Chapter 3

In Chapter 3, Phoebe grapples with the weight of her impending death while reflecting on her life’s disappointments. Surrounded by reminders of a past filled with rules and worries, she gives in to a sense of freedom, pouring herself a glass of German chocolate wine and contemplating her regrets, notably the fact that she has never seen the ocean. Despite her acknowledgment of this personal failure, she is further plagued by the recent divorce from Matt, who opted for separation via Zoom during the pandemic, leaving her feeling abandoned and betrayed.

As she gazes at the calm ocean from her room, she attempts to place an order for a lavish final meal, yearning for lobster and oysters. However, her plans are thwarted by the hotel staff, who inform her that room service has been suspended for an opening reception. The idea of mingling with happy guests at the reception fills her with panic, pushing her towards the decision to skip the meal altogether.

Phoebe then recalls the chaos of her academic responsibilities, the ups and downs of her career, and the pressures she has faced as an educator. Interaction with students, particularly a conversation with Adam about dropping out of college to pursue a passion for making pants, unveils her own feelings of inadequacy and confusion as she navigates her changing identity.

The narrative shifts to a tense encounter with Mia, the woman Matt left her for, whom she runs into while struggling with her own emotions in the photocopier room. Their conversation crescendos into a confrontation over Mia’s role in her life and marriage, leading Phoebe to express her feelings of betrayal and loss. Mia’s admission of love for Matt unveils a painful truth; Phoebe realizes that her marriage had already crumbled before Mia entered the picture.

The chapter culminates with Phoebe feeling completely lost. After a series of failed attempts to cope with her reality, she discovers her cat, Harry, has passed, intensifying her sense of despair. Overwhelmed by grief, she seeks refuge in alcohol but wakes up with the harsh reality of her situation hitting her hard. Reflecting on death and rebirth through the lens of literature, especially Whitman’s philosophy, she ultimately concludes that the future seems bleak.

In a final gesture of defiance against her despair, Phoebe books a stay at the Cornwall, hinting at her search for a form of escape from the anguish that envelops her life.