Ballad: Thomson Green And Harriet Hale (To be sung to the Air of “An ‘Orrible Tale.”)

In the whimsical ballad of Thomson Green and Harriet Hale, a tale unfolds that is as amusing as it is implausible, best captured by the recurring sentiment, “Twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twaddle twum!” Thomson Green, an auctioneer with an annual income of three hundred pounds, happens upon Harriet Hale, a pianoforte instructor of some repute, in the charming confines of Regent’s Park. Their initial encounter, marked by Green’s offhand admiration for the day’s beauty, sparks a romance that swiftly evolves from casual conversation to courtship.

Green, evidently smitten, wastes little time in declaring his affections to Harriet’s father, boldly proclaiming his love for Harriet and her reciprocated feelings. The couple’s engagement is promptly announced, leading to a quiet but joyous wedding at St. Mary Abbot’s Church. The newlyweds then embark on a honeymoon to a quaint cottage in Shanklin, Isle of Wight, only to surprise everyone by returning within a month to settle in a “gentlemanly residence” in Canonbury Square.

The narrative takes a peculiar turn as it delves into the couple’s daily existence, characterized by a lifestyle deemed “weird and reckless” for its time. The Green’s dining preferences alone – a routine that consists of a joint of meat, a pudding, and a modest portion of cheese – serves as a testament to their unconventional nature. Through a blend of humor and exaggeration, the story of Thomson Green and Harriet Hale invites readers to marvel at the oddities of love and life, all while maintaining a playful skepticism towards the tale’s veracity.