Chapter 190 of All the Colors of the Dark begins with Saint wrestling with the emotional and practical weight of raising Charlotte, a daughter who seems to be drifting further into silence. Parenting, already fraught with challenges, becomes even more difficult as Charlotte distances herself. Saint reflects on the everyday decisions made with care—like speaking to Norma about her daughter’s diet, or turning to Dr. Caldwell to understand why Charlotte struggles with sleep. Their weekly tea sessions with Mrs. Meyer offer temporary relief, where shared stories and the comforting ritual of tea give way to quiet moments under the expansive Midwest sky. But even those soothing rituals can’t stop the emotional weather inside their home from turning stormy. Charlotte, meanwhile, shuts herself away in her late father’s studio, letting Nirvana’s music pour from behind closed doors, where creativity once lived but now sits dormant. Sammy, preferring sunlight and warmth, retreats to the sidewalk, away from the isolation within.

Charlotte’s guarded nature becomes even more evident during her therapy sessions with Dr. Rita Kohl. Her walls remain high, her responses short, and her body language closed off. Saint tries to connect, sometimes through articles—like the one about Patch—but these gestures are swiftly dismissed by Charlotte, who coldly labels it trash. This moment exposes the emotional gulf widening between them. Charlotte’s rejection isn’t just about a story; it’s about trust, about distance, and about an adolescent resisting any reminder of the past or intrusion into her present. Saint feels helpless as each effort to bridge the silence meets a new wall. Still, she persists—because that’s what a mother does, especially one carrying the weight of guilt, fear, and unresolved grief. The difficulty of parenting through trauma and change is palpable, making every conversation feel like a balancing act between truth and tenderness.

Beyond motherhood, Saint’s mind stays occupied with thoughts of the systemic issues affecting inmates like Patch. Her concern for him runs deeper than past ties—it reflects a broader empathy for people discarded by a system that often forgets its own humanity. She reaches out to political figures, tries to find legal avenues, and writes letters that go mostly unanswered, all while maintaining her everyday duties. The contrast between the quiet work she does for Patch and the loud silence in her home adds complexity to her emotional state. It’s not just about Patch or Charlotte—it’s about how powerlessness can seep into every corner of life. Her advocacy is, in many ways, a coping mechanism for her inability to fix what’s breaking at home. Still, she keeps trying, clinging to the hope that something, somewhere, will change.

Charlotte eventually speaks—but only to reject further connection. She announces her need for space, making it clear she’s not interested in dissecting her thoughts or emotions. For Saint, this moment is familiar yet still cuts deep. As a last-ditch effort, she lightens the tone and offers to teach Charlotte self-defense—an offer wrapped in dry humor, trying to bridge the emotional distance with levity. Charlotte doesn’t respond, but Saint’s attempt reveals the essence of her love: persistent, awkward, often unreciprocated, but unwavering. The chapter closes on this strange moment of near-comedy, underscoring the contrast between the love a parent gives and the resistance a teen often returns. It’s a quiet but honest glimpse into the heartache of raising someone who’s learning to navigate pain in her own, often wordless, way.

This chapter skillfully intertwines themes of disconnection, unresolved trauma, and the quiet desperation of wanting to help someone who refuses to be reached. Through its raw and intimate portrayal of a strained mother-daughter dynamic, it illustrates how grief—whether for people, relationships, or lost parts of the self—can shape every interaction. By keeping the narrative grounded in the ordinary while hinting at larger emotional undercurrents, the story maintains a steady tension that invites empathy and reflection from readers navigating similar struggles in their own lives.