Chapter 30 delves into the protagonist’s return to her familial home, a journey marked by a mix of disdain, relief, and complex revelations. Initially greeted with the villagers’ curious and somewhat envious glances, she resolutely ignores them, preserving her privacy from prying eyes and gossip. Her mission involves distributing wealth among the village’s less fortunate—an act of quiet benevolence distinguishing her from the curiosity and sometimes malicious intentions of her wealthier neighbors.
The encounter with Tomas Mandray and his associates near the village fountain highlights a contrast in values and intentions, further emphasizing her alienation from the villagers’ mundane cruelties and preoccupations. The brief, awkward reunion with Isaac Hale and his wife reveals the passage of time and the transformations it has brought upon everyone—Isaac from boy to man, marked by love and domestic bliss, contrasted starkly with the protagonist’s solitary struggles and personal growth.
The narrative weaves through the protagonist’s internal contemplation as she assists in the garden of her father’s manor, a symbolic gesture towards normalcy and healing in the familiar yet changed domestic space. Her sister Nesta’s return and their interaction reveals the enduring impact of the protagonist’s absence on family dynamics—a mixture of resentment, misunderstanding, and a deeply buried, yet potent, bond of love and solidarity. Nesta’s cold courage and unwavering resolve unveil the depth of her affection and her fierce independent spirit, challenging the protagonist’s perception of her and their relationship.
Nesta’s revelation about the failed glamour, intended to mask the protagonist’s abduction, and her own efforts to rescue her, albeit futile, unravel layers of familial loyalty and untold sacrifices. This newfound understanding prompts a heartfelt exchange between the sisters, mending silences and misunderstandings with the honest, raw narrative of the protagonist’s trials and tribulations.
As preparations for an extravagant ball thrown in the protagonist’s honor stir the manor into a frenzy of activity, she and Nesta seek refuge in the serene solitude of painting, an act of shared creativity and symbolic reconciliation. The narrative closes on a reflective note, as the sisters confront the complex tapestry of their familial relations and individual journeys, bridging gaps with newfound understanding and a cautious optimism for repaired bonds.
The chapter encapsulates a pivotal moment of reconnection, self-reflection, and transitions, as characters navigate the tormented waters of their past interactions towards a semblance of reconciliation and mutual recognition, underlined by the protagonist’s ongoing struggle to find her place within a world that has irrevocably changed.
In the thirtieth chapter, the absence of Cecelia casts a notable silence over the Winchester household, contrasting with Nina’s unexpected cheerfulness. The protagonist, Millie, is navigating a tense avoidance with Andrew following an undisclosed event that has strained their interaction. While preparing dinner, an accidental collision with Andrew, marked by the breaking of a glass, triggers a moment of intimate tension quickly interrupted by Nina’s entrance.
The incident not only highlights the existing chemistry between Millie and Andrew but also underlines the stark differences in their social positions within the household. Nina’s later revelation of Millie’s past imprisonment during dinner, framed as a casual inquiry, serves both to assert her dominance and to publicly mark Millie’s social standing, effectively undermining any connection between Millie and Andrew in the process.
Nina’s deliberate mention of Millie’s incarceration not only reveals her knowledge of Millie’s past but also her intent to maintain control and reinforce Millie’s marginal status. This confrontation leads Millie to a moment of introspection, questioning the length of Nina’s awareness of her past and the motive behind her own employment. The discovery of a playbill from a show she attended with Andrew, which she had kept as a personal memento, now placed on her nightstand, hints at a breach of privacy and suggests Nina’s manipulative surveillance to leverage information against her.
The chapter delves into themes of power dynamics, the lingering impact of past mistakes on present identity, and the complexity of human emotions in a structured social setting. Millie’s internal conflict, coupled with her recognition of the hurdles her history poses to any future aspirations, particularly with Andrew, underscores a narrative of resilience against judgment and manipulation.
You are being provided with a book chapter by chapter. I will request you to read the book for me after each chapter. After reading the chapter, 1. shorten the chapter to no less than 300 words and no more than 400 words. 2. Do not change the name, address, or any important nouns in the chapter. 3. Do not translate the original language. 4. Keep the same style as the original chapter, keep it consistent throughout the chapter. Your reply must comply with all four requirements, or it’s invalid.
I will provide the chapter now.
CHAPTER
30
Cassian might have been cocky grins and vulgarity most of the time, but in
the sparring ring in a rock-carved courtyard atop the House of Wind the
next afternoon, he was a stone-cold killer.
