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Chapter
Chapter 43
Chapter 43 was one of the darkest periods I had ever endured. Every day felt like a performance, where I had to smile and act stable just to avoid being labeled unstable. If I showed emotion, I was accused of being erratic; if I stayed silent, they called me unwell. It reminded me of the absurd logic of historical witch trials—where either outcome meant punishment. Whether I complied or not, it seemed like I was destined to lose. There was no way to “win” under that scrutiny, only a struggle to…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 42
Chapter 42 marks a time in my life when my freedom was completely stripped away, and my world became unrecognizable. I was confined in a treatment center where even the most basic rights were denied. I couldn't go outside, drive, or even enjoy privacy. My blood was drawn weekly, and every moment of my life was supervised—whether I was sleeping, watching TV, or changing clothes. A strict schedule controlled my every move, with mandatory therapy sessions and endless meetings. The sense of being trapped was…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 41
Chapter 41 brought a mix of strength and uncertainty. I had grown stronger over time, especially after connecting with women in AA who taught me a lot about navigating life with courage and honesty. I was feeling more empowered, though the nagging suspicion that my father might be plotting something lingered in the back of my mind. Despite this, I focused on staying positive and building on the inspiration I had gained. My birthday was a bright spot, with Hesam taking me to a special place, and I had…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 40
Chapter 40 captures the dramatic and chaotic atmosphere of the 2018 event that was meant to showcase my return to Vegas. As the crowd gathered outside the new Park MGM hotel in Las Vegas, the energy was electric. Superfans dressed in matching outfits waved flags with the letter "B," showing their unwavering support for me. Dancers on stage wore T-shirts emblazoned with my name, and announcers livestreamed the event, getting their followers hyped up. The night was filled with flashing laser lights, booming…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter 39
Chapter 39 reflects a time when life felt controlled, but I still tried to hold on to some semblance of my old self. Before the conservatorship, I was spontaneous and free-spirited. My friend Cade would suggest a road trip, and I’d be packed and ready before he even finished telling me the destination. I had confidence in my choices, whether it was adjusting the sound at my shows or expressing frustration when things went wrong. I didn’t hold back—everyone knew how I felt, and I embraced that…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 38
Chapter 38 marks a pivotal moment in my journey toward reclaiming my strength and sense of self. During my third year in Vegas, I felt a resurgence of something I hadn’t experienced in a long time—true strength. It was a sense of power that came from within, a recognition that I could no longer endure the constraints of the conservatorship. For so long, my parents had convinced me I was the problem, the “crazy” one, and that narrative worked in their favor. This constant undermining of my sense of…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter 37
Chapter 37 marks a shift in my journey as a performer, where I began to grapple with the restrictions placed on me and the way I expressed myself on stage. For so long, I had been told that my hair, my movement, and my performance were key to my appeal. The energy of a performance was supposed to be reflected in how I moved, how I danced, and how freely I let my hair fly. But during my Las Vegas residency, I found myself wearing tight wigs, dancing in a way that kept my hair still, and doing everything I…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 36
Chapter 36 reflects a period of growth and reflection as I navigated the complexity of my career, personal life, and the ongoing control of the conservatorship. One of the things that gave me solace during my time in Vegas was teaching dance to children. Once a month, I would teach a group of forty kids, and in LA, I would teach every couple of months. The simplicity and joy of being around kids who were full of energy and had no judgment was healing. Their pure energy and eagerness to learn felt like a…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter 35
Chapter 35 captures a period in my life where the control of the conservatorship suffocated me, but I still tried to hold on to small moments of personal freedom. Living in Las Vegas and performing regularly was a bittersweet experience. Initially, I loved the dry heat of the city and the feeling of being part of the excitement and luck that Vegas represents. But that joy began to fade, as the reality of being controlled by my family and the conservatorship set in. The beginning of my residency in 2013 had…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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Chapter
Chapter 34
Chapter 34 reflects the internal and external struggles I faced during a period of my life when my personal and professional worlds collided under the weight of the conservatorship. Despite the overwhelming sense of misery that hung over me, I tried to find small moments of joy. One thing that kept me going was the routine of spending time with my kids and working on my passion for dance. Teaching children brought me so much happiness and gave me a sense of purpose. Their energy was pure and without…-
209.9 K • Ongoing
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