If These Wings Could Fly
Chapter Eight
by McCauley, KyrieThe chapter opens with the narrator in her room, struggling to focus on her calculus homework amid the rising tension downstairs. The atmosphere in the house is heavy and foreboding, as a volatile argument begins to unfold between her parents. The narrator describes a complex mix of fear and curiosity that compels her to listen closely, knowing that once the confrontation starts, it will eventually end, bringing a temporary but uneasy relief. This emotional turmoil is underscored by vivid imagery of her surroundings and the mounting dread she feels.
As the conflict escalates, the narrator observes her father outside, dealing with a truck covered in crow droppings—a symbol of neglect and decay that mirrors the family’s struggles. Despite his pride in the family construction business, financial hardship and unfulfilled dreams weigh heavily on him. The father’s frustration spills over as he angrily throws trash bags into a tree, an act that exposes the family’s turmoil to the neighborhood. This scene highlights the father’s internal conflict, shaped by past disappointments and present failures.
The narrator’s interaction with a crow named Joe offers a brief moment of connection amid the chaos. She taps on the window, seeking comfort and perhaps understanding, but the fragile glass cracks, symbolizing the fragile state of her world. Despite the crack disappearing mysteriously, the narrator’s longing to see it again reflects her desire to confront and process the pain she experiences. This moment provides a poignant contrast to the harsh realities unfolding within the home.
The chapter culminates in a violent outburst as the father shatters dishes in the kitchen, escalating the tension and fear within the household. The mother tries to maintain calm, but his rage intensifies, leading to a physical confrontation. The narrator’s plea for him to stop reveals her desperation and the deep impact of the domestic violence on the family. This intense scene captures the destructive cycle of anger and fear that dominates their lives, leaving the reader with a powerful impression of the family’s fragile and volatile existence.
FAQs
1. How does the narrator describe the atmosphere in the house before the conflict begins, and what does this reveal about their emotional state?
Answer:
The narrator describes the house as feeling “somber and soft as a graveyard,” emphasizing a heavy, oppressive atmosphere filled with dread. They mention a “ball of lead” in their stomach and the sensation of nerves being “tugged line by line” and replaced with “hot white electric wires,” indicating intense anxiety and fear. This vivid imagery reveals that the narrator is emotionally tense, bracing for an inevitable eruption of conflict, which they have been anticipating all week. The quiet before the storm weighs heavily on them, showing how deeply the domestic tension affects their mental state.2. Analyze the symbolism of the crow-covered truck and the garbage bags in the yard. What do these elements suggest about the family’s situation and dynamics?
Answer:
The crow-covered truck and garbage bags symbolize neglect, decay, and the family’s deteriorating condition. The truck, once a symbol of pride and a family business legacy, is now “covered from headlight to bumper in crow shit,” reflecting how the father’s dignity and the family’s stability have been sullied. The trash bags thrown into the tree like “special Christmas ornaments” further symbolize disorder and chaos in the household, as well as the father’s loss of control and escalating anger. These images collectively suggest a family struggling with failure, poverty, and emotional turmoil, with the father’s rage manifesting in destructive outbursts.3. What role does the character Joe, the crow, play in the narrator’s experience, and how does the interaction with Joe deepen the narrative?
Answer:
Joe, the crow, serves as a silent observer and a subtle companion to the narrator. The narrator’s soft taps and whispered questions to Joe (“Why do you watch us?” “Can you help us?”) express a desire for connection and understanding amidst isolation and family conflict. Joe’s presence adds a layer of magical realism or symbolic meaning, representing perhaps the narrator’s need for an ally or a witness to their suffering. The interaction with Joe deepens the narrative by highlighting the narrator’s loneliness and yearning for escape or assistance, while also contrasting the chaotic human world with the calm, watchful nature of the crow.4. Discuss the significance of the broken glass incident in the kitchen. How does this event escalate the tension and what does it reveal about the father’s character?
Answer:
The broken glass incident marks a turning point, escalating the tension from simmering anger to overt violence. The father’s reaction to the broken glass is disproportionate—he calls it “a fucking mess” and deliberately shatters more glasses, spreading shards across the floor. This behavior reveals his volatile and destructive nature, his inability to control his rage, and his tendency to punish others for minor accidents. The father’s aggression toward the mother, culminating in grabbing her arm, underscores the abusive dynamic in the household and heightens the reader’s awareness of the danger and instability faced by the family members.5. How might the narrator’s internal conflict about wanting the argument to start, so it can end, be understood in terms of coping with domestic violence?
Answer:
The narrator’s conflicted wish for the argument to begin reflects a complex coping mechanism common among those living with domestic violence. The anticipation of conflict causes intense anxiety, but paradoxically, the narrator feels safer once the argument starts because it signals a period of emotional release and a temporary end to the unbearable tension. This desire to “make it start” to reach the “few hours of grace” afterward highlights the debilitating uncertainty and fear that dominate their daily life. Understanding this internal conflict reveals how victims may become desensitized or develop paradoxical attachments to cycles of abuse as a way to manage trauma and unpredictability.
Quotes
1. “I know why people open doors and check darkened basements in horror films. Why they look for the monster. It’s because sometimes it’s the anticipation that hurts the most. So much that I want to do some awful, stupid thing to piss him off and just make it start, because if it starts, then it can end.”
This quote poignantly captures the intense anxiety and dread that precede the father’s outbursts, illustrating the psychological torment of living under the threat of violence. It conveys the paradoxical desire to trigger the conflict so that the unbearable tension of anticipation might finally release, marking a key emotional insight early in the chapter.
2. “The sign implies that he wanted his father’s business, but that isn’t true. My father wanted to leave Auburn, to go play football at state college. He had a full scholarship. He dreamed of going pro. And perhaps he could have done all of that if he hadn’t messed up his knee in his second-to-last game senior year.”
This passage reveals the father’s crushed dreams and underlying personal failures, providing critical background that adds depth to his character and motivations. It helps explain the source of his bitterness and frustration, which is central to understanding the family dynamics portrayed in the chapter.
3. “Right now, it is not a beautiful truck by anyone’s standard. It is covered from headlight to bumper in crow shit. I want to find it funny, but I know who will face the consequences for this act of defiance, and it isn’t the birds.”
This vivid image symbolizes the family’s deteriorating situation and the father’s fragile pride, while also hinting at the looming consequences for the family. The truck’s filthy state serves as a metaphor for their hardship and the father’s volatile response to perceived disrespect.
4. “The silver lines hit the pane. I press my finger to the line and follow it up. Sssht. I hiss a sharp intake of breath and shove my cut finger into my mouth. I taste the metal in my blood and the salt on my skin. When I look up, I can’t find the crack in the glass… It’s gone. Or fixed, I guess. Just like the wall downstairs.”
This moment carries a subtle yet powerful symbolism of damage and repair, both physical and emotional. The disappearing crack suggests a fragile hope or denial within the household, reflecting the complex interplay between visible wounds and hidden pain.
5. ““Just broken glass?” It’s everywhere. So I guess we’ll just step on glass every time we have to use the sink. I guess this doesn’t matter, either.” He reaches into the sink for another glass and throws it to the floor next to Mom. It shatters into crystals that reflect the light in a million directions.”
This intense scene marks a critical escalation, illustrating the father’s destructive rage and the emotional violence inflicted upon the family. The shattered glass metaphorically reflects the fractured family and the scattered shards of safety and normalcy.