Chapter 5

After the bride departs, Phoebe finds herself overwhelmed by loneliness. The room, previously filled with voices, now amplifies her own thoughts about her troubled family and the unconventional relationships she witnesses. Struggling with her identity and worth, she grapples with self-hatred, contemplating the looming specter of her existence within a body she feels disconnected from.

Seeking an escape, Phoebe pours herself another drink and opens a bottle of tuna-flavored painkillers, aware she is deviating from her resolution to take her own life. Reminded of a therapist’s comment that she wasn’t “the type” to end her life, Phoebe feels wounded and inadequate compared to more daring personalities like Mia, who embraces life with audacity.

Resolute yet fearful, she devises a plan for her suicide, yet finds herself distracted by thoughts of the bride, whose scent and lipstick linger in the air. As reminders of her unfulfilled ambitions surface—finished novels and life choices—Phoebe resolves to create a final act of defiance rather than a hesitating footnote. After swallowing the pills, she briefly feels a sense of accomplishment but soon questions their effectiveness.

A knock interrupts her thoughts; it’s Pauline, offering assistance. Despite her urges to seek help, Phoebe finds comfort in recognizing something familiar about Pauline from their shared Midwestern roots. Their conversation shifts to Pauline’s struggles with her new job, and as Phoebe dismisses her assistance, the young woman embodies the naivety and hopefulness she wishes to escape.

Exhausted, Phoebe sinks into thoughts of her impending death, wrestling with the irony of life and love unfolding just outside her window. A speech unfolds below, given by Patricia, the bride’s mother, who meanders into memories of Lila’s childhood. The anecdotes provoke Phoebe to ponder the fraught dynamics of parental love and her own unresolved childhood experiences.

Pushing aside despair, Phoebe recalls that she prefers completion, eagerly braving life’s challenges to discover any continuation of the narrative. Realizing she does not want to die, Phoebe rushes to the bathroom, instinctively trying to vomit the pills. The struggle leaves her exhausted but enveloped within the world she longs to be part of, listening to the echoes of joyful celebrations, clinging to life amidst the impending void .