Chapter 179 of All the Colors of the Dark opens with Saint’s journey along the Long Island Expressway, where she feels a mix of nostalgia and anxiety that hangs over her like a heavy fog. The warmth of her rental car’s heater offers a drowsy comfort as she navigates through the traffic congestion around the Queens–Midtown Tunnel. The cityscape gradually gives way to the more expansive spaces of Nassau County and Suffolk, where the landscape shifts from dull grays to vibrant greens. This change in scenery heightens the sense of trepidation in her stomach, a stark contrast to the emotional weight she carries from the past. Each mile she travels brings her closer to a destination filled with memories and unresolved emotions, and the unease grows as she contemplates the significance of the journey ahead.

As she continues her drive, the sound of Patch’s voice on the stereo echoes in her mind, connecting her to the past and stirring emotions that she hasn’t fully processed. Saint realizes that the only way to move forward is to hear Grace’s voice once more, hoping it will offer clarity and guide her toward closure. But her thoughts are filled with an unsettling reflection: “Maybe one day I’ll be the first to see him after the Resurrection. And if I’m chosen, he’ll send me back to the three persons. And they’ll hollow me out. Watch my blood flow over black rock like I never even was.” This chilling and cryptic thought intensifies the emotional complexity of the journey, blending spiritual musings with the deeper turmoil that Saint feels within. The dark undercurrents of her past weigh heavily on her, and she wonders if this journey will offer more than just answers; perhaps it will force her to face a reality that she’s long avoided.

Saint’s drive through the quiet small towns and coastal communities emphasizes the contrast between the external calm and her internal restlessness. The once vibrant summer towns now seem barren and lifeless, stripped of their energy by the cold winds of winter, mirroring her own sense of emptiness. Arriving in Black Rock, she parks far from the church, her collar pulled tight against the biting air. The town, in its offseason quietude, feels deserted, with many homes closed off to the cold. As she approaches St. Mary Magdalene’s church on Trinity Road, she feels the weight of its significance press down on her. It’s not just a building she’s walking toward—it’s a place tied to her past, and to the unresolved questions that have haunted her for so long. For a moment, she stands there, looking at the church, feeling the pull of both her past and the unknown future.

The chapter continues to highlight the emotional landscape of Saint’s journey. It’s clear that the drive is not just a literal movement from one place to another, but a deeply introspective journey filled with past reflections and personal reckonings. As she walks toward the church, she’s caught in the tension between the person she was and the person she hopes to become. The quiet surroundings of Black Rock—empty and seemingly frozen in time—contrast with the turmoil inside her. This setting serves as the perfect backdrop for her reflections, as Saint grapples with the ghosts of her past, particularly her connection with Grace, and tries to make peace with the haunting memories that have defined her life. The contrasting elements of nostalgia and discomfort build an atmosphere of melancholic reflection, drawing the reader deeper into Saint’s emotional conflict. The journey ahead is uncertain, but the weight of the past looms large, shaping the path she must walk to find closure.