CHAPTER 17 — Etiquette At Home and Abroad

In “Eti­quette At Home and Abroad,” the author reflects on the con­se­quences of neglect­ing eti­quette in both per­son­al and pub­lic spheres, inspired by an inci­dent involv­ing the Grand Duchess Olga in St. Peters­burg. This con­tem­pla­tion reveals a broad­er cri­tique of the Amer­i­can and, to some extent, the Eng­lish dis­re­gard for the nuances of social cus­toms, espe­cial­ly when com­pared to the cer­e­mo­ni­ous behav­ior appre­ci­at­ed in oth­er cul­tures. The author argues for the incor­po­ra­tion of more for­mal polite­ness into dai­ly inter­ac­tions, not just with strangers but with­in the home and towards those con­sid­ered infe­ri­ors, sug­gest­ing that polite­ness stems from kind­ness and is essen­tial for smooth social func­tion­ing.

High­light­ing the con­flict between Amer­i­cans’ “free and easy-going” demeanor and the detailed eti­quette of Euro­pean and oth­er cul­tures, the chap­ter includes anec­dotes that illus­trate mis­un­der­stand­ings and con­flicts aris­ing from cul­tur­al dif­fer­ences in man­ners. These sto­ries range from a young Amer­i­can girl unknow­ing­ly offend­ing a French concierge to a British but­ler uncom­fort­able with friend­ly inter­ac­tions, under­scor­ing the author’s point that a lack of polite­ness and under­stand­ing of local cus­toms can lead to dis­com­fort and even alien­ation.

The text also dis­cuss­es the shock and dis­il­lu­sion­ment Amer­i­cans feel upon dis­cov­er­ing they are not as wel­comed abroad as they might have thought, large­ly due to their igno­rance of or indif­fer­ence to local eti­quette. It argues for a more gra­cious approach toward ser­vice work­ers and oth­ers we might con­sid­er our social infe­ri­ors, sug­gest­ing that such behav­iors not only fos­ter good­will but also facil­i­tate smoother inter­per­son­al rela­tions.

Final­ly, the author crit­i­cizes the harsh and impo­lite man­ner in which chil­dren and young peo­ple are often treat­ed with­in fam­i­lies. They advo­cate for the same lev­el of respect and con­sid­er­a­tion to be extend­ed to the young and depen­dent as is expect­ed in for­mal soci­ety, imply­ing that such changes in atti­tude could enhance har­mo­ny and under­stand­ing in per­son­al rela­tions. By draw­ing par­al­lels between these domes­tic inter­ac­tions and the cer­e­mo­ni­al respect shown to the infant princess in St. Peters­burg, the chap­ter advo­cates for a uni­ver­sal appli­ca­tion of respect and polite­ness as essen­tial com­po­nents of both pub­lic and pri­vate life.