If These Wings Could Fly
Chapter Forty-Five
by McCauley, KyrieThe chapter opens with poignant memories of childhood pain, illustrating the narrator’s early experiences of physical and emotional hurt. From stepping on scrap metal at age four to enduring a fever at seven and grappling with the overwhelming emotions of puberty at eleven, these instances set the stage for understanding pain as both a physical and psychological experience. The recurring question, “Where does it hurt?” reveals a deep concern and an attempt to locate and comprehend suffering, framing the narrative’s exploration of trauma and vulnerability.
As the focus shifts to the present, the narrator confronts a reversal of roles: it is now the mother who is hurt, physically and emotionally. The mother’s pain is palpable, expressed through her withdrawn posture and silent tears that fall unnoticed. The surrounding environment, marked by the cawing of crows, adds a haunting, almost ritualistic atmosphere to her suffering. This imagery underscores the depth of her despair and the isolation she feels, contrasting with the narrator’s desire to provide comfort and reassurance.
The mother’s anguish is revealed to be rooted not only in physical abuse but in the emotional aftermath of abandonment. The chapter exposes the harrowing reality of domestic violence, recounting the mother’s experiences of verbal and physical torment inflicted by a violent partner. Her pain is compounded by his departure, which leaves her devastated and longing for his return despite the harm he caused. This complex interplay of fear, love, and loss highlights the enduring impact of trauma on both victim and family.
In the closing reflection, the narrator internalizes the question, recognizing that pain is pervasive and multifaceted. The final admission, “Everywhere,” captures the all-encompassing nature of suffering that transcends physical wounds to include emotional and psychological scars. This chapter poignantly portrays the cyclical nature of pain within a family affected by abuse, emphasizing the profound and lasting wounds borne by both mother and child.
FAQs
1. How does the narrator use past experiences of physical pain to frame the current emotional pain experienced by their mother?
Answer:
The narrator recalls specific childhood injuries—stepping on scrap metal at age four, waking with a fever at seven, and the distress of getting a first period at eleven—to establish a pattern of physical pain that was once the focus of concern. These memories contrast sharply with the present situation where the mother’s pain is emotional and psychological rather than physical. This framing deepens the reader’s understanding of the mother’s suffering, emphasizing that her pain is not visible or localized but pervasive (“Everywhere”). The juxtaposition highlights the shift from tangible wounds to the intangible wounds of abandonment and emotional trauma.2. What does the mother’s response to the question “Where does it hurt?” reveal about her emotional state and the nature of her pain?
Answer:
The mother’s answer, “Everywhere,” and her physical posture—hunched over, curled in on herself, crying with tears that don’t touch her cheeks—illustrate profound emotional devastation and confusion. Her pain is all-encompassing, not confined to a single place, reflecting inner turmoil and heartbreak. The repeated whispering of “He’s gone” reveals that her suffering stems from loss and abandonment rather than physical injury. This response portrays emotional pain as equally, if not more, debilitating than physical pain, underscoring themes of trauma and grief in the chapter.3. Analyze the significance of the crows’ cawing in the scene. How does this imagery contribute to the mood and themes of the chapter?
Answer:
The crows’ cawing, described as a chant from various perches around the house, introduces an eerie and somber auditory backdrop that echoes the mother’s distress. Crows are often symbolic of death, loss, or ominous events, reinforcing the themes of absence and grief. Their persistent cawing mimics the mother’s repetitive whispering of “He’s gone,” creating a haunting atmosphere that amplifies the emotional weight of the scene. This imagery deepens the mood of despair and helplessness, suggesting that the pain is not only personal but also permeates the environment around them.4. How does the chapter explore the complexity of abuse and its aftermath through the mother’s experience?
Answer:
The chapter reveals that the mother’s pain is rooted in a history of abuse—verbal, emotional, and physical—highlighted by references to her partner’s threatening behavior, including holding a knife to her throat and demeaning her. Despite this, her pain is paradoxically tied to his absence rather than his presence, illustrating the complicated emotional bonds victims can have with their abusers. The mother’s longing for him to return, even after enduring harm, reflects the trauma of attachment in abusive relationships. This complexity deepens the narrative’s exploration of abuse’s lingering psychological scars and the difficulty of healing after separation.5. Reflecting on the narrator’s question, “Where does it hurt?” at the end of the chapter, what does this reveal about the shared nature of pain within families affected by trauma?
Answer:
The narrator’s internal question, “Where does it hurt?” followed by the answer “Everywhere,” indicates a profound empathy and recognition that pain is not isolated to one individual but shared among family members. The mother’s suffering affects the narrator deeply, suggesting that trauma reverberates through relationships and can manifest in emotional pain for others. This shared pain underscores the chapter’s theme of collective hurt and the interconnectedness of familial experiences, emphasizing that healing may require acknowledging and addressing the emotional wounds of all involved.
Quotes
1. “WHERE DOES IT HURT? MOM WOULD ASK.”
This opening line introduces the recurring question of pain and suffering, setting a reflective tone that connects past childhood injuries with present emotional wounds, framing the chapter’s exploration of hurt.
2. “She is hunched over, curled in upon herself, facing the kitchen floor. Her tears don’t even touch her cheeks: they fall straight from her eyes, into air, onto the linoleum.”
This vivid imagery captures the depth of the mother’s despair and physical withdrawal, emphasizing her profound emotional pain and vulnerability in the moment.
3. “He’s gone. He’s gone. Why is he gone?”
This repeated whisper reveals the mother’s confusion and grief, shifting the source of her pain from physical abuse to abandonment, marking a pivotal emotional turning point in the narrative.
4. “She hurts because he left. She hurts because she wants him to come back.”
These sentences distill the core paradox of the mother’s suffering: her pain is rooted not only in the trauma inflicted but also in the complex longing for someone who caused that trauma, highlighting the complexity of emotional wounds.
5. “‘Where does it hurt?’ I ask myself this time. Everywhere.”
The closing reflection broadens the personal inquiry into pain, showing that hurt is pervasive and multifaceted, and ties the chapter’s themes of physical and emotional suffering into a universal, resonant conclusion.