Chapter 40: Normal

On a chilly Novem­ber evening, Eliz­a­beth and Wake­ly sit qui­et­ly on the back steps of a house, their con­ver­sa­tion delv­ing into the pro­found and often unset­tling top­ics of mor­tal­i­ty and existence—topics that feel any­thing but nor­mal. Eliz­a­beth admits to fre­quent­ly pon­der­ing death, a stark yet gen­uine reflec­tion that strikes a chord with Wakely’s own con­tem­pla­tions. Inside the warmth of the house, Made­line remains bliss­ful­ly pre­oc­cu­pied with her tele­vi­sion pro­gram, a sim­ple and inno­cent activ­i­ty that stark­ly con­trasts with the weighty exchange occur­ring out­side.

As their con­ver­sa­tion unfolds, Wake­ly chal­lenges the soci­etal con­structs of “nor­mal,” argu­ing that it is an illu­sion, a mere place­hold­er for con­for­mi­ty that often ignores the extra­or­di­nary and the inex­plic­a­ble. Draw­ing par­al­lels to sto­ries in the Bible, he offers a per­spec­tive that con­trasts the mun­dane expe­ri­ences of life with the grandeur of spir­i­tu­al and exis­ten­tial nar­ra­tives. His intent is not to dis­miss Eliz­a­beth’s feel­ings of despair but to urge her to see beyond them, sug­gest­ing that her sense of being “dead inside” is a men­tal bar­ri­er, not an unchange­able real­i­ty. Through his words, Wake­ly hopes to guide Eliz­a­beth toward rec­og­niz­ing her resilience and the unde­ni­able vital­i­ty of her exis­tence.

Eliz­a­beth, hes­i­tant but com­pelled to share, reveals a secret she has carried—a breach of pri­va­cy in read­ing the let­ters exchanged between Wake­ly and her late hus­band, Calvin. Among Calvin’s pos­ses­sions, Eliz­a­beth dis­cov­ered cor­re­spon­dence that uncov­ered Wakely’s inad­ver­tent role in influ­enc­ing Calvin’s deci­sion to move to Com­mons, deemed to have the “best weath­er,” a detail Calvin took to heart. Wake­ly, upon learn­ing this, is bur­dened by guilt, as Calvin’s move even­tu­al­ly led to the trag­ic cir­cum­stances of his death. Eliz­a­beth fur­ther adds anoth­er lay­er to their shared pain, con­fess­ing her own sense of respon­si­bil­i­ty in Calvin’s fate by admit­ting to pur­chas­ing a leash—a seem­ing­ly inno­cent act that feels laden with unin­tend­ed con­se­quences in hind­sight.

Their con­ver­sa­tion deep­ens as both grap­ple with their respec­tive bur­dens. Wake­ly, despite his out­ward prag­ma­tism, reveals his per­son­al strug­gles with faith and his waver­ing dis­be­lief in God, a con­flict exac­er­bat­ed by the unin­tend­ed impact of his words on Calvin’s choic­es. Eliz­a­beth, in turn, delves into her own past, recount­ing the tragedy of her brother’s suicide—a self­less act meant to save her, which has left her car­ry­ing the weight of survivor’s guilt. This rev­e­la­tion expos­es Elizabeth’s com­plex rela­tion­ship with grief, guilt, and her search for mean­ing in the wake of immense loss.

Amid these raw con­fes­sions, Madeline’s world of inno­cence momen­tar­i­ly inter­sects with theirs as a whim­si­cal tele­vi­sion theme song drifts through the air. The light­heart­ed tune pro­vides an almost jar­ring jux­ta­po­si­tion to the heavy dia­logue out­side, high­light­ing the stark dif­fer­ences between the sim­plic­i­ty of child­hood and the com­plex emo­tion­al land­scapes adults nav­i­gate. Eliz­a­beth and Wake­ly, despite their inter­nal strug­gles, find a fleet­ing sense of solace in the shared acknowl­edg­ment of their vul­ner­a­bil­i­ties and their mutu­al effort to untan­gle the intri­ca­cies of human respon­si­bil­i­ty, regret, and sur­vival.

Their con­ver­sa­tion doesn’t lead to defin­i­tive answers but rather a shared under­stand­ing of life’s fragili­ty and the com­pli­cat­ed emo­tions that accom­pa­ny it. Wake­ly offers his per­spec­tive on sui­cide, empha­siz­ing its mul­ti­fac­eted nature and the chal­lenge of find­ing peace in its after­math. Eliz­a­beth lis­tens, her own expe­ri­ences align­ing with his words in unex­pect­ed ways, fos­ter­ing a con­nec­tion that feels both ground­ing and redemp­tive.

In this exchange, the themes of guilt, for­give­ness, and resilience inter­twine, cre­at­ing a tapes­try of emo­tions that reflect the human con­di­tion. The chap­ter cap­tures a pro­found moment of con­nec­tion, where two indi­vid­u­als, shaped by their unique and shared his­to­ries, seek com­fort in each other’s hon­esty and under­stand­ing. Their dia­logue, though heavy with sor­row, becomes a tes­ta­ment to the pow­er of human con­nec­tion and the endur­ing quest for mean­ing in a world often fraught with loss and uncer­tain­ty.