If These Wings Could Fly
Chapter Ten
by McCauley, KyrieChapter Ten opens with a vivid portrayal of an overwhelming presence of crows in the town of Auburn, their watchful eyes seemingly observing every move of the residents. The narrator describes the birds as both a nuisance to many townsfolk and a strangely comforting constant in their lives. This recurring motif of the crows sets a tone of unease mingled with fascination, reflecting the unsettled atmosphere enveloping the narrator’s world. The chapter immediately establishes a symbolic connection between the birds and the ongoing emotional turmoil experienced by the narrator and their family.
The narrative then shifts to a deeply personal reflection, recounting the impact of the grandfather’s death two years prior. The family’s dynamic, once stabilized by visits to the grandparents’ farmhouse as a refuge from the father’s anger, is now fractured. The grandmother’s decline and the sale of the farmhouse to fund assisted living mark a significant loss of safety and familiarity. The narrator’s plea to move in with the grandmother is met with refusal, causing a rift with their mother and highlighting the growing tension and instability within the family structure.
Visits to the grandmother’s assisted living apartment provide the narrator with moments of warmth and connection amid the broader family struggles. These encounters reveal a tender bond, where conversations flow freely without the barriers present in other relationships. The grandmother’s mix of sharpness and vulnerability offers a glimpse of hope and continuity. Yet, despite these comforting interactions, the narrator senses an underlying sadness and an unspoken acknowledgment that the family’s challenges are far from resolved.
The chapter closes with the narrator’s solitary journey back to Auburn, a town marked by its pride and small population but overshadowed by the omnipresent crows. The sign welcoming visitors contrasts with the narrator’s internal search for reassurance and signs of hope from the past, particularly from the late grandfather. The pervasive presence of the crows symbolizes the persistent difficulties and watchful eyes that dominate the narrator’s life, leaving an impression of unresolved grief and the longing for stability and peace.
FAQs
1. How does the presence of the crows symbolically relate to the narrator’s family situation and emotional state?
Answer:
The crows symbolize an ominous and persistent presence in the narrator’s life, mirroring the ongoing tension and challenges within her family. Their watchful eyes and increasing numbers reflect the constant feeling of being observed and judged, as well as the growing weight of unresolved issues after Grandpa’s death. The crows’ presence during moments of change—such as the loss of Grandpa and Nana’s decline—parallels the narrator’s internal struggle with grief, fear, and uncertainty. The black cloud of crows over Auburn suggests a looming darkness that the narrator cannot easily escape, emphasizing themes of loss, vulnerability, and the difficulty of finding peace amid family turmoil.2. What role does Nana play in the narrator’s life, and how does their relationship evolve after Grandpa’s death?
Answer:
Nana serves as a source of comfort, understanding, and stability for the narrator, especially after Grandpa’s passing. While Grandpa’s death disrupts the family’s equilibrium, Nana becomes a closer confidante with whom the narrator can speak openly, without the need for guardedness that exists with her mother due to her father’s anger. Their visits, though limited, provide warmth and a safe space where the narrator feels heard and supported. Nana’s prayers and hope for the family’s safety underscore her role as a spiritual and emotional anchor. This evolving relationship highlights the narrator’s need for connection and reassurance during a difficult transition.3. How does the narrator’s description of her father’s anger and her mother’s response help us understand the family dynamics?
Answer:
The narrator’s depiction of her father’s anger as cyclical—rage, apologies, peace, then buildup again—reveals a tense and unstable home environment. Her mother’s role is portrayed as protective and intuitive, often preemptively removing the children from the volatile situation by taking them to their grandparents’ home. This dynamic shows a family struggling with emotional turmoil and attempts at damage control. The fact that the narrator and her mother do not speak for a month after she asks to leave her father indicates deep conflict and unresolved issues. These details provide insight into the fractured family relationships and the emotional challenges the narrator faces.4. What does the narrator’s secret visits to Nana’s apartment reveal about her needs and feelings toward her family situation?
Answer:
The narrator’s secret visits indicate a strong desire for connection, stability, and emotional refuge that she does not fully receive at home. By sneaking away from school and her mother’s knowledge, she shows both initiative and a sense of isolation—seeking comfort on her own terms. The visits allow her to maintain a bond with Nana and experience moments of normalcy and warmth amid family difficulties. These actions also suggest feelings of helplessness and frustration, as she wishes to care for Nana and change the situation but is constrained by her mother’s decisions. This behavior highlights the narrator’s resilience and longing for safety.5. In what ways does the chapter explore the theme of coping with loss and uncertainty?
Answer:
The chapter explores coping with loss through the narrator’s reflections on Grandpa’s death and the subsequent changes in her family’s life, such as Nana’s decline and the sale of the farmhouse. The emotional impact is conveyed through the narrator’s longing for the safety and peace once felt at her grandparents’ home, contrasted with the current instability. The motif of looking for messages from Grandpa symbolizes the search for guidance and hope amid grief. The crows’ persistent presence represents the inescapable nature of loss and the uncertainty it brings. The narrator’s relationship with Nana, her secret visits, and the quiet understanding they share illustrate different ways individuals seek comfort and meaning during difficult times.
Quotes
1. “THE CROWS DON’T STOP COMING. I feel their shining eyes watching us wherever we go. And every day, the eyes multiply by two and two and two, until the twos form thousands. They perch on fences. They cling to trees. They watch from rain gutters and church steeples and broken weather vanes spinning on barns.”
This opening passage sets a haunting tone for the chapter, symbolizing an overwhelming, persistent presence—both literal and metaphorical—that watches and weighs on the narrator’s life. It introduces the motif of the crows as a representation of unrest and attention within the community and family.
2. “We used to stay with my grandparents all the time. Their old farmhouse was our second home, our safe retreat from my father’s anger. It always worked in a cycle—the rage, the apologies, a few weeks or sometimes just days of peace, and then the buildup would begin again.”
This quote reveals the family dynamics central to the narrator’s experience, highlighting the grandparents’ home as a sanctuary amid domestic volatility. It underscores the recurring tension and instability that shape the narrator’s childhood and emotional landscape.
3. “But then two years ago a heart attack wrecked that carefully orchestrated balance. Grandpa was gone, and Nana slipped fast. Without Grandpa there filling in the gaps, we realized that Nana wasn’t doing very well on her own.”
Here the narrative reaches a turning point, marking the loss of a stabilizing figure and the unraveling of the family’s fragile equilibrium. This moment introduces themes of grief, change, and the challenge of coping with loss.
4. “There’s a softness in our understanding of things at home and my parents. I don’t have to be guarded in how I speak. It’s how I imagine talking to Mom would feel if we didn’t have my father like a wedge between us, making us dance around the most crucial thing, the thing we can’t talk about.”
This passage poignantly captures the emotional barriers within the family and contrasts the safety found with Nana against the guardedness required at home. It expresses the difficulty of communication and the impact of familial conflict on relationships.
5. “I keep looking for a message from Grandpa, some hint of that feeling I always got when I stepped into their home. That things would be okay. But when I get off the bus and look around Auburn, there’s nothing but crows.”
The chapter closes on a note of yearning and uncertainty, emphasizing the narrator’s search for reassurance and stability after loss. The persistent image of the crows symbolizes ongoing unease, suggesting that the peace once felt may remain elusive.