And when those lethal instincts were turned on me …
Beneath the fighting leathers, even with the brisk temperature, my skin
was slick with sweat. Each breath ravaged my throat, and my arms trembled
so badly that any time I so much as tried to use my fingers, my pinkie
would start shaking uncontrollably.
I was watching it wobble of its own accord when Cassian closed the gap
between us, gripped my hand, and said, “This is because you’re hitting on
the wrong knuckles. Top two—pointer and middle finger—that’s where the
punches should connect. Hitting here,” he said, tapping a callused finger on
the already-bruised bit of skin in the vee between my pinkie and ring finger,
“will do more damage to you than to your opponent. You’re lucky the Attor
didn’t want to get into a fistfight.”
We’d been going at it for an hour now, walking through the basic steps of
hand-to-hand combat. And it turned out that I might have been good at
hunting, at archery, but using my left side? Pathetic. I was as uncoordinated
as a newborn fawn attempting to walk. Punching and stepping with the left
side of my body at once had been nearly impossible, and I’d stumbled into
Cassian more often than I’d hit him. The right punches—those were easy.
“Get a drink,” he said. “Then we’re working on your core. No point in
learning to punch if you can’t even hold your stance.”
I frowned toward the sound of clashing blades in the open sparring ring
across from us.
Azriel, surprisingly, had returned from the mortal realm by lunch. Mor
had intercepted him first, but I’d gotten a secondhand report from Rhys that
he’d found some sort of barrier around the queens’ palace, and had needed
to return to assess what might be done about it.
Assess—and brood, it seemed, since Azriel had barely managed a polite
hello to me before launching into sparring with Rhysand, his face grim and
tight. They’d been at it now for an hour straight, their slender blades like
flashes of quicksilver as they moved around and around. I wondered if it
was as much for practice as it was for Rhys to help his spymaster work off
his frustration.
At some point since I’d last looked, despite the sunny winter day, they’d
removed their leather jackets and shirts.
Their tan, muscled arms were both covered in the same manner of tattoos
that adorned my own hand and forearm, the ink flowing across their
shoulders and over their sculpted pectoral muscles. Between their wings, a
line of them ran down the column of their spine, right beneath where they
typically strapped their blades.
“We get the tattoos when we’re initiated as Illyrian warriors—for luck
and glory on the battlefield,” Cassian said, following my stare. I doubted
Cassian was drinking in the rest of the image, though: the stomach muscles
gleaming with sweat in the bright sun, the bunching of their powerful
thighs, the rippling strength in their backs, surrounding those mighty,
beautiful wings.
Death on swift wings.
The title came out of nowhere, and for a moment, I saw the painting I’d
create: the darkness of those wings, faintly illuminated with lines of red and
gold by the radiant winter sun, the glare off their blades, the harshness of
the tattoos against the beauty of their faces—
I blinked, and the image was gone, like a cloud of hot breath on a cold
night.
Cassian jerked his chin toward his brothers. “Rhys is out of shape and
won’t admit it, but Azriel is too polite to beat him into the dirt.”
Rhys looked anything but out of shape. Cauldron boil me, what the hell
did they eat to look like that?
My knees wobbled a bit as I strode to the stool where Cassian had
brought a pitcher of water and two glasses. I poured one for myself, my
pinkie trembling uncontrollably again.
My tattoo, I realized, had been made with Illyrian markings. Perhaps
Rhys’s own way of wishing me luck and glory while facing Amarantha.
Luck and glory. I wouldn’t mind a little of either of those things these
days.
Cassian filled a glass for himself and clinked it against mine, so at odds
from the brutal taskmaster who, moments ago, had me walking through
punches, hitting his sparring pads, and trying not to crumple on the ground
to beg for death. So at odds from the male who had gone head to head with
my sister, unable to resist matching himself against Nesta’s spirit of steel
and flame.
“So,” Cassian said, gulping down the water. Behind us, Rhys and Azriel
clashed, separated, and clashed again. “When are you going to talk about
how you wrote a letter to Tamlin, telling him you’ve left for good?”
The question hit me so viciously that I sniped, “How about when you talk
about how you tease and taunt Mor to hide whatever it is you feel for her?”
Because I had no doubt that he was well aware of the role he played in their
little tangled web.
The beat of crunching steps and clashing blades behind us stumbled—
then resumed.
Cassian let out a startled, rough laugh. “Old news.”
“I have a feeling that’s what she probably says about you.”
“Get back in the ring,” Cassian said, setting down his empty glass. “No
core exercises. Just fists. You want to mouth off, then back it up.”
