Chap­ter I begins in the qui­et after­math of a rainy night in New York City, Sep­tem­ber 5, 2014. The young man wakes up alone, the echoes of an unset­tling dream still cling­ing to his mind. The world out­side his win­dow is bathed in the bright Sep­tem­ber sun­light, a stark con­trast to the emo­tion­al storm he’s weath­er­ing inter­nal­ly. Addie, the woman he loves, is missing—not just from the bed they once shared but from his life entire­ly. The apart­ment, once a haven of shared moments and sub­tle mem­o­ries, now feels cold and emp­ty. It echoes with an eerie silence, a stark reminder of the absence that has replaced the warmth of her pres­ence. His every move­ment through the apart­ment is marked by the void she has left behind, each step under­scor­ing the lone­li­ness that has tak­en her place.

His mind races as he stum­bles through the rooms, call­ing out for her, hop­ing for a response that might nev­er come. The bed­room, once filled with the inti­ma­cy of shared morn­ings, now feels for­eign. The kitchen, where they once cooked togeth­er and shared qui­et con­ver­sa­tions, is emp­ty, devoid of the famil­iar rhythm of their rou­tines. Even the fire escape, a place that had been theirs alone, is now just anoth­er cor­ner of empti­ness. As he search­es through their shared spaces, the harsh real­i­ty set­tles over him—her dis­ap­pear­ance is not just phys­i­cal; it is the sev­er­ing of the very con­nec­tion that had bound their lives togeth­er. The night before wasn’t sim­ply a good­bye, it was the end of some­thing irre­place­able. Mem­o­ries flood his mind—of a promise made on the rooftop, sur­round­ed by the qui­et hum of the city below. That moment had felt sig­nif­i­cant, a promise forged in the inti­ma­cy of the night. But now, it is a painful reminder of what has been lost.

In a des­per­ate search for some­thing that can prove Addie’s exis­tence was not a fig­ment of his imag­i­na­tion, he reach­es for the jour­nals. These jour­nals, filled with his words, are the only tan­gi­ble proof he has left of their time togeth­er. Each page offers a glimpse into their shared expe­ri­ences, a mosa­ic of mem­o­ries that he has care­ful­ly curat­ed over time. His words are the only thing that remain—each sen­tence, a tes­ta­ment to the love they once had. They are not just records of events but a life­line, a way to pre­serve the essence of a woman whose impact on his life can­not be eas­i­ly erased. As he flips through the jour­nals, he finds him­self cling­ing to the hope that these pages will some­how keep her alive, if only in his mem­o­ries.

Among the pages of the jour­nals, he comes across a Polaroid—a fleet­ing image of Addie, cap­tured in time. The pho­to shows her in a moment that is as ephemer­al as the love they shared, her image blur­ry and intan­gi­ble. She looks like a ghost, a reminder of her imper­ma­nence, a sym­bol of the fleet­ing nature of their con­nec­tion. It is a heart-wrench­ing reminder that no mat­ter how hard he tries to hold on, some things can­not be pre­served. The image blurs even fur­ther as he strug­gles with the under­stand­ing that no mat­ter how much he clings to the past, time moves for­ward, and peo­ple change. This moment in the pho­to, frozen in time, is the last tan­gi­ble link to the woman he once knew.

With trep­i­da­tion, he con­tin­ues to read through the jour­nals, half-expect­ing the pages to be blank, as though Addie’s dis­ap­pear­ance has some­how erased every­thing she once was. But to his sur­prise, the ink still holds strong. The pages are filled with his words, chron­i­cling the love they shared, the dreams they had, and the fears they faced togeth­er. Addie’s pres­ence still lingers in the sen­tences, as vivid as ever. As he reads, he con­fronts the real­i­ty that although she is no longer phys­i­cal­ly with him, her essence con­tin­ues to exist with­in the pages of his writ­ing. Each entry brings her back to life, allow­ing him to relive moments that now feel dis­tant and unreach­able. The jour­nals are more than just a recount­ing of events; they are a trib­ute to a woman who sought to leave her mark on the world, whose dreams and desires were once shared with him.

As he moves through the pages, he is remind­ed of the para­dox that lies at the heart of their rela­tion­ship. Though Addie is gone, her spir­it per­sists in the words he has writ­ten, liv­ing on through the sto­ries he has pre­served. This real­iza­tion is both com­fort­ing and painful, as it offers a way to keep her alive even as the world moves on. The jour­nals become both a source of solace and a painful reminder of the love that can nev­er be ful­ly real­ized in the phys­i­cal world. In this way, the young man finds him­self caught between the desire to pre­serve her mem­o­ry and the unavoid­able truth that time, and loss, will always have the final word. Yet, through these pages, he hopes to find a way to keep her spir­it alive, even if only in the qui­et moments of reflec­tion and remem­brance.

This chap­ter explores the deep themes of love, loss, and the pas­sage of time. It delves into the emo­tion­al com­plex­i­ty of hold­ing on to mem­o­ries while fac­ing the painful real­i­ty that some things can­not be pre­served. The act of writ­ing becomes both an escape and a way to hold on to what is most pre­cious, and in doing so, it rais­es the ques­tion of what it means to tru­ly keep some­one alive. Even in their absence, the impact of those we love can con­tin­ue to res­onate, echo­ing through the words we write and the mem­o­ries we cher­ish. It’s a poignant reminder that while peo­ple may fade from our lives, the sto­ries we tell and the emo­tions we hold onto can con­tin­ue to shape our exis­tence long after they are gone.