substances likely to cause full hallucinations, and he felt “pretty sober relative to his baseline” (p. 4). This rationalization highlights his internal conflict—while acknowledging the drugs’ presence, he questions whether the flickering light was divine intervention or merely his strained perception fueled by intoxication and desperate yearning for spiritual connection. The passage underscores his oscillation between skepticism and hope.2. How does Cyrus critique traditional narratives of divine revelation (e.g., Muhammad, Saul), and what does this reveal about his worldview?
Answer:
Cyrus resentfully contrasts his ambiguous experience with the dramatic revelations of figures like Muhammad (visited by an archangel) and Saul (struck by heavenly light). He argues their faith was merely “obedience to what they plainly observed to be true” (p. 3), while ordinary people like him face existential uncertainty without clear signs. This critique exposes his struggle with divine unfairness and his desire for tangible proof—a theme central to the chapter. His bitterness reflects a postmodern disillusionment with organized religion’s privileging of select individuals while leaving others in spiritual limbo.3. Analyze the symbolic significance of the light bulb flicker and Cyrus’s reaction to it. How does this moment encapsulate the chapter’s themes?
Answer:
The flickering light bulb serves as a metaphor for ambiguous divinity in the modern world—potentially miraculous or merely electrical. Cyrus’s desperate plea (“flash the lights and I’ll figure it out,” p. 4) and subsequent doubt mirror the chapter’s exploration of faith in an era where God’s presence is uncertain. His demand for a “do-over” (p. 3) and password-like confirmation (p. 5) reflects a generation conditioned to digital certainty, struggling to reconcile spiritual longing with rational skepticism. The moment encapsulates themes of addiction-as-coping-mechanism, the search for meaning, and the tension between revelation and delusion.4. How does the physical environment of Cyrus’s bedroom reflect his psychological state and life circumstances?
Answer:
The bedroom—reeking of “piss and Febreze,” littered with soiled laundry, pill bottles, and half-read books with broken spines (pp. 3-5)—mirrors Cyrus’s chaotic existence. The bare mattress on hardwood floors suggests rootlessness, while the whiskey bottle replacing a bedside table symbolizes his dependency on substances for stability (“it lifted him daily from the same sleep it eventually set him into,” p. 4). This squalor contrasts with his lofty spiritual yearning, creating a poignant dissonance between his intellectual aspirations (evidenced by stolen library books) and self-destructive reality. The environment embodies his simultaneous degradation and desperate search for transcendence.
Quotes
1. “Maybe it was that Cyrus had done the wrong drugs in the right order, or the right drugs in the wrong order, but when God finally spoke back to him after twenty-seven years of silence, what Cyrus wanted more than anything else was a do-over. Clarification.”
This opening passage establishes the central tension of the chapter - Cyrus’s desperate search for divine confirmation amid his chemically altered state. The “do-over” motif introduces the theme of spiritual uncertainty that permeates the narrative.
2. “How was it fair to celebrate those guys for faith that wasn’t faith at all, that was just obedience to what they plainly observed to be true? And what sense did it make to punish the rest of humanity who had never been privy to such explicit revelation?”
Here Cyrus articulates his core theological dilemma, questioning the nature of faith and divine justice. This quote represents the chapter’s philosophical heart, challenging traditional notions of religious revelation and human responsibility.
3. “If every relationship was a series of advances and retreats, Cyrus was almost never the retreat-er, sharing everything important about himself at a word, a smile, with a shrug as if to say, ‘Those’re just facts. Why should I be ashamed?’”
This insight into Cyrus’s character reveals his vulnerable yet defiant approach to life and spirituality. The passage highlights the protagonist’s raw honesty, which makes his subsequent divine encounter more poignant.
4. “Tired of interventionist pyrotechnics like burning bushes and locust plagues, maybe God now worked through the tired eyes of drunk Iranians in the American Midwest, through CVS handles of bourbon and little pink pills with G 31 written on their side.”
This powerful metaphor captures the chapter’s modern spiritual paradox - the search for transcendence in mundane, even compromised circumstances. It suggests a contemporary theology where divinity manifests through human frailty rather than spectacular miracles.
5. “Whatever sliver of a flicker he had or hadn’t perceived didn’t come back. And so, lying there in the stuffy haze of relative sobriety—itself a kind of high—amidst the underwear and cans and dried piss and empty orange pill bottles and half-read books held open against the hardwood, breaking their spines to face away—Cyrus had a decision to make.”
The chapter’s concluding lines present Cyrus at a crossroads, surrounded by the detritus of his life. This vivid imagery underscores the existential choice between dismissing his experience as chemical illusion or embracing it as genuine revelation.