Chapter 194 of All the Colors of the Dark continues with Saint’s monthly check-ins with Himes after her resignation, a decision she made some time ago, which Himes accepted with a calm demeanor. While his response to her departure was marked by an understated belief in her future success, it was evident that there was a certain formality to their exchanges now. As Saint gazes out at the fading light of the street, she asks about any updates, but Himes, with his usual cynicism, replies that if there was anything worth sharing, he would have called her. This exchange, while routine, highlights the subtle distance between them. The conversation shifts, carrying with it a palpable undercurrent of tension, as Saint continues to wrestle with her growing concerns surrounding Eli Aaron, a figure who casts a long shadow over her thoughts. Her anxiety grows with each passing moment, as she grapples with the fear that Eli’s behavior might take a dark turn again, and the responsibility she feels for protecting her loved ones, especially her grandmother Charlotte, from the potential danger he represents.

The tone of the conversation lightens briefly when Himes, in a casual tone, mentions the simple meal he had of a whole egg. Saint, always quick to find humor in mundane things, makes a comment about how the egg looks like a snake. This brief exchange is a rare moment of lightness in their otherwise heavy conversation, but it doesn’t take long for their discussion to return to more serious matters. Saint’s thoughts again turn to Eli Aaron, and the lingering anxiety over his possible actions continues to hang over the dialogue. This ongoing tension is felt by Saint, who can’t shake the idea that his past actions may resurface in the worst possible way, putting everyone she cares about in harm’s way. As the conversation progresses, the mood shifts once again to a darker place when Saint reflects on Carl Eugene Watts and his disturbing crimes. She speaks about them in a detached, almost clinical manner, a coping mechanism that helps her stay focused despite the gut-wrenching nature of the topic. Himes, however, picks up on her emotional distance and responds by acknowledging her ability to compartmentalize, which only serves to heighten the tension between them. Their shared history and professional connection are evident, but the conversation underscores the complexities of their dynamic—how the personal and professional bleed into one another, creating an atmosphere where understanding and discomfort coexist.

Amidst the heavy subjects, their conversation is punctuated by moments of humor, such as when Himes jokingly mentions Sister Isabelle’s trifocals, which momentarily lightens the mood. Saint, for a brief moment, allows herself to appreciate the humor, a reminder that despite the weight of their work and the darkness of the world they navigate, they still share small moments of connection. However, this brief relief fades quickly as Saint asks for the case file concerning Eli Aaron, a request that brings the conversation back to its somber tone. As expected, Himes dismisses her request, repeating his belief that the case file would not serve her in the way she hopes. This consistent response from Himes serves as a reminder of the limitations of their communication, as they both remain locked in a professional relationship that can only go so far. Saint, despite her frustration, respects his boundaries, but the weight of the case continues to press down on her, forcing her to seek other ways to understand and protect those she loves.

On her desk sits a cup of warm milk, and nearby, a romance novel, symbolizing the quiet moments of comfort she clings to amidst the storm of her thoughts. These small comforts, juxtaposed against the intensity of her professional life, serve as a reminder of the delicate balance Saint strives to maintain between the harsh realities of her work and the need for personal solace. As the chapter draws to a close, the complexities of Saint’s life and relationships are laid bare, filled with unresolved questions and the unrelenting pull of the past. The moments of levity are fleeting, and the weight of responsibility continues to rest heavily on her shoulders, leaving her torn between her duty and the need for emotional connection. Through their interactions, the chapter skillfully blends the lighter moments of humor with the deeper, darker undercurrents of their world, encapsulating the complexities of their relationship and the ongoing struggle to find peace amidst chaos.