CHAPTER 31 – Men’s Manners

Chapter 31 of “Worldly Ways and Byways” titled “Men’s Manners” delves into the evolution of men’s manners over different generations, as observed by the author, who feels a disconnect from the emerging etiquettes of younger men. The chapter begins with a nostalgic reflection on how manners have shifted from the author’s youth to the present, emphasizing a perceived improvement in young men’s politeness and respectfulness. The author reminisces about three distinct periods in men’s manners, beginning with the “old school” gentlemen of his earliest memories, who epitomized formal and respectful conduct, embodying the ideals set forth by notable figures like Sir Charles Grandison and Lord Chesterfield.

As the narrative progresses, a critical view is taken of a subsequent generation that emerged around 1875. This group, influenced by English university education, sought to disrupt traditional manners by adopting a more aloof and dismissive demeanor, particularly in social settings. This era is characterized by a deliberate avoidance of engaging conversation and a penchant for a reserved, indifferent attitude, which the author criticizes for its lack of warmth and sociability.

However, the chapter concludes on a hopeful note, highlighting a return to refined manners among the current generation of young men. This recent shift is attributed to the influential upbringing by their mothers, who had been significantly more refined and cultured than their male counterparts in previous generations. The author expresses admiration for the young men around him, citing their breeding, civility, and respect for elders as evidence of progress in men’s manners. The author laments the past attraction to foreign influence, specifically the uncritical admiration for English gentlemen, but takes solace in the improved self-respect and discernment of the younger generation, who no longer idolize foreign manners uncritically.

In summary, “Men’s Manners” captures the evolution of social etiquette among men across generations, highlighting the fluctuations between formality and informality and culminating in a recognition of the positive role of maternal influence in shaping the genteel manners of the contemporary generation. The chapter reflects a blend of personal observation, societal critique, and a forward-looking optimism regarding the enduring impact of refined upbringing on social conduct.