You are being provided with a book chapter by chapter. I will request you to read the book for me after each chapter. After reading the chapter, 1. shorten the chapter to no less than 300 words and no more than 400 words. 2. Do not change the name, address, or any important nouns in the chapter. 3. Do not translate the original language. 4. Keep the same style as the original chapter, keep it consistent throughout the chapter. Your reply must comply with all four requirements, or it’s invalid.
I will provide the chapter now.
12
When I think back on that time, I was truly living the dream, living my dream.
My tours took me all over the world. One of my happiest moments on tour was
playing the music festival Rock in Rio 3, in January 2001.
In Brazil, I felt liberated, like a child in some ways—a woman and a child all
in one. I was fearless at that point, �lled with a rush and a drive.
At night my dancers—there were eight of them, two girls, the rest guys—and
I went skinny-dipping in the ocean, singing and dancing and laughing with each
other. We talked for hours under the moon. It was so beautiful. Exhausted, we
headed into the steam rooms, where we talked some more.
I was able to be a little bit sinful then—skinny-dipping, staying up talking all
night—nothing over the top. It was a taste of rebellion, and freedom, but I was
just having fun and being a nineteen-year-old.
The Dream Within a Dream Tour, right after my album Britney came out in the
fall of 2001, was my fourth tour and one of my favorites. Every night onstage, I
battled a mirror version of myself, which felt like it was probably a metaphor for
something. But that mirror act was just one song. There was also �ying! And an
Egyptian barge! And a jungle! Lasers! Snow!
Wade Robson directed and choreographed it, and I give great credit to the
people who put it together. I thought it was well conceived. Wade had this
concept of the show as re�ecting a new, more mature phase in my life. The set
and costumes were so clever. When someone knew just how to style me, I was
always grateful.
They were shrewd about how they presented me as a star, and I know that I
owe them. The way they captured me showed they respected me as an artist. The
minds behind that tour were brilliant. It was by far my best tour.
It was what we all had hoped for. I had worked so hard to get to that point.
I’d done mall tours before Baby was released, then the Baby tour was the �rst
time I got to see a lot of people out there in the crowd. I remember feeling like,
Oh, wow, I’m somebody now. Then Oops! was a little bit bigger, so by the time I
did the Dream Within a Dream Tour, it was all magic.
By the spring of 2002, I had hosted SNL twice, playing a butter churn girl at a
colonial reenactment museum opposite Jimmy Fallon and Rachel Dratch and
then playing Barbie’s little sister, Skipper, opposite Amy Poehler as Barbie. I was
the youngest person to host and perform as the musical guest in the same
episode.
Around that time, I was asked if I’d like to be in a movie musical. I wasn’t
sure I wanted to act again after Crossroads, but I was tempted by this one. It was
Chicago.
Executives involved in the production came to a venue where I was
performing and asked if I wanted to do it. I’d turned down three or four movies,
because I was in my moment with the stage show. I didn’t want to be distracted
from music. I was happy doing what I was doing.
But I look back now and I think, when it came to Chicago, I should’ve done
it. I had power back then; I wish I’d used it more thoughtfully, been more
rebellious. Chicago would have been fun. It’s all dance pieces—my favorite kind:
prissy, girly follies, Pussycat Doll–like, serve‑o�-your-corset moves. I wish I’d
taken that o�er.
I would have gotten to play a villain who kills a man, and sings and dances
while doing it, too.
I probably could have found ways, gotten training, to keep from becoming a
Chicago character the way I had with Lucy in Crossroads. I wish I’d tried
something di�erent. If only I’d been brave enough not to stay in my safe zone,
done more things that weren’t just within what I knew. But I was committed to
not rocking the boat, and to not complaining even when something upset me.
In my personal life, I was so happy. Justin and I lived together in Orlando. We
shared a gorgeous, airy two-story house with a tile roof and a swimming pool out
back. Even though we were both working a lot, we’d make time to be home
together as often as we could. I always came back every few months so Justin and
I could be together for two weeks, sometimes even two months, at a time. That
was our home base.
One week, when Jamie Lynn was young, my family �ew out to see us. We all
went to FAO Schwarz at Pointe Orlando. They closed down the whole store for
us. My sister got a miniature convertible car that had actual doors that opened. It
was in between a real car and a go-kart. Somehow we got it back to Kentwood,
and she drove it around the neighborhood until she outgrew it.
That child in that car was unlike anything else—this adorable little girl,
driving around in a miniature red Mercedes. It was the cutest thing you could’ve
ever seen in your entire life. I swear to God, the vision was unbelievable.
