Chap­ter 10 delves into the narrator’s inter­nal reflec­tion on his life as a spy dur­ing the chaot­ic peri­od of war, where he reveals per­son­al details about his rela­tion­ship with his wife, Hel­ga. He empha­sizes that Hel­ga was nev­er aware of his espi­onage activ­i­ties, real­iz­ing in hind­sight that reveal­ing the truth would not have dimin­ished her deep love for him. Despite the heavy bur­den of keep­ing such a sig­nif­i­cant secret, the nar­ra­tor trea­sures the unwa­ver­ing affec­tion Hel­ga gave him, describ­ing it as an uncrit­i­cal love—a rare and valu­able gift amidst the tumult of the world around them. This love, pure and unde­mand­ing, became a life­line for him in a time of great uncer­tain­ty, pro­vid­ing solace in a rela­tion­ship that tran­scend­ed the com­plex­i­ties of the out­side world. As the nar­ra­tor recounts these moments, there is a sense of both admi­ra­tion and sor­row, rec­og­niz­ing the pro­found con­nec­tion they shared while acknowl­edg­ing the inevitable com­pli­ca­tions that came with his deceit.

The nar­ra­tive then shifts to a more somber tone as the nar­ra­tor recalls the loss of Hel­ga, who was pre­sumed dead after the Rus­sians reclaimed the Crimea, where she had been enter­tain­ing the troops. Dev­as­tat­ed by her dis­ap­pear­ance, he took it upon him­self to hire a pri­vate detec­tive in West Berlin to uncov­er her fate, offer­ing a sub­stan­tial reward for any infor­ma­tion about her where­abouts. Despite these efforts, he received no leads or answers, leav­ing him in a state of emo­tion­al lim­bo, haunt­ed by the uncer­tain­ty of her fate. The unan­swered ques­tions and the void left by her dis­ap­pear­ance cre­ate an emo­tion­al ten­sion that lingers through­out the nar­ra­tive, fur­ther com­pli­cat­ing the narrator’s sense of self and pur­pose. The pain of not know­ing what hap­pened to her, com­bined with the iso­la­tion from the world, deep­ens his sense of loss, mak­ing his past seem even more unreach­able and trag­ic.

The deep bond between the nar­ra­tor and Hel­ga is poignant­ly depict­ed as the nar­ra­tor recalls the inti­mate, iso­lat­ed world they shared. Their rela­tion­ship was, in many ways, a “nation of two,” a micro­cosm cre­at­ed sole­ly with­in the con­fines of their mar­i­tal bed. In this seclud­ed space, they were untouched by the chaos of the out­side world, com­mu­ni­cat­ing more through unspo­ken emo­tions than through mean­ing­ful dia­logue. Their love was so envelop­ing that it shield­ed them from the real­i­ties of war, pro­vid­ing a sense of solace and uni­ty that con­trast­ed sharply with the exter­nal tumult. This inti­mate world, free from the pres­sures of exter­nal events, allowed them to focus on each oth­er, deep­en­ing their con­nec­tion with­out the need for words. How­ev­er, when this world was shat­tered by Hel­ga’s sud­den dis­ap­pear­ance, the nar­ra­tor was left adrift, feel­ing as though his very sense of self had been ripped away. The loss of Hel­ga left him not only bereft of love but also state­less, unteth­ered to the world and to any sense of iden­ti­ty. The emo­tion­al and exis­ten­tial dis­ar­ray that fol­lows becomes a cen­tral theme of the chap­ter, as the nar­ra­tor strug­gles with the col­lapse of his per­son­al uni­verse.

In his reflec­tive state, the nar­ra­tor recalls a warn­ing from his recruiter, who had once cau­tioned him about the trea­so­nous nature of his espi­onage work. The recruiter had omi­nous­ly told him that there would be no for­give­ness for his actions, a truth that the nar­ra­tor has been unable to escape since. This omi­nous advice looms over him, as the nar­ra­tor grap­ples with the con­se­quences of his actions, unsure of how to rec­on­cile the man he has become with the guilt that weighs on his con­science. The dual­i­ty of his existence—caught between his love for Hel­ga and his betray­al of his country—shapes his strug­gle to come to terms with his past and the path for­ward. This ten­sion between his per­son­al love and his pro­fes­sion­al betray­al encap­su­lates the com­plex emo­tion­al land­scape of the narrator’s jour­ney, leav­ing him trapped between guilt, loss, and a desire for redemp­tion.