If These Wings Could Fly
Chapter Thirty-Five
by McCauley, KyrieIn this chapter, Leighton’s emotional turmoil surfaces as she struggles with the weight of her family’s troubled dynamics. After ensuring her sisters are off to school, she seeks refuge in Liam’s car, her tears triggered unexpectedly by his gentle greeting. The rain outside mirrors her internal storm, emphasizing her vulnerability. Liam’s presence offers a rare comfort, allowing Leighton to release the flood of emotions she usually suppresses. This moment of raw honesty reveals the depth of her pain and the isolation she feels, despite her efforts to maintain control in her daily life.
Leighton opens up about the ongoing difficulties at home, revealing a history marked by fear and uncertainty. She explains the complex reasons that keep them tethered to an unhealthy environment, including love, hope for change, and practical constraints like money and housing. The blurred line between affection and abuse complicates her understanding of her father’s behavior, making it difficult for her to fully accept the reality of their situation. Liam’s concern and willingness to listen without judgment provide a crucial support system for Leighton as she navigates these conflicting emotions.
The chapter also highlights the challenges of breaking free from toxic family patterns. Despite attempts to escape, Leighton and her siblings always end up returning, anchored by their mother’s decisions and the concept of “home.” Liam’s urgent insistence that Leighton deserves better contrasts with her resigned acceptance of their circumstances. This tension underscores the emotional and psychological barriers that prevent Leighton from leaving, even as she acknowledges the need to change. The chapter poignantly portrays the complexity of familial bonds and the struggle to find safety and stability.
As the rain subsides, the imagery of crows playing in the trees symbolizes fleeting moments of freedom and lightness amidst hardship. This brief scene of natural beauty offers a glimmer of hope and normalcy before Leighton faces the demands of her school day. Her rush to catch a calculus exam reflects the ongoing pressure to maintain appearances and responsibilities despite personal turmoil. The chapter closes with a sense of unresolved tension, capturing Leighton’s fragile balance between vulnerability and resilience.
FAQs
1. How does the author use the weather and setting to reflect Leighton’s emotional state in this chapter?
Answer:
The chapter opens with Leighton hurrying through pouring rain, a metaphor for her overwhelming emotions. The relentless rain parallels her uncontrollable tears and internal struggle, emphasizing a sense of turmoil and vulnerability. The small gravel lot, hidden and detached from Auburn and reality, symbolizes a safe but isolated space where Leighton can finally express her pain. Later, as the rain lets up and crows play on the branches, the environment shifts to something softer and more hopeful, mirroring Leighton’s gradual emotional release and the tentative comfort she finds in Liam’s presence. This use of setting and weather effectively externalizes her inner conflict and healing process.2. What role does Liam play in Leighton’s experience during this chapter, and how does their interaction deepen our understanding of her situation?
Answer:
Liam acts as a compassionate and stabilizing presence in Leighton’s life. His gentle approach—calling her “beautiful” and patiently encouraging her to share her pain—provides a stark contrast to the harshness she endures at home. Liam’s refusal to judge her (“he doesn’t look at me like I’m stupid”) creates a safe emotional space where Leighton can finally break down and be vulnerable. His concern, evident in his questions about abuse and his desire for her to leave the toxic environment, highlights the severity of her situation. Their interaction reveals Leighton’s isolation and fear, but also her hope and the possibility of support outside her family.3. Analyze the significance of Leighton’s hesitation and difficulty in articulating her feelings about her family’s situation. What does this reveal about her internal conflict?
Answer:
Leighton’s hesitation—exemplified by her initial cryptic comment about folding towels wrong and stopping herself from fully disclosing the abuse—illustrates her deep internal conflict and fear. This reluctance reveals the complexity of her emotions: love and fear intertwined with pain and confusion. She struggles to reconcile her father’s loving moments with his abusive behavior, which blurs the lines of her perception and makes it difficult to fully accept her reality. This ambivalence underscores the psychological impact of living in an abusive environment, where victims often grapple with loyalty, denial, and hope for change, complicating their ability to seek help or escape.4. Considering Leighton’s reflections on why her family keeps returning home despite the abuse, how does the chapter explore the theme of attachment to “home”?
Answer:
The chapter explores “home” as a complex, emotionally charged concept rather than simply a physical place. Despite the abuse, Leighton and her siblings keep returning because “home” is tied to their mother’s sense of belonging and hope for change. The notion that “as long as it is home to her, that’s where we will be” highlights the power of emotional bonds and familial loyalty that can trap individuals in harmful situations. This attachment complicates the idea of escape, showing that leaving an abusive environment involves not just physical departure but overcoming deep psychological and relational ties.5. How does the imagery of the crows playing on the wet branch function symbolically in the chapter, particularly in relation to Leighton’s emotional journey?
Answer:
The crows’ playful behavior on the slippery, rain-soaked branch serves as a powerful symbol of resilience and hope. Despite the precariousness of their environment, the crows take turns hanging upside down and letting go, embodying trust, risk, and the joy of small freedoms. For Leighton, observing this moment with Liam represents a shift from emotional turmoil to a fragile sense of peace and vulnerability. The crows’ playfulness amidst adversity mirrors Leighton’s tentative steps toward healing and the possibility of finding lightness and connection despite her heavy burdens. This imagery reinforces the theme of endurance and the potential for renewal after hardship.
Quotes
1. “I didn’t cry at my father’s ugly words last night, but for some reason, ‘beautiful’ tips me right over the edge, and I can’t stop the tears that spill down my cheeks.”
This quote captures the emotional vulnerability of the narrator, highlighting how kindness can break through even the toughest defenses. It sets the tone for the chapter’s exploration of pain, resilience, and the need for compassion.
2. “It feels like those summer storms where the black clouds roll in fast, and the storm is relentless and violent, but you know that it will end as fast as it began. Summer will resume as if the storm never happened, and everything is just left wet.”
This metaphor vividly illustrates the narrator’s emotional experience of breaking down—intense but transient—offering insight into her coping mechanism and the cyclical nature of her struggles.
3. “There’s always some excuse for it. Money. The house. Forgiveness. He’s changed. Really this time. But I don’t know. It’s like she can’t even see he’s a monster because she loves him.”
Here the narrator explains the complex dynamics of staying in an abusive environment, revealing the painful conflict between love and fear that traps her family. This is a key thematic statement about denial and emotional manipulation.
4. “Leighton, you’ve gotta get away from that. You don’t deserve that.”
This direct and powerful assertion from Liam crystallizes the moral imperative and urgency behind escaping abuse. It represents a turning point in the chapter, underscoring the necessity of self-worth and safety.
5. “Home. As long as it is home to her, that’s where we will be.”
This poignant reflection expresses the heartbreaking reality of how “home” can be both a place of belonging and entrapment. It encapsulates the chapter’s tension between love, loyalty, and survival.