But the question he’d asked swarmed in my skull. You’ve left for good;
you’ve left for good; you’ve left for good.
I had—I’d meant it. But without knowing what he thought, if he’d even
care that much … No, I knew he’d care. He’d probably trashed the manor
in his rage.
If my mere mention of him suffocating me had caused him to destroy his
study, then this … I had been frightened by those fits of pure rage, cowed
by them. And it had been love—I had loved him so deeply, so greatly, but
…
“Rhys told you?” I said.
Cassian had the wisdom to look a bit nervous at the expression on my
face. “He informed Azriel, who is … monitoring things and needs to know.
Az told me.”
“I assume it was while you were out drinking and dancing.” I drained the
last of my water and walked back into the ring.
“Hey,” Cassian said, catching my arm. His hazel eyes were more green
than brown today. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit a nerve. Az only told me
because I told him I needed to know for my own forces; to know what to
expect. None of us … we don’t think it’s a joke. What you did was a hard
call. A really damn hard call. It was just my shitty way of trying to see if
you needed to talk about it. I’m sorry,” he repeated, letting go.
The stumbling words, the earnestness in his eyes … I nodded as I
resumed my place. “All right.”
Though Rhysand kept at it with Azriel, I could have sworn his eyes were
on me—had been on me from the moment Cassian had asked me that
question.
Cassian shoved his hands into the sparring pads and held them up.
“Thirty one-two punches; then forty; then fifty.” I winced at him over his
gloves as I wrapped my hands. “You didn’t answer my question,” he said
with a tentative smile—one I doubted his soldiers or Illyrian brethren ever
saw.
It had been love, and I’d meant it—the happiness, the lust, the peace …
I’d felt all of those things. Once.
I positioned my legs at twelve and five and lifted my hands up toward my
face.
But maybe those things had blinded me, too.
Maybe they’d been a blanket over my eyes about the temper. The need
for control, the need to protect that ran so deep he’d locked me up. Like a
prisoner.
“I’m fine,” I said, stepping and jabbing with my left side. Fluid—smooth
like silk, as if my immortal body at last aligned.
My fist slammed into Cassian’s sparring pad, snatching back as fast as a
snake’s bite as I struck with my right, shoulder and foot twisting.
“One,” Cassian counted. Again, I struck, one-two. “Two. And fine is
good—fine is great.”
Again, again, again.
We both knew “fine” was a lie.
I had done everything—everything for that love. I had ripped myself to
shreds, I had killed innocents and debased myself, and he had sat beside
Amarantha on that throne. And he couldn’t do anything, hadn’t risked it—
hadn’t risked being caught until there was one night left, and all he’d
wanted to do wasn’t free me, but fuck me, and—
Again, again, again. One-two; one-two; one-two—
And when Amarantha had broken me, when she had snapped my bones
and made my blood boil in its veins, he’d just knelt and begged her. He
hadn’t tried to kill her, hadn’t crawled for me. Yes, he’d fought for me—but
I’d fought harder for him.
Again, again, again, each pound of my fists on the sparring pads a
question and an answer.
And he had the nerve once his powers were back to shove me into a cage.
The nerve to say I was no longer useful; I was to be cloistered for his peace
of mind. He’d given me everything I needed to become myself, to feel safe,
and when he got what he wanted—when he got his power back, his lands
back … he stopped trying. He was still good, still Tamlin, but he was just
… wrong.
And then I was sobbing through my clenched teeth, the tears washing
away that infected wound, and I didn’t care that Cassian was there, or Rhys
or Azriel.
The clashing steel stopped.
And then my fists connected with bare skin, and I realized I’d punched
through the sparring pads—no, burned through them, and—
And I stopped, too.
The wrappings around my hands were now mere smudges of soot.
Cassian’s upraised palms remained before me—ready to take the blow, if I
needed to make it. “I’m all right,” he said quietly. Gently.
And maybe I was exhausted and broken, but I breathed, “I killed them.”
I hadn’t said the words aloud since it had happened.
Cassian’s lips tightened. “I know.” Not condemnation, not praise. But
grim understanding.
My hands slackened as another shuddering sob worked its way through
me. “It should have been me.”
And there it was.
Standing there under the cloudless sky, the winter sun beating on my
head, nothing around me save for rock, no shadows in which to hide,
nothing to cling to … There it was.
Then darkness swept in, soothing, gentle darkness—no, shade—and a
sweat-slick male body halted before me. Gentle fingers lifted my chin until
I looked up … at Rhysand’s face.