That’s how we all were with Jamie Lynn: You see it, you like it, you want it,
you got it. As far as I could tell, her world was the Ariana Grande song “7 Rings”
come to life. (When I was growing up, we didn’t have any money. My prized
possessions were my Madame Alexander dolls. There were dozens to choose
from. Their eyelids went up and down, and they all had names. Some were
�ctional characters or historical �gures—like Scarlett O’Hara or Queen
Elizabeth. I had the girls from Little Women. When I got my �fteenth doll, you
would’ve thought I’d hit the lottery!)
That was a good time in my life. I was so in love with Justin, just smitten. I
don’t know if when you’re younger love’s a di�erent thing, but what Justin and
I had was special. He wouldn’t even have to say anything or do anything for me
to feel close to him.
In the South, moms love to round up the kids and say, “Listen, we’re going to
go to church today, and we’re all going to color-coordinate.” That’s what I did
when Justin and I attended the 2001 American Music Awards, which I cohosted
with LL Cool J. I still can’t believe that Justin was going to wear denim and I
said, “We should match! Let’s do denim-on-denim!”
At �rst, honestly, I thought it was a joke. I didn’t think my stylist was actually
going to do it, and I never thought Justin was going to do it with me. But they
both went all in.
The stylist brought Justin’s all-denim out�t, including a denim hat to match
his denim jacket and denim pants. When he put it on, I thought, Whoa! I guess
we’re really doing this!
Justin and I were always going to events together. We had so much fun doing
the Teen Choice Awards, and we often color-coordinated our out�ts. But with
the matching denim, we blew it up. That night my corset had me sucked in so
tight under my denim gown, I was about to fall over.
I get that it was tacky, but it was also pretty great in its way, and I am always
happy to see it parodied as a Halloween costume. I’ve heard Justin get �ak for
the look. On one podcast where they were teasing him about it, he said, “You do
a lot of things when you’re young and in love.” And that’s exactly right. We were
giddy, and those out�ts re�ected that.
There were a couple of times during our relationship when I knew Justin had
cheated on me. Especially because I was so infatuated and so in love, I let it go,
even though the tabloids seemed determined to rub my face in it. When
NSYNC went to London in 2000, photographers caught him with one of the
girls from All Saints in a car. But I never said anything. At the time we’d only
been together for a year.
Another time, we were in Vegas, and one of my dancers who’d been hanging
out with him told me he’d gestured toward a girl and said, “Yeah, man, I hit that
last night.” I don’t want to say who he was talking about because she’s actually
very popular and she’s married with kids now. I don’t want her to feel bad.
My friend was shocked and believed Justin was only saying it because he was
high and felt like bragging. There were rumors about him with various dancers
and groupies. I let it all go, but clearly, he’d slept around. It was one of those
things where you know but you just don’t say anything.
So I did, too. Not a lot—one time, with Wade Robson. We were out one
night and we went to a Spanish bar. We danced and danced. I made out with
him that night.
I was loyal to Justin for years, only had eyes for him with that one exception,
which I admitted to him. That night was chalked up to something that will
happen when you’re as young as we were, and Justin and I moved past it and
stayed together. I thought we were going to be together forever. I hoped we
would be.
At one point when we were dating, I became pregnant with Justin’s baby. It
was a surprise, but for me it wasn’t a tragedy. I loved Justin so much. I always
expected us to have a family together one day. This would just be much earlier
than I’d anticipated. Besides, what was done was done.
But Justin de�nitely wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. He said we weren’t
ready to have a baby in our lives, that we were way too young.
I could understand. I mean, I kind of understood. If he didn’t want to
become a father, I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice. I wouldn’t want to
push him into something he didn’t want. Our relationship was too important to
me. And so I’m sure people will hate me for this, but I agreed not to have the
baby.
Abortion was something I never could have imagined choosing for myself,
but given the circumstances, that is what we did.
I don’t know if that was the right decision. If it had been left up to me alone,
I never would have done it. And yet Justin was so sure that he didn’t want to be
a father.
We also decided on something that in retrospect wound up being, in my
view, wrong, and that was that I should not go to a doctor or to a hospital to
have the abortion. It was important that no one �nd out about the pregnancy or
the abortion, which meant doing everything at home.
We didn’t even tell my family. The only person who knew besides Justin and
me was Felicia, who was always on hand to help me. I was told, “It might hurt a
little bit, but you’ll be �ne.”
On the appointed day, with only Felicia and Justin there, I took the little pills.
Soon I started having excruciating cramps. I went into the bathroom and stayed
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