Chap­ter 81 of All the Col­ors of the Dark unfolds as Saint and her grand­moth­er, Nor­ma, spend time at the Cas­tor Riv­er Shut-Ins, a peace­ful area where nature offers a rare moment of solace. The stun­ning pink gran­ite for­ma­tions pro­vide a beau­ti­ful back­drop as Saint, with her Nikon cam­era, cap­tures the breath­tak­ing scenery. She also takes a pho­to­graph of a Saint Bernard hap­pi­ly play­ing in the plunge pools, a sym­bol of care­free joy amidst the sur­round­ing seren­i­ty. The tran­quil­i­ty of the envi­ron­ment con­trasts sharply with the deep emo­tion­al strug­gles both women face. As they con­tin­ue their walk through the Ami­don Memo­r­i­al Con­ser­va­tion Area, the mood shifts when Nor­ma, con­cerned about Saint’s emo­tion­al state, brings up the top­ic of Joseph. The con­ver­sa­tion reveals the strain that’s been build­ing up with­in Saint, as Norma’s pro­tec­tive nature man­i­fests in her wor­ry about how much this tur­moil is affect­ing her grand­daugh­ter. Saint’s response, how­ev­er, is more focused on her own feel­ings of con­fu­sion, as she finds her­self caught between sup­port­ing Joseph and under­stand­ing the emo­tion­al toll it’s tak­ing on her.

Norma’s con­cern grows as she asks how much Saint is tru­ly affect­ed by Joseph’s cryp­tic and dis­turb­ing mes­sages. These mes­sages, filled with ram­bling thoughts about dreams and a mys­te­ri­ous girl, have clear­ly been on Joseph’s mind for some time. Despite how trou­bling these mes­sages are, Saint remains stead­fast in her deter­mi­na­tion to help him, believ­ing that her involve­ment could offer him the clar­i­ty he needs. Nor­ma, how­ev­er, is less sure about this approach. She wor­ries that Saint’s fix­a­tion on Joseph’s sit­u­a­tion could cause her emo­tion­al harm, and she voic­es her con­cerns about Joseph’s obses­sive thoughts and how they might be affect­ing Saint’s well-being. Their con­ver­sa­tion becomes a tug-of-war between two dis­tinct emo­tion­al per­spec­tives: Norma’s pro­tec­tive instincts, which urge Saint to let go of Joseph, and Saint’s own deep-seat­ed need to be there for him, despite the uncer­tain­ty sur­round­ing his men­tal state. This emo­tion­al divide speaks to the broad­er theme of loy­al­ty and self-preser­va­tion, as Saint wres­tles with the desire to be sup­port­ive while rec­og­niz­ing the need to pri­or­i­tize her own emo­tion­al health.

When they return home, a new com­pli­ca­tion aris­es in the form of an invi­ta­tion to Misty Meyer’s six­teenth birth­day par­ty, an event that ini­tial­ly seems unre­lat­ed to Saint’s emo­tion­al tur­moil. Saint, still pre­oc­cu­pied with Joseph’s sit­u­a­tion and the mys­tery of the girl from his dreams, strug­gles to under­stand the sig­nif­i­cance of attend­ing a par­ty in the midst of her emo­tion­al chaos. Her focus is entire­ly on Joseph, and she feels dis­con­nect­ed from the cel­e­bra­to­ry nature of the occa­sion. How­ev­er, Nor­ma encour­ages her to attend the par­ty, sug­gest­ing that it might be a good way to dis­tract her­self and, more impor­tant­ly, that Joseph will be there. This brings Saint into a new inter­nal con­flict: she feels oblig­at­ed to attend because of Joseph’s pres­ence, yet her mind remains cloud­ed with wor­ries about him. She’s torn between the need to expe­ri­ence nor­mal social inter­ac­tions, like attend­ing Misty’s par­ty, and her obses­sive fix­a­tion on Joseph’s trou­bles. Nor­ma, sens­ing the strug­gle, reminds Saint that Joseph has not lost every­thing, which adds anoth­er lay­er of com­plex­i­ty to Saint’s already dif­fi­cult emo­tion­al state. The par­ty invi­ta­tion, once a sim­ple social oblig­a­tion, now car­ries much more weight for Saint. It becomes a sym­bol of the divide between the life she feels she should lead—one filled with con­nec­tion, com­mu­ni­ty, and celebration—and the life she feels con­sumed by, which is tied to Joseph’s painful uncer­tain­ty. The chap­ter clos­es with Saint left in a state of inde­ci­sion, ques­tion­ing what she tru­ly needs and how she can bal­ance the com­pet­ing demands of love, loy­al­ty, and per­son­al growth.