His wings had wrapped around us, cocooned us, the sunlight casting the
membrane in gold and red. Beyond us, outside, in another world, maybe,
the sounds of steel on steel—Cassian and Azriel sparring—began.
“You will feel that way every day for the rest of your life,” Rhysand said.
This close, I could smell the sweat on him, the sea-and-citrus scent beneath
it. His eyes were soft. I tried to look away, but he held my chin firm. “And I
know this because I have felt that way every day since my mother and sister
were slaughtered and I had to bury them myself, and even retribution didn’t
fix it.” He wiped away the tears on one cheek, then another. “You can either
let it wreck you, let it get you killed like it nearly did with the Weaver, or
you can learn to live with it.”
For a long moment, I just stared at the open, calm face—maybe his true
face, the one beneath all the masks he wore to keep his people safe. “I’m
sorry—about your family,” I rasped.
“I’m sorry I didn’t find a way to spare you from what happened Under
the Mountain,” Rhys said with equal quiet. “From dying. From wanting to
die.” I began to shake my head, but he said, “I have two kinds of
nightmares: the ones where I’m again Amarantha’s whore or my friends are
… And the ones where I hear your neck snap and see the light leave your
eyes.”
I had no answer to that—to the tenor in his rich, deep voice. So I
examined the tattoos on his chest and arms, the glow of his tan skin, so
golden now that he was no longer caged inside that mountain.
I stopped my perusal when I got to the vee of muscles that flowed
beneath the waist of his leather pants. Instead, I flexed my hand in front of
me, my skin warm from the heat that had burned through those pads.
“Ah,” he said, wings sweeping back as he folded them gracefully behind
him. “That.”
I squinted at the flood of sunlight. “Autumn Court, right?”
He took my hand, examining it, the skin already bruised from sparring.
“Right. A gift from its High Lord, Beron.”
Lucien’s father. Lucien—I wondered what he made of all this. If he
missed me. If Ianthe continued to … prey on him.
Still sparring, Cassian and Azriel were trying their best not to look like
they were eavesdropping.
“I’m not well versed in the complexities of the other High Lords’
elemental gifts,” Rhys said, “but we can figure it out—day by day, if need
be.”
“If you’re the most powerful High Lord in history … does that mean the
drop I got from you holds more sway over the others?” Why I’d been able
to break into his head that one time?
“Give it a try.” He jerked his chin toward me. “See if you can summon
darkness. I won’t ask you to try to winnow,” he added with a grin.
“I don’t know how I did it to begin with.”
“Will it into being.”
I gave him a flat stare.
He shrugged. “Try thinking of me—how good-looking I am. How
talented—”
“How arrogant.”
“That, too.” He crossed his arms over his bare chest, the movement
making the muscles in his stomach flicker.
“Put a shirt on while you’re at it,” I quipped.
A feline smile. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”
“I’m surprised there aren’t more mirrors in this house, since you seem to
love looking at yourself so much.”
Azriel launched into a coughing fit. Cassian just turned away, a hand
clamped over his mouth.
Rhys’s lips twitched. “There’s the Feyre I adore.”
I scowled, but closed my eyes and tried to look inward—toward any dark
corner of myself I could find. There were too many.
Far too many.
And right now—right now they each contained that letter I’d written
yesterday.
A good-bye.
For my own sanity, my own safety …
You are being provided with a book chapter by chapter. I will request you to read the book for me after each chapter. After reading the chapter, 1. shorten the chapter to no less than 300 words and no more than 400 words. 2. Do not change the name, address, or any important nouns in the chapter. 3. Do not translate the original language. 4. Keep the same style as the original chapter, keep it consistent throughout the chapter. Your reply must comply with all four requirements, or it’s invalid.
I will provide the chapter now.
Y OU AND CELIA DIDN’T HAVE any contact at all?” I ask.
Evelyn shakes her head. She stands up and walks over to the
window and opens it a crack. The breeze that streams in is welcome.
When she sits back down, she looks at me, ready to move on to
something else. But I’m too baffled.
“How long were the two of you together by that point?”
“Three years?” Evelyn says. “Just about.”
“And she just left? Without another word?”
Evelyn nods.
“Did you try to call her?”
She shakes her head. “I was . . . I didn’t yet know that it is OK to
grovel for something you really want. I thought that if she didn’t want
me, if she didn’t understand why I did what I did, then I didn’t need
her.”
“And you were OK?”
