Chap­ter XVII begins on the bustling streets of New York City on New Year’s Eve, 2013. Hen­ry, caught in the whirl­wind of a wild par­ty at a Bed-Stuy apart­ment known as the Cas­tle, finds him­self over­whelmed by the chaos around him. The par­ty is filled with loud con­ver­sa­tions, flash­ing lights, and fleet­ing inter­ac­tions, leav­ing Hen­ry to feel more iso­lat­ed than ever. Amidst this chaos, he steps out­side to the fire escape, seek­ing solace in the cold, qui­et night. The chill of the air con­trasts sharply with the fre­net­ic ener­gy of the par­ty inside, offer­ing him a brief moment of intro­spec­tion and relief. Stand­ing there, Hen­ry is struck by a deep­er desire for gen­uine con­nec­tion, far from the super­fi­cial encoun­ters that seem to dom­i­nate his life. The city, alive with cel­e­bra­tion, feels dis­tant as he reflects on his own emo­tion­al iso­la­tion, pon­der­ing the rela­tion­ships that feel just out of reach.

In his brief inter­ac­tion with a stranger, whose name he can’t even recall—Mark, Max, or Malcolm—Henry is once again remind­ed of the empti­ness of casu­al encoun­ters. The stranger, attempt­ing to make a con­nec­tion, offers a fleet­ing moment of atten­tion, but Hen­ry rec­og­nizes the hol­low­ness of their exchange almost instant­ly. He asks the man to stop advanc­ing, not because he lacks desire, but because he longs for some­thing deep­er, some­thing gen­uine that seems so elu­sive in the world around him. In a way, this encounter becomes a metaphor for Henry’s life—always sur­round­ed by peo­ple, yet nev­er tru­ly seen or under­stood. His attempt to avoid the empti­ness of this inter­ac­tion is inter­rupt­ed by Rob­bie, his host and part of his close-knit group of friends, which adds an unspo­ken ten­sion to their dynam­ic. Robbie’s pres­ence, though famil­iar, high­lights an uncom­fort­able dis­tance between them, as if their friend­ship is slip­ping through his fin­gers despite the his­to­ry they share.

Seek­ing respite from the noise and con­fu­sion of the par­ty, Hen­ry retreats to the fire escape, a place of rel­a­tive calm amidst the chaos. It is here that Bea, anoth­er close friend, joins him, climb­ing out into the cold night to sit by his side. Their qui­et con­ver­sa­tion opens a win­dow into their rela­tion­ship, reveal­ing unspo­ken truths and vul­ner­a­bil­i­ties. Bea express­es her con­cern for Hen­ry, shar­ing with him that Rob­bie har­bors unrec­i­p­ro­cat­ed feel­ings for him, which adds com­plex­i­ty to their friend­ships. Although Bea offers kind words of affir­ma­tion about Henry’s worth, he strug­gles to accept them. His inter­nal inse­cu­ri­ties make it dif­fi­cult for him to embrace the sup­port that his friends offer, fur­ther deep­en­ing his sense of iso­la­tion. The dis­con­nect between his per­cep­tion of him­self and how Bea sees him reflects his ongo­ing strug­gle with self-iden­ti­ty and accep­tance. Despite Bea’s sin­cere attempts to reas­sure him, Hen­ry is caught in the painful real­iza­tion that his sense of self-worth is not aligned with the love and accep­tance he receives from oth­ers.

As their con­ver­sa­tion shifts, they begin to dis­cuss the con­cept of exchang­ing one’s soul for hap­pi­ness or love. Hen­ry, vul­ner­a­ble in this moment, con­fess­es his deep­est wish: to be loved. His admis­sion under­scores the cen­tral con­flict of his character—his deep yearn­ing for con­nec­tion, but the real­iza­tion that love, when not freely giv­en, can feel inau­then­tic. Bea lis­tens, under­stand­ing the weight of his words, but there is a ten­sion in the air, a sub­tle shift in their dynam­ic. Bea decides to return to the par­ty, leav­ing Hen­ry alone with his thoughts. She offers a cus­tom­ary kiss before head­ing back, a sim­ple act of affec­tion that would typ­i­cal­ly sym­bol­ize the joy of the moment. How­ev­er, for Hen­ry, the kiss only deep­ens the ache in his chest as he ques­tions his choic­es, the paths he’s tak­en, and the rela­tion­ships that remain elu­sive. The night, filled with excite­ment for every­one else, leaves him con­tem­plat­ing what it all means for him. Despite the fes­tiv­i­ties around him, he is left ques­tion­ing his own worth and the choic­es he’s made that have led him here, in this moment of emo­tion­al tur­moil.

This chap­ter mas­ter­ful­ly explores the themes of lone­li­ness, self-dis­cov­ery, and the human yearn­ing for gen­uine con­nec­tion. It exam­ines the strug­gle between what Hen­ry per­ceives about him­self and how he is seen by those around him. The over­whelm­ing desire for love, accep­tance, and a sense of belong­ing con­trasts with the emo­tion­al walls Hen­ry has built over time. His inter­nal bat­tle between accept­ing affec­tion and reject­ing it, dri­ven by deep inse­cu­ri­ties, illus­trates the com­plex­i­ty of his char­ac­ter. The chap­ter also delves into the fleet­ing nature of rela­tion­ships in a world where every­thing feels tem­po­rary. The tran­sient nature of New Year’s Eve cel­e­bra­tions serves as a poignant back­drop for Henry’s search for mean­ing in his rela­tion­ships. This sense of imper­ma­nence ampli­fies the depth of his exis­ten­tial doubt and yearn­ing for some­thing real and last­ing. Through these emo­tion­al strug­gles, the chap­ter paints a vivid pic­ture of youth­ful yearn­ing and the elu­sive nature of hap­pi­ness and love in a world full of fleet­ing con­nec­tions.