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Chapter
Chapter 36
Chapter 36 reflects a period of growth and reflection as I navigated the complexity of my career, personal life, and the ongoing control of the conservatorship. One of the things that gave me solace during my time in Vegas was teaching dance to children. Once a month, I would teach a group of forty kids, and in LA, I would teach every couple of months. The simplicity and joy of being around kids who were full of energy and had no judgment was healing. Their pure energy and eagerness to learn felt like a…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 37
Chapter 37 marks a shift in my journey as a performer, where I began to grapple with the restrictions placed on me and the way I expressed myself on stage. For so long, I had been told that my hair, my movement, and my performance were key to my appeal. The energy of a performance was supposed to be reflected in how I moved, how I danced, and how freely I let my hair fly. But during my Las Vegas residency, I found myself wearing tight wigs, dancing in a way that kept my hair still, and doing everything I…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 38
Chapter 38 marks a pivotal moment in my journey toward reclaiming my strength and sense of self. During my third year in Vegas, I felt a resurgence of something I hadn’t experienced in a long time—true strength. It was a sense of power that came from within, a recognition that I could no longer endure the constraints of the conservatorship. For so long, my parents had convinced me I was the problem, the “crazy” one, and that narrative worked in their favor. This constant undermining of my sense of…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 39
Chapter 39 reflects a time when life felt controlled, but I still tried to hold on to some semblance of my old self. Before the conservatorship, I was spontaneous and free-spirited. My friend Cade would suggest a road trip, and I’d be packed and ready before he even finished telling me the destination. I had confidence in my choices, whether it was adjusting the sound at my shows or expressing frustration when things went wrong. I didn’t hold back—everyone knew how I felt, and I embraced that…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 40
Chapter 40 captures the dramatic and chaotic atmosphere of the 2018 event that was meant to showcase my return to Vegas. As the crowd gathered outside the new Park MGM hotel in Las Vegas, the energy was electric. Superfans dressed in matching outfits waved flags with the letter "B," showing their unwavering support for me. Dancers on stage wore T-shirts emblazoned with my name, and announcers livestreamed the event, getting their followers hyped up. The night was filled with flashing laser lights, booming…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 41
Chapter 41 brought a mix of strength and uncertainty. I had grown stronger over time, especially after connecting with women in AA who taught me a lot about navigating life with courage and honesty. I was feeling more empowered, though the nagging suspicion that my father might be plotting something lingered in the back of my mind. Despite this, I focused on staying positive and building on the inspiration I had gained. My birthday was a bright spot, with Hesam taking me to a special place, and I had…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 42
Chapter 42 marks a time in my life when my freedom was completely stripped away, and my world became unrecognizable. I was confined in a treatment center where even the most basic rights were denied. I couldn't go outside, drive, or even enjoy privacy. My blood was drawn weekly, and every moment of my life was supervised—whether I was sleeping, watching TV, or changing clothes. A strict schedule controlled my every move, with mandatory therapy sessions and endless meetings. The sense of being trapped was…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 45
Chapter 45 marked a new beginning, one where I actively worked to reclaim my sense of identity. I turned to social media not for fame, but to remind people—and myself—that I was still human. Sharing pieces of my everyday life, especially fashion and music, became a healing process. Dressing up and taking photos felt empowering, not performative. It gave me back control in a world where so much had been taken from me. While some followers found it odd, I relished the freedom of finally choosing how I…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 46
Chapter 46 marked a critical moment in my journey—a moment when silence was no longer bearable. I had spent thirteen years with a court-appointed lawyer who, despite being in my corner in name, never truly advocated for me. During the pandemic, I started questioning his intentions more deeply. I began calling him regularly, twice a week, hoping to use the consistency to create some sense of control over my own life. In every call, I searched for signs that he believed in me and the freedom I sought, but…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 47
Chapter 47 began with a single voice, trembling but determined, echoing through a phone line that connected me to a courtroom—and the rest of the world. On June 23, 2021, I finally had the opportunity to speak openly in a public hearing, to say what I had been silenced from saying for years. As I sat in my living room in Los Angeles with Hesam holding my hand, I felt the weight of the moment press down on me. I had prepared countless versions of what I wanted to say, but nothing could fully erase the…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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