Ballad: Ben Allah Achmet; – Or, The Fatal Tum

In the quaint county of Sussex, notably in the town of Hooe, lived three uniquely contrasting characters whose lives intertwined in a tale of unrequited love and peculiar malady. The first of these characters was Effendi Khan Backsheesh Pasha Ben Allah Achmet, a Turkish gentleman of considerable note, who found himself smitten with the charm and grace of a local damsel, Emily MacPherson. Despite the grand allure of his Eastern heritage and the opulence that adorned his life, Ben Allah Achmet found himself in an emotional quagmire, yearning for a love that seemed ever so elusive, primarily due to the presence of a rival for Emily’s affection.

This rival was none other than Doctor Brown, a man of science and healing, whose affections for Emily were no less fervent than those of the Turkish Pasha. Doctor Brown, with his seductive blend of knowledge and compassion, found himself in a silent battle with Achmet, neither aware of the other’s existence nor their shared object of affection. Unlike the classic tales of love and rivalry, their competition was unbeknownst to the other, a testament to the isolated orbits in which they revolved around the unwitting Emily.

The twist in this narrative tapestry comes when Ben Allah Achmet is struck by a mysterious and debilitating ailment, one that cast him into a pit of pain and despair, manifesting physically through his “little tummy.” In his hour of need, he sought the expertise of Doctor Brown, oblivious to the doctor’s connection to his beloved Emily. Doctor Brown’s arrival brought about a peculiar consultation, marked by an amusing reluctance from the Turk to divulge the specifics of his condition, attributing it to a bashfulness that seemed out of place amidst his suffering.

This ballad intricately weaves themes of love, jealousy, and the comedic interplay of cultural differences against the backdrop of a small Sussex town. The characters, though strangers to each other, are bound by their individual desires and circumstances, leading to a narrative laced with irony and humor. The story of Ben Allah Achmet, Doctor Brown, and Emily MacPherson serves as a charming vignette, exploring the complexities of human emotion and the absurdities of fate.