“No, I was miserable. I was hung up on her for years. I mean, sure, I
spent my time having fun. Don’t get me wrong. But Celia was nowhere
in sight. In fact, I would read copies of Sub Rosa because Celia’s
picture was in them, analyzing the other people with her in the photos,
wondering who they were to her, how she knew them. I know now that
she was just as heartbroken as I was. That somewhere in her head,
she was waiting for me to call her and apologize. But at the time, I just
ached all alone.”
“Do you regret that you didn’t call her?” I ask her. “That you lost
that time?”
Evelyn looks at me as if I am stupid. “She’s gone now,” Evelyn says.
“The love of my life is gone, and I can’t just call her and say I’m sorry
and have her come back. She’s gone forever. So yes, Monique, that is
something I do regret. I regret every second I didn’t spend with her. I
regret every stupid thing I did that caused her an ounce of pain. I
should have chased her down the street the day she left me. I should
have begged her to stay. I should have apologized and sent roses and
stood on top of the Hollywood sign and shouted, ‘I’m in love with Celia
St. James!’ and let them crucify me for it. That’s what I should have
done. And now that I don’t have her, and I have more money than I
could ever use in this lifetime, and my name is cemented in Hollywood
history, and I know how hollow it is, I am kicking myself for every
single second I chose it over loving her proudly. But that’s a luxury.
You can do that when you’re rich and famous. You can decide that
wealth and renown are worthless when you have them. Back then, I
still thought I had all the time I needed to do everything I wanted. That
if I just played my cards right, I could have it all.”
“You thought she’d come back to you,” I say.
“I knew she’d come back to me,” Evelyn says. “And she knew it, too.
We both knew our time wasn’t over.”
I hear the distinct sound of my phone. But it isn’t the familiar tone
of a regular text message. It is the beep I set just for David, last year
when I got the phone, just after we were married, when it never
occurred to me that he’d ever stop texting.
I look down briefly to see his name. And beneath it: I think we
should talk. This is too huge, M. It’s happening too fast. We have to talk
about it. I put it out of my mind instantly.
“So you knew she was coming back to you, but you married Rex
North anyway?” I ask, refocused.
Evelyn lowers her head for a moment, preparing to explain herself.
“Anna Karenina was way over budget. We were weeks behind
schedule. Rex was Count Vronsky. By the time the director’s cut came
in, we knew the entire thing had to be reedited, and we needed to
bring someone else in to save it.”
“And you had a stake in the box office.”
“Both Harry and I did. It was his first movie after leaving Sunset
Studios. If it flopped, he would have a hard time getting another
meeting in town.”
“And you? What would have happened to you if it flopped?”
You are being provided with a book chapter by chapter. I will request you to read the book for me after each chapter. After reading the chapter, 1. shorten the chapter to no less than 300 words and no more than 400 words. 2. Do not change the name, address, or any important nouns in the chapter. 3. Do not translate the original language. 4. Keep the same style as the original chapter, keep it consistent throughout the chapter. Your reply must comply with all four requirements, or it’s invalid.
I will provide the chapter now.
30
As everything was falling apart for me, my mother was writing a memoir. She
wrote about watching her beautiful daughter shaving o� her hair and wondering
how that was possible. She said that I used to be “the happiest little girl in the
world.”
When I made the wrong move, it was like my mother wasn’t concerned. She
would share my every mistake on television, promoting her book.
She wrote it trading on my name and talking about her parenting of me and
my brother and sister at a time when all three of us kids were basket cases. Jamie
Lynn was a pregnant teenager. Bryan was struggling to �nd his place in the
world and still convinced he was letting our father down. And I was in full
meltdown.
When the book came out, she appeared on every morning show to promote
it. I would turn on the TV to see B‑roll of my videos and my shaved head
�ashing on the screen. My mother was telling Meredith Vieira on the Today
show that she’d spent hours wondering how things went so wrong with me. On
another show, the audience clapped when she said my sister was pregnant at
sixteen. That was classy as shit, apparently, because she was still with the father!
Yes, how wonderful—she was married to her husband and having a baby at
seventeen. They’re still together! Great! It doesn’t matter that she’s a child having
a child!
I was in one of the darkest times in my life, and my mom was telling the
audience, “Oh yeah, and here’s… Britney.”
And every show was plastering images of me with my shaved head on the
screen.
You are being provided with a book chapter by chapter. I will request you to read the book for me after each chapter. After reading the chapter, 1. shorten the chapter to no less than 300 words and no more than 400 words. 2. Do not change the name, address, or any important nouns in the chapter. 3. Do not translate the original language. 4. Keep the same style as the original chapter, keep it consistent throughout the chapter. Your reply must comply with all four requirements, or it’s invalid.
