Chap­ter 179 of All the Col­ors of the Dark opens with Saint’s jour­ney along the Long Island Express­way, where she feels a mix of nos­tal­gia and anx­i­ety that hangs over her like a heavy fog. The warmth of her rental car’s heater offers a drowsy com­fort as she nav­i­gates through the traf­fic con­ges­tion around the Queens–Midtown Tun­nel. The cityscape grad­u­al­ly gives way to the more expan­sive spaces of Nas­sau Coun­ty and Suf­folk, where the land­scape shifts from dull grays to vibrant greens. This change in scenery height­ens the sense of trep­i­da­tion in her stom­ach, a stark con­trast to the emo­tion­al weight she car­ries from the past. Each mile she trav­els brings her clos­er to a des­ti­na­tion filled with mem­o­ries and unre­solved emo­tions, and the unease grows as she con­tem­plates the sig­nif­i­cance of the jour­ney ahead.

As she con­tin­ues her dri­ve, the sound of Patch’s voice on the stereo echoes in her mind, con­nect­ing her to the past and stir­ring emo­tions that she hasn’t ful­ly processed. Saint real­izes that the only way to move for­ward is to hear Grace’s voice once more, hop­ing it will offer clar­i­ty and guide her toward clo­sure. But her thoughts are filled with an unset­tling reflec­tion: “Maybe one day I’ll be the first to see him after the Res­ur­rec­tion. And if I’m cho­sen, he’ll send me back to the three per­sons. And they’ll hol­low me out. Watch my blood flow over black rock like I nev­er even was.” This chill­ing and cryp­tic thought inten­si­fies the emo­tion­al com­plex­i­ty of the jour­ney, blend­ing spir­i­tu­al mus­ings with the deep­er tur­moil that Saint feels with­in. The dark under­cur­rents of her past weigh heav­i­ly on her, and she won­ders if this jour­ney will offer more than just answers; per­haps it will force her to face a real­i­ty that she’s long avoid­ed.

Saint’s dri­ve through the qui­et small towns and coastal com­mu­ni­ties empha­sizes the con­trast between the exter­nal calm and her inter­nal rest­less­ness. The once vibrant sum­mer towns now seem bar­ren and life­less, stripped of their ener­gy by the cold winds of win­ter, mir­ror­ing her own sense of empti­ness. Arriv­ing in Black Rock, she parks far from the church, her col­lar pulled tight against the bit­ing air. The town, in its off­sea­son qui­etude, feels desert­ed, with many homes closed off to the cold. As she approach­es St. Mary Magdalene’s church on Trin­i­ty Road, she feels the weight of its sig­nif­i­cance press down on her. It’s not just a build­ing she’s walk­ing toward—it’s a place tied to her past, and to the unre­solved ques­tions that have haunt­ed her for so long. For a moment, she stands there, look­ing at the church, feel­ing the pull of both her past and the unknown future.

The chap­ter con­tin­ues to high­light the emo­tion­al land­scape of Saint’s jour­ney. It’s clear that the dri­ve is not just a lit­er­al move­ment from one place to anoth­er, but a deeply intro­spec­tive jour­ney filled with past reflec­tions and per­son­al reck­on­ings. As she walks toward the church, she’s caught in the ten­sion between the per­son she was and the per­son she hopes to become. The qui­et sur­round­ings of Black Rock—empty and seem­ing­ly frozen in time—contrast with the tur­moil inside her. This set­ting serves as the per­fect back­drop for her reflec­tions, as Saint grap­ples with the ghosts of her past, par­tic­u­lar­ly her con­nec­tion with Grace, and tries to make peace with the haunt­ing mem­o­ries that have defined her life. The con­trast­ing ele­ments of nos­tal­gia and dis­com­fort build an atmos­phere of melan­cholic reflec­tion, draw­ing the read­er deep­er into Sain­t’s emo­tion­al con­flict. The jour­ney ahead is uncer­tain, but the weight of the past looms large, shap­ing the path she must walk to find clo­sure.