The Ingenious Patriot

In “The Ingenious Patriot,” part of “Fantastic Fables,” a shrewd inventor secures an audience with the King to present his dual inventions that both threaten and promise to protect the realm. Initially, he showcases a groundbreaking formula for armour-plating that he claims is impervious to any cannon fire, suggesting that incorporating this technology into the Royal Navy would render their warships invincible. The value of this invention is corroborated by the King’s own ministers, and the inventor offers to sell the rights for a million tumtums.

The King, intrigued and perhaps convinced of the armor’s value, agrees to the purchase. However, the narrative swiftly takes a twist when the inventor reveals his second invention: a formidable gun specifically designed to penetrate the previously mentioned unassailable armor. By presenting this paradoxical creation to the King—thereby holding dominion over both the ultimate defense and offense—the inventor demonstrates his loyalty by offering the sovereign first dibs, again for the hefty price of a million tumtums.

Emboldened by the King’s interest, the inventor teases yet another invention, a special treatment for the armor that would negate the gun’s piercing capability. Before he can elaborate, the King, now wary of the inventor’s seemingly endless supply of groundbreaking yet contradictory technologies, commands his Great Head Factotum to search the inventor, revealing him to be in possession of forty-three pockets.

The King’s response to this discovery is both ironic and final. He orders the inventor to be shaken upside-down, not only as a comical method of discovery but also as a tactic to confiscate all possible inventions (real or imagined) before sentencing him to death—despite compensating him with forty-two million tumtums for his contributions. This fable satirizes the arms race and the perpetual cycle of creating and countering military technologies, all while poking fun at the greed and opportunism that can drive innovation in times of conflict.