I will provide the chapter now.
CHAPTER 30
Electricity raced down Patricia’s arms and legs, rooting her to the
spot.
“…can wrap up,” she heard James Harris say. “…want to go
upstairs and get some rest.”
A horrible thought gripped Patricia’s brain: any minute Slick was
going to stroll up to the back door and knock. Slick couldn’t lie to
save her life. She’d say she was there to meet Patricia.
A voice she couldn’t hear spoke, and then James Harris said, “Lora
here today?”
Patricia looked down and her heart banged so hard it left a bruise
against her ribs. Lora stood in the door of the guest room, a dust rag
in one hand, looking up at Patricia.
“Lora,” Patricia whispered.
Lora blinked, slowly.
“Close the stairs,” Patricia begged. Lora just stared. “Please. Close
the stairs.”
James Harris was saying something to Mrs. Greene that Patricia
couldn’t hear because everything in her body was directed at Lora,
willing her to understand. Then Lora moved: she held out one yellow
gloved hand, palm up in a universal gesture. Patricia remembered
the other ten-dollar bill. She jammed her hand into her pocket,
bending the nail of her forefinger backward, and pulled it out. She
dropped it and it fluttered down slowly, right into Lora’s hand.
Downstairs, she heard James Harris say, “Has anyone stopped
by?”
Lora leaned down, grabbed the bottom of the stairs, and pushed
them up. The springs didn’t groan this time but they were closing too
fast and she squatted, extending her hands, catching the trapdoor,
bringing it to a gentle close with a quiet bump.
She had to replace the suitcase before he came upstairs. She stood
and wedged her right foot beneath it, feeling its weight crush her
bones, and lifted, stepping her foot forward, using her shoe as a
bumper when she brought the suitcase down, swinging it forward a
step at a time. It was loud, but not as loud as dragging. Limping
wildly, bruising her shin with every step, her pulse snapping in her
wrists, the suitcase scraping the top of her foot raw, she slowly made
it to the end of the attic and slid the Samsonite back into place. Then
she saw that there were mothballs scattered all over the floor,
glowing like pearls in the dim attic light.
She scooped them up and, with nowhere else to put them, dropped
them into her pockets. Her head spun; she thought she might faint.
She had to know where he was. Stepping from joist to joist, she made
her way back to the trapdoor, brushed three dead cockroaches out of
her way and knelt on the floor, bringing her ear close to the gritty
plywood.
She heard the muffled thumps of bedroom doors opening and
closing. She prayed that Lora had closed the one with the attic stairs
in it, and then she heard it open, and footsteps right beneath her, and
her heart clenched. She wondered if the marks from the ladder could
be seen in the carpet’s pile. Then more footsteps and the door closed.
Everything went quiet. She pushed herself up. Every joint in her
body ached. How could she get out of here? And why had he traveled
in daylight? She knew he was capable of doing it but would only take
the risk in desperation. What had happened to make him hurry
home? Did he know she was here? And what was going to happen
when Slick showed up?
She heard faint voices floating up from downstairs:
“…come again next…”
He was sending them home. She heard a distant, final thump and
realized it was the front door closing. She was in the house alone.
With James Harris. Everything was silent for a few minutes and
then, from right beneath the trapdoor, a singsong voice drifted up.
“Patricia,” James Harris sang. “I know you’re in here.”
She froze. He was going to come up. She wanted to scream but
caught it before it could slip out between her lips.
“I’m going to find you, Patricia,” he singsonged.
He would come up the ladder. Any second she would hear the
springs stretch and see the light around the edges get brighter, she’d
hear his heavy steps on the rungs, and she’d see his head and
shoulders emerge into the attic, looking right at her, mouth splitting
wide into a grin, and that thing, that long black thing boiling up out
of his throat. She was trapped.
Below her, a bedroom door opened, then another. She heard closet
doors rattling open and shut, nearer and farther away, and then a
bedroom door slammed with a bang and she jumped a little inside
her skin. Another bedroom door opened.
It was only a matter of time before he remembered the attic. She
had to find a hiding place.
She squeezed the penlight and looked at the floor, trying to see if
she’d given herself away. The white cockroach poison had her tracks
all through it as well as drag marks from the suitcase. Squatting,
forcing herself to move slowly and carefully, she used her palms to
whisk the poison smooth, leaving the gritty white layer thinner, but
undisturbed. She walked backward, hunched over, brushing the floor
lightly, the small of her back on fire until she reached the suitcases
and stood. She used the penlight to check her work and was pleased.
She examined the suitcase and realized the one with Francine’s
body in it was rubbed clean. She scooped up roach powder and
mouse droppings and used them to dirty the suitcase. It would do the
job if he didn’t look closely.
Standing made her feel exposed, so she forced herself to lie down
behind the draped mound of Mrs. Savage’s things. With her ear
pressed to the filthy plywood floor, she heard the house vibrating
beneath her. She heard doors opening and closing. She heard
footsteps. Then she heard nothing. The silence made her nervous.
She checked her wristwatch: 4:56. The silence lulled her into a
trance. She could stay here, he wouldn’t look for her here, she’d wait
as long as she needed, and she’d listen, and when it got dark he’d
leave the house and she could sneak out. She would be strong. She
would be smart. She would be safe.
She heard the springs groan as the trapdoor opened, and light
flooded the far end of the attic.
“Patricia,” James Harris said loudly, coming up the steps, springs
screaming crazily beneath his feet. “I know you’re up here.”
She looked at the filthy blankets draped over the boxes and
realized that even getting under them wouldn’t help. The furniture
was too sparse to hide her. If he walked around to this side of the
stacks he’d see her. There was nowhere to go.
“I’m coming for you, Patricia,” he called, happily, as he got to the
top of the ladder.
Then she saw the pile of clothes on the edge of the attic where the
plywood flooring ended. Several boxes had split open and disgorged
their contents into a huge mound.
If she could burrow into that pile she would be hidden. She
crawled closer, staying low, the reeking stench of rotting fabric
scraping her sinuses raw. Her gorge slapped against the back of her
throat. The footsteps coming up the ladder stopped.
“Patty,” James’s voice said from the middle of the attic. “We need
to talk.”
She heard the plywood creak beneath his weight.
She raised the stiff edge of the pile and began to slither under,
head first. Spiders fled from the disturbance, and roach eggs
loosened from the fabric and rained down on her face. Centipedes
fell out and squirmed against the hollow of her throat. She heard
James Harris coming across the attic floor and she forced herself to
fight down her gorge and slither in, moving carefully so she didn’t
disturb the blankets draped overhead. His feet came closer; they
were at the edge of the boxes now, and she pulled her feet in under
the rotting pile of clothes and lay there, trying not to breathe.
Insects seethed across her body, and she realized she’d disturbed a
mouse nest. Clawed feet squirmed over her stomach, writhed over
her hip. She wanted to scream. She kept her mouth clamped shut,
taking small shallow breaths through her nose, feeling the stinking
fabric around her crawling with mites, roaches, and mice.
Desiccated insect husks lay on her face, but she didn’t dare brush
them away. Spiders crept across her knuckles. She made herself hold
very still. She heard another step and she could tell he was lifting the
blankets draped over Ann Savage’s boxes, looking underneath, and
she pretended she was invisible.
“Patricia,” James Harris said, conversationally. “Why are you
hiding in my attic? What are you looking for up here?”
She thought about how he’d gotten Francine’s body into the
suitcase, how he’d probably had to take his big hands and break her
arms, shatter her shoulders, crush her elbows, pull her legs out of
their sockets and twist them into splinters to make them fit. He was
so strong. And he was standing directly over her.
The pile of rotten fabric shifted and moved, and she willed herself
to become smaller and smaller until there was nothing left.
Something extended a delicate, gentle leg onto her chin, then moved
over her lips, delicately scraping them with its hairy legs, and she felt
the roach’s antenna brush the rim of her nostrils like long, waving
hairs. She wanted to scream but she pretended she was made of
stone.
“Patricia,” James Harris said. “I can see you.”
Please, please, please don’t go up my nose, she silently begged the
cockroach.
“Patricia,” James Harris said from right beside her. What if her
feet were sticking out? What if he could see them? “It’s time to stop
playing. You know how much it hurts me to go outside during the
day. I don’t feel very good right now, and I’m not in the mood for
games.”
The roach stepped past her nose, brushed over her cheekbone, and
she squeezed her eyes shut, gritty in their sockets with all the rotting
fabric flaking into them, and the roach’s progress across her face
tickled so badly she had to brush her cheek or she would go insane.
The roach crawled down the side of her face, over her ear, probing
inside her ear canal with its antenna, then, drawn by the warmth, its
legs began to scrabble into her ear.
Oh, God, she wanted to moan.
Please, please, please, please…
She felt the antenna waving, exploring deep inside her ear, and it
sent cold shivers down her spine, and bile boiled up her throat, and
she pressed her tongue against the roof of her mouth, and felt the
bile fill her sinuses, and the legs were inside her ear now, and its
wings were fluttering delicately against the top of her ear canal, and
she felt it crush its body into her ear.
“Patricia!” James Harris shouted, and something moved violently,
and crashed over, and she almost screamed but she held on, and the
roach forced its way deeper into her ear, three quarters in, its legs
scrabbling deeper, and soon she wouldn’t be able to get it out, and
James Harris kicked over furniture, and she felt the blankets move.
Then loud stomps moved away from her, and she heard the
springs moan, and the roach fluttered its wings, trying to force itself
deeper, but it was jammed, and she felt like it was fluttering its front
legs against the side of her brain, and she knew James Harris was
only pretending to go down, and then there was a bang and the floor
jumped, and silence, and she knew he was waiting for her.
She got her left hand ready to catch the back legs of the roach
before it disappeared into her ear, and she listened, waiting to hear
James Harris give himself away, but then, far away, deep down
inside the house she heard a door slam.
Patricia scrambled out from under the pile of clothes, feeling
mouse droppings shower from her body, tearing at her ear, and she
couldn’t catch the roach, and it panicked and squirmed, pushing its
way into her ear, and she grabbed her soft tissue all around it, and
crumpled her ear closed. Something crunched and popped and warm
fluid oozed deep inside her ear canal, and she pulled out the mangled
corpse of the roach, and scraped the hot gunk out with her little
finger.
Spiders crawled from her hair onto her neck. She slapped at them,
praying they weren’t black widows.
Finally, she stopped. She looked at the pile of old clothes and knew
that even if he came back, there was no way she could make herself
go under them again.
She watched the louvers get dimmer on the side of the attic facing
the back of the house, and get brighter behind the louvers facing the
harbor, and then the light turned rose, then red, then orange, and
then it was gone. She began to shiver. How was she going to get out?
What if he stayed in the house all night? What if he came back up
after she’d fallen asleep? What if Carter called home? Did Blue and
Korey know where she was?
She checked her watch. 6:11. Her thoughts chased themselves
around and around inside her head as the sun went down and the
heat leached out of the attic. She felt thirsty, hungry, scared, and
filthy. Eventually she put her feet back under the moldering pile of
clothes to keep them warm.
Occasionally, she dropped off to sleep and would wake up with a
jerk of her head that made her neck snap. She listened for James
Harris, shivered uncontrollably, and stopped looking at her watch
because she’d think an hour had passed and each time discovered it
had only been five minutes.
She wondered what had happened to Slick, and she wondered why
he had come back early, and why he had risked going out in daylight,
and inside her cold, gummy head, these thoughts went slower and
slower and melted together and suddenly she knew it was Slick.
Slick had told him she was here. That was why Slick hadn’t come.
She had called James Harris in Florida because her Christian values
In Chapter 30 of “The Tenant of Wildfell Hall” by Anne Brontë, the protagonist, Helen, navigates the troubled waters of her marriage with Arthur Huntingdon, whose return home brings both relief and renewed challenges. Arthur’s behavior, worsened by drink and disregard for his health, prompts Helen to confront him gently, hoping for a change. Despite his initial defensiveness and complaints toward domestic trivialities, moments of vulnerability reveal the depth of Arthur’s self-destructive tendencies, marked by a confession of an “infernal fire in [his] veins” that no amount of drink can quench. Helen, attempting to coax him into better habits, faces a battle of patience and resilience, enduring Arthur’s petulance and lack of appreciation for her efforts.
The narrative delves into the everyday struggles of their marriage, showcasing Helen’s attempts to mitigate Arthur’s drinking and to foster a semblance of normalcy and affection in their relationship. Her endeavors are complicated by the presence of Mr. Hargrave, whose intentions, while seemingly supportive, stir uneasy feelings in Helen due to the undercurrents of attraction and sympathy he holds for her plight.
Helen’s love for Arthur is portrayed as a double-edged sword, embodying both her strength in facing his failings and her own vulnerability to being dragged down by his self-destructive spiral. Despite moments of despair and frustration, she remains committed to her marriage, conflicted by her moral and emotional inclinations towards loyalty and hope for redemption.
The chapter articulates the themes of love’s complexities, the struggle for moral integrity, and the pain of watching a loved one succumb to their demons. Helen’s internal conflict, coupled with her enduring hope for Arthur’s betterment, paints a poignant picture of marital discord and the resilience of the human spirit amidst adversity. As spring approaches, bringing with it a sense of foreboding for Helen, her narrative continues to unfold against the backdrop of societal expectations and personal convictions.
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