In Chap­ter 130 of “All the Col­ors of the Dark,” the pro­tag­o­nist, Saint, is depict­ed in a state of emo­tion­al tur­moil as she sits on the floor of her small apart­ment, intense­ly focused on a large map that sprawls across the space. Despite not hav­ing eat­en or slept, she has made the jour­ney back to Kansas, imme­di­ate­ly seek­ing solace in a warm show­er while avoid­ing her reflec­tion. The chap­ter reveals a con­ver­sa­tion with her grand­moth­er, Nor­ma, over the phone, which high­lights Sain­t’s inner con­flict and phys­i­cal pain, evi­denced by the injuries she has suf­fered.

Nor­ma, unaware of the extent of Sain­t’s injuries, remarks on her granddaughter’s unusu­al demeanor, express­ing con­cern over her well-being. Saint defends her­self with a fab­ri­cat­ed excuse of a cold, mask­ing the real­i­ty of her emo­tion­al and phys­i­cal scars. This inter­ac­tion under­scores the dis­con­nect between Saint and her fam­i­ly, as she grap­ples with trau­ma and heal­ing. The con­ver­sa­tion shifts to light-heart­ed plans for ice cream, where Saint’s pain man­i­fests through her response, reveal­ing both her long­ing for inno­cence and the bur­dens she car­ries.

The nar­ra­tive cap­tures a poignant moment of reflec­tion for Saint, as she recalls fond mem­o­ries of her childhood—sitting under a tree in Norma’s yard, while the rain touched her coat. How­ev­er, she grap­ples with the notion that her past is irrev­o­ca­bly taint­ed by her recent expe­ri­ences. Her under­stand­ing of cog­ni­tive dis­so­nance sug­gests a deep­er aware­ness of her psy­cho­log­i­cal state, hint­ing at a desire to unlearn painful asso­ci­a­tions.

Ulti­mate­ly, the chap­ter delves into themes of trau­ma, mem­o­ry, and the strug­gle to retain one’s iden­ti­ty in the wake of sig­nif­i­cant change. Sain­t’s jour­ney is at once geo­graph­i­cal and emo­tion­al, illus­trat­ing the chasm that now exists between her past self and her present real­i­ty, lead­ing to an inevitable ten­sion as she nav­i­gates her return home with new­found scars both inside and out.