The Woman in Me (Britney Spears)
Chapter 11
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11
There was hardly any time to rehearse. I only had a week to get ready. I was
performing at the 2001 Super Bowl halftime show alongside Aerosmith, Mary J.
Blige, Nelly, and NSYNC. Justin and the rest of his band had special gloves that
shot fountains of sparks! I sang “Walk This Way” wearing a sexy version of a
football uniform, with shiny silver pants, a crop shirt, and an athletic sock on
one of my arms. I was brought to Steven Tyler’s trailer to meet him right before
the show, and his energy was incredible: he was such an idol to me. When we
nished, the stadium lit up with reworks.
The halftime show was just one of the seemingly endless good things
happening for me. I landed the “most powerful woman” spot on the Forbes list
of most powerful celebrities—the following year I’d be number one overall. I
learned that tabloids were making so much money o photos of me, I was
almost single-handedly keeping some magazines in business. And I was starting
to get amazing o ers.
At the 2001 MTV Video Music Awards that September, the plan was for me
to sing “I’m a Slave 4 U,” and we decided I would use a snake as a prop. It’s
become an iconic moment in VMAs history, but it was even more terrifying
than it appeared.
The rst time I saw the snake was when they brought it to a little back room
of the Metropolitan Opera House in Manhattan, where we would be doing the
show. The girl who handed it over was even smaller than me—she looked so
young, and she was very tiny, with blond hair. I couldn’t believe they didn’t have
some big guy in charge—I remember thinking, You’re letting us two little
munchkins handle this huge snake…?
But there we were, and there was no going back: she lifted up the snake and
put it over my head and around me. To be honest, I was a little scared—that
snake was a huge animal, yellow and white, crinkly, gross-looking. It was okay
because the girl who gave it to me was right there, plus a snake handler and a
bunch of other people.
Everything changed, though, when I actually had to do the song onstage with
the snake. Onstage I’m in performance mode: I’m in a costume, and there’s
nobody else there but me. Once again the little munchkin came to me and
handed me that huge snake, and all I knew was to look down, because I felt if I
looked up and caught its eye, it would kill me.
In my head I was saying, Just perform, just use your legs and perform. But
what nobody knows is that as I was singing, the snake brought its head right
around to my face, right up to me, and started hissing at me. You didn’t see that
shot on the TV, but in real life? I was thinking, Are you fucking serious right now?
The fucking goddamn snake’s tongue is flicking out at me. Right. Now. Finally, I
got to the part where I handed it back, thank God.
The next night at Madison Square Garden in New York City, just days before
September 11, I performed a duet of “The Way You Make Me Feel” with
Michael Jackson to celebrate the thirtieth anniversary of his solo career. In my
heels, I prowled all over that stage. The audience went crazy. At one point it felt
like the whole crowd of twenty thousand was singing along with us.
Pepsi hired me to do commercials for them. In “The Joy of Pepsi,” I started
out as a delivery driver and then wound up in a huge dance number. In “Now
and Then,” I got to wear cute out ts from various eras. For the eighties section, I
got made up as Robert Palmer for a version of “Simply Irresistible.” I was in hair
and makeup for four hours, and they still didn’t quite manage to make me
convincing as a man. But in the fties part, I loved dancing at the drive-in. I had
Betty Boop hair. Working in all those di erent genres, I was amazed at how
intelligently done those commercials were.
The rst movie I did was Crossroads, written by Shonda Rhimes and directed by
Tamra Davis. We had lmed it in March 2001, around the same time I was
recording the album Britney. In the lm, I was playing a “good girl” named Lucy
Wagner. The experience wasn’t easy for me. My problem wasn’t with anyone
involved in the production but with what acting did to my mind. I think I
started Method acting—only I didn’t know how to break out of my character. I
really became this other person. Some people do Method acting, but they’re
usually aware of the fact that they’re doing it. But I didn’t have any separation at
all.
This is embarrassing to say, but it’s like a cloud or something came over me
and I just became this girl named Lucy. When the camera came on, I was her,
and then I couldn’t tell the di erence between when the camera was on and
when it wasn’t. I know that seems stupid, but it’s the truth. I took it that
seriously. I took it seriously to the point where Justin said, “Why are you walking
like that? Who are you?”
All I can say is it’s a good thing Lucy was a sweet girl writing poems about
how she was “not a girl, not yet a woman,” and not a serial killer.
I ended up walking di erently, carrying myself di erently, talking di erently.
I was someone else for months while I lmed Crossroads. Still to this day, I bet
the girls I shot that movie with think, She’s a little… quirky. If they thought that,
they were right.
I was a baby, just like the character. I should’ve played myself on camera. But
I was so eager to do a good job that I kept trying to go deep with this character. I
had been me my whole life, and I wanted to try something di erent! I should
have said to myself, It’s a teen road movie. It’s not that deep. Honestly, just have a
good time.
After the movie wrapped, one of my girlfriends from a club in LA came to
visit me. We went to CVS. I swear to God, I walked into the store, and as I talked
to her while we shopped, I nally came back to myself. When I came outside
again I was cured of the spell that movie had cast. It was so strange. My little
spirit showed back up in my body. That trip to buy makeup with a friend was
like waving some magic wand.
Then I was pissed.
I thought, Oh my God, what have I been doing the past few months? Who was
I?
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