If These Wings Could Fly
Chapter Thirty-Eight
by McCauley, KyrieThe chapter opens with a vivid and somber scene where the narrator surveys a cold, harsh landscape littered with dead crows. The air is biting, and the ground is speckled with mud, blood, and ice, setting a bleak and chilling tone. The narrator reflects on the sheer number of fallen birds, emphasizing their lifeless forms frozen in a final confrontation with death. This imagery evokes a powerful sense of loss and the weight of mortality, as the crows, once vibrant and intelligent, now lie motionless across the field.
As the narrator moves through the scene, they notice that the dead crows are arranged deliberately into numbers—32, 57, 82, 154—each figure formed by the bodies of the birds themselves. This arrangement transforms the field into a macabre tableau resembling a child’s math homework, a stark and unsettling contrast between innocence and death. The narrator contemplates the perspective of the live crows above, imagining their view of the scene and questioning whether these arrangements hold any meaning or significance to them.
The chapter delves deeper into the narrator’s emotional response, as they recall Dr. Cornell’s assertion that crows mourn their dead, suggesting a complex awareness and communal grief among the birds. This reflection introduces a poignant consideration of memory and retribution, as the narrator wonders if the crows will remember the humans’ violent actions. The hunt, initially expected to be a straightforward event, instead becomes a moment of moral and emotional reckoning, underscored by the disturbing use of the birds’ bodies as symbols of death.
In the closing thoughts, the narrator reveals a haunting internal association between the dead crows and a more human tragedy—girls trapped in a crawl space—highlighting the perverse nature of the scene. The image of the birds arranged in numbers becomes a grim metaphor for loss and suffering beyond the immediate context, blending the natural and human worlds in a shared experience of mortality. This final reflection leaves the reader with a lingering sense of unease and contemplation about the impact of violence and the ways it is memorialized.
FAQs
1. How does the narrator describe the scene of the dead crows, and what emotional impact does this imagery have on them?
Answer:
The narrator describes the scene as one where their boots are “speckled with mud and blood and ice,” emphasizing the cold and harsh environment. Dead crows are scattered everywhere, arranged deliberately into numbers that represent the count of birds killed—such as 32, 57, 82, and 154—forming a macabre display. The imagery is striking and unsettling, as the birds are “frozen in their final standoff with mortality,” and their lifeless eyes lack the intelligence the narrator usually senses. This arrangement, described as a “parody of death,” profoundly affects the narrator, evoking feelings of discomfort and sorrow. The dead birds, shaped into numbers, symbolize loss in a stark, almost ritualistic way, making the narrator think beyond the hunt itself to deeper themes of life and death.2. What significance does the narrator attribute to the crows’ possible emotional response to the hunt, and how does this reflect on their understanding of the birds?
Answer:
The narrator reflects on the idea that crows might mourn their dead, referencing Dr. Cornell’s assertion that crows do experience mourning. This thought leads the narrator to consider whether the crows will “remember this transgression,” suggesting a belief in the birds’ collective consciousness or emotional depth. The narrator imagines the crows not as individual creatures but as a single being inhabiting many bodies, which deepens their empathy and sense of connection to the birds. This perspective indicates that the narrator sees the crows as intelligent, emotionally complex beings rather than mere animals, which amplifies the moral weight of the hunt and its consequences.3. How does the narrator’s imagination link the dead crows to a more personal or human tragedy, and what might this reveal about their inner state?
Answer:
While observing the dead crows arranged in numbers, the narrator’s mind shifts to a disturbing image of “girls in a crawl space,” which contrasts the physical scene with a personal or human tragedy. This mental connection suggests the narrator is grappling with feelings of vulnerability, loss, or trauma that transcend the immediate context of the crow hunt. The juxtaposition of dead birds and trapped girls may symbolize innocence lost or lives endangered, revealing the narrator’s emotional turmoil and possibly unresolved fears or memories. This linkage underscores how the external scene triggers an internal reflection on suffering and mortality, deepening the chapter’s thematic resonance.4. In what ways does the chapter explore the theme of mortality, and how is this theme conveyed through the narrative details?
Answer:
Mortality is a central theme in the chapter, conveyed vividly through the imagery of dead crows arranged in numerical patterns, symbolizing the finality of death in a stark, almost clinical manner. The narrator’s description of the birds as “frozen in their final standoff with mortality” captures the inevitability and stillness of death. The cold air that “hurts my lungs” and the “mud and blood and ice” on the narrator’s boots further evoke a harsh environment where life is fragile. Additionally, the contemplation of whether crows mourn and remember death adds a philosophical dimension to mortality, suggesting that death affects not only individuals but communities and consciousness. The narrative details collectively create a somber meditation on life’s transience and the impact of death on both the living and the dead.5. How might the narrator’s experience and reflections during the crow hunt influence their perspective or actions going forward?
Answer:
The narrator’s deep emotional response to the crow hunt—marked by discomfort, empathy for the birds, and haunting associations with human suffering—may lead to a heightened awareness of the consequences of violence and death. This experience could prompt them to reconsider their participation in such hunts or to advocate for greater respect toward animals and life in general. Their reflections on the crows’ possible mourning and collective memory suggest a growing sensitivity to interconnectedness and the ethical implications of human actions. Ultimately, the narrator might become more contemplative and cautious, seeking to reconcile the harsh realities they witness with a desire to prevent or mitigate suffering in the future.
Quotes
1. “MY BOOTS ARE SPECKLED WITH MUD and blood and ice. The air is cold enough to hurt my lungs with each breath.”
This opening line sets a stark, visceral tone for the chapter, immediately immersing the reader in a harsh, unforgiving environment. It symbolizes the physical and emotional weight the narrator carries, framing the scene of the crow hunt with a sense of cold brutality and personal impact.
2. “There are dead crows everywhere. Obviously, a crow hunt would lead to dead crows, but it is different with them laid out like this. Frozen in their final standoff with mortality.”
This quote highlights the unsettling visual of the dead crows and introduces the theme of mortality and the unnaturalness of their arrangement. It signals the narrator’s deepening emotional response and the eerie atmosphere surrounding the hunt.
3. “They’ve arranged the birds into the number they killed. The number 32 is shaped from the bodies of thirty-two bird carcasses.”
This passage reveals the disturbing act of shaping dead crows into numbers, which serves as a chilling representation of death quantified and displayed. It underscores a sense of perversion and the human imposition of order over life and death.
4. “Sometimes it feels like the crows aren’t thousands of individual birds but a single being somehow living in a thousand bodies.”
Here, the narrator reflects on the collective consciousness or unity of the crows, introducing a profound and almost mystical insight into animal intelligence and connection. This thought enriches the emotional complexity of the scene and the narrator’s empathy.
5. “I didn’t think the hunt would bother me this much, but it’s their little bodies, shaped into numbers, that gets me. It’s almost perverse. A parody of death.”
This concluding reflection captures the narrator’s conflicted feelings—disturbed by the symbolic cruelty and the grotesque display. It emphasizes the chapter’s central emotional and ethical tension, linking the crow hunt metaphorically to deeper human tragedies.