Chapter 10 delves into the narrator’s internal reflection on his life as a spy during the chaotic period of war, where he reveals personal details about his relationship with his wife, Helga. He emphasizes that Helga was never aware of his espionage activities, realizing in hindsight that revealing the truth would not have diminished her deep love for him. Despite the heavy burden of keeping such a significant secret, the narrator treasures the unwavering affection Helga gave him, describing it as an uncritical love—a rare and valuable gift amidst the tumult of the world around them. This love, pure and undemanding, became a lifeline for him in a time of great uncertainty, providing solace in a relationship that transcended the complexities of the outside world. As the narrator recounts these moments, there is a sense of both admiration and sorrow, recognizing the profound connection they shared while acknowledging the inevitable complications that came with his deceit.

The narrative then shifts to a more somber tone as the narrator recalls the loss of Helga, who was presumed dead after the Russians reclaimed the Crimea, where she had been entertaining the troops. Devastated by her disappearance, he took it upon himself to hire a private detective in West Berlin to uncover her fate, offering a substantial reward for any information about her whereabouts. Despite these efforts, he received no leads or answers, leaving him in a state of emotional limbo, haunted by the uncertainty of her fate. The unanswered questions and the void left by her disappearance create an emotional tension that lingers throughout the narrative, further complicating the narrator’s sense of self and purpose. The pain of not knowing what happened to her, combined with the isolation from the world, deepens his sense of loss, making his past seem even more unreachable and tragic.

The deep bond between the narrator and Helga is poignantly depicted as the narrator recalls the intimate, isolated world they shared. Their relationship was, in many ways, a “nation of two,” a microcosm created solely within the confines of their marital bed. In this secluded space, they were untouched by the chaos of the outside world, communicating more through unspoken emotions than through meaningful dialogue. Their love was so enveloping that it shielded them from the realities of war, providing a sense of solace and unity that contrasted sharply with the external tumult. This intimate world, free from the pressures of external events, allowed them to focus on each other, deepening their connection without the need for words. However, when this world was shattered by Helga’s sudden disappearance, the narrator was left adrift, feeling as though his very sense of self had been ripped away. The loss of Helga left him not only bereft of love but also stateless, untethered to the world and to any sense of identity. The emotional and existential disarray that follows becomes a central theme of the chapter, as the narrator struggles with the collapse of his personal universe.

In his reflective state, the narrator recalls a warning from his recruiter, who had once cautioned him about the treasonous nature of his espionage work. The recruiter had ominously told him that there would be no forgiveness for his actions, a truth that the narrator has been unable to escape since. This ominous advice looms over him, as the narrator grapples with the consequences of his actions, unsure of how to reconcile the man he has become with the guilt that weighs on his conscience. The duality of his existence—caught between his love for Helga and his betrayal of his country—shapes his struggle to come to terms with his past and the path forward. This tension between his personal love and his professional betrayal encapsulates the complex emotional landscape of the narrator’s journey, leaving him trapped between guilt, loss, and a desire